David Foley: Femulator or Civilian?

Yesterday’s post with David Foley in the Femulator slot resulted in a few comments wondering whether David is a civilian or a femulator. His numerous television and film appearances en femme, not to mention his drop-dead gorgeous femulations would seem to indicate that he is a femulator. On the other hand, he may be a civilian who has been typecasted because of his excellent femulations. 

Who knows? 

Probably only David, but to make a case as a femulator, I have collected all of his appearances en femme and list them below (according to date). If you know any that I missed, let me know and I will add them to the list.

👩 The Soup television series, “Grownup Pageant Princess” episode, 2010

👩 Kids in the Hall: Death Comes to Town television mini-series, 2010 (photo left)

👩 Employee of the Month film, 2004; David plays Eric, a crossdressing dentist

👩 NewsRadio television series; “Halloween” episode, 1996, a 5-star femulation (see it on YouTube)

👩 It's Pat: The Movie film, 1994; David plays Chris, a person of indeterminate gender

👩 “Heterosexual Man” by Odds music video, 1993; a must-see music video (see it on YouTube)

👩 The Kids In The Hall television series, 1988-2011 and 2022; David makes numerous appearances en femme in most episodes of this series as do the other members of this comedy ensemble (see it on YouTube)

Notes:

1. The Soup entry above is based on an educated guess. Can anyone confirm David’s femulation in that episode? 

2. David appears in the 1996 film Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy, but I believe he does not appear en femme in that film. 

Wearing Venus

 

David Foley en femme in the famous “Halloween” episode of television’s NewsRadio.

The Civilian Service

By Gina V

I worked in an administrative division of the British public sector in the 80s and 90s, where I witnessed it turn from a dull but steady and reliable form of employment (where one retired on a decent pension) into a Thatcher-instigated all-singing all-dancing ballyhoo. This essentially meant engaging several extra layers of overpaid fifth-rate private sector management to replace the faithful but plodding civil service administrators in order to (fail to) improve the lot of the great British public. And waste a hell of a lot more of the taxpayers’ hard-earned money in the process. 

Just in case you haven’t already got the picture, I was not too impressed with the overhaul, nor with most of my new colleagues in particular the financial overlord hired to enforce the brave new world. Despite his superficially-friendly manner, anyone with half a brain could see what laid beneath was pure shark. So it was no surprise to me when he made it clear that no one had a job for life anymore and it was now basically each man for himself in what had become a deadly game of survival. 

As such, it came as rather a shock to turn up at the works Christmas party to find the guy prancing around in full drag. Not fancy dress drag (it wasn't that sort of event), but in mini-skirt, wig, etc. If he had been beloved and respected by his staff, I could have understood it. Instead, most, if not all feared and despised him, which made his motives questionable, if not alarming. Of course, afterwards he claimed he had only done it “for a laugh.” 

However, a short time later he invited his mostly brown-nosing managerial subordinates to join him for a birthday celebration in the West End. Not at any old venue though, but one that happened to be a drag cabaret club. So I went along, even though I couldn’t stand the guy purely as a convenient excuse as a then-closet crossdresser to see the show. 

By then, I had become the voice in the wilderness in a world of utter insanity, where public money was being thrown about like confetti while staff were too anxious about losing their jobs to do them effectively. So perhaps unsurprisingly, when the axe started falling, I found myself being one of the first in line. But to use Stana's terminology, I more than suspected my executioner was not the “civilian” he made himself out to be (as the old saying goes “it takes one to know one”). Had I come out to him as such, we probably would have found we had at least one thing in common that we didn’t before. And who knows, maybe I might even have been spared the axe.

Not that my morality would have let me continue on that basis as it would have been a case of “jobs for the boys” (or for “the girls” in this instance). But all the same, I was angry at having to clear my desk at the time, as I had put in over a decade of service beyond the call of duty (if I had a pound every time I stayed late or even went in at weekends on my own time...). And to add insult to injury, I was only offered a paltry three-months salary as a redundancy payoff. All that, simply because I was “the boy” in The Emperor’s New Clothes!

However, I realized in retrospect that in the long term the guy had done me a favor for I decided to drop out of the rat race as a result of it (and now being clear that despite my best efforts, I was patently not cut out for it). That in turn strengthened my resolve to emerge from the closet and as such, probably did so far earlier than I might have otherwise.

Wearing Mackage

Dorian Wayne femulating in the 1971 film The Blue Sextet.
You can view the femulation on YouTube.

Femulate Illustrated

Wearing Lela Rose

Moving up the alphabet to the letter B, today’s lovely “Not a Civilian?” laddy hails from Bryant (Arkansas) High School. He (or she) is Wade Barnes, who was the winner of the high school’s 1972 “Miss America” pageant.

Wearing Boston Proper vegan leather dress and Nine West “Bliss” pointy toe pumps.

Wednesday morning, I had to decide whether to move three yards of loam outdoors or photograph myself wearing pretty new outfits indoors. It was a difficult choice and you can see the results of that decision above.

Where have all the civilians gone?

Over 11 years ago, I used the word “civilian” here for the first time to differentiate the femulating community from the non-femulating community, that is, the civilian population.

Occasionally, femulating does occur in the non-femulating community, for example, when boys dress like girls to participate in womanless beauty pageants, womanless fashion shows, womanless weddings, womanless fishing tournaments or just to dress pretty for Halloween.

Less frequently, some of the civilians femulate so convincingly that it makes me wonder if they are one of us rather than a civilian. Their outfits are perfect, their makeup is perfect, their hairdos are perfect and they know how to walk perfectly in high heels with perfectly shaved legs.

Over the years, I probably posted hundreds of photos of civilians who I thought looked too good to be simply civilian, but I was never able to confirm my thoughts.

Until now!

Out of the blue Monday, I received an email from a reader who admitted she was one of the civilians whose womanless event photo I posted here as someone I thought was too good to be simply a civilian!

She sent along some recent photos and she is absolutely gorgeous. She certainly is not a civilian!    

Wearing Venus

Professional femulator Jackie Maye, circa 1955

Trans-Manners

Hi Stana!

I’m a cis-woman who started reading your blog for the fashion and stayed for your unique perspective on trying to live an authentic life. Could you write a post about what good manners are for members of the public who encounter transgender people?

Thank you,

Beth

👦 / 👧

Hi Beth,

Thank you for the compliment, that is, "I’m a cis-woman who started reading your blog for the fashion."

Regarding your question, I will always remember when I unintentionally scared the living daylights out of a transwoman. I was attending a transgender convention, arrived in boy mode and boarded the elevator at the host hotel, which was occupied by a young transwoman.

I said, "Hello" and asked her if she was enjoying the convention.

She reacted like the proverbial deer in headlights.

Oops! I immediately realized my error and added that I was also attending the convention, but had not changed to girl mode yet.

She was relieved and I learned a big lesson. Whenever I encounter someone who I think is trans, I bite my tongue and don't say anything that gives away my assumption about their gender. I might say, "Hello" and make small talk, but I would never say something like, "Your femulation is great!" 

...for two reasons...

1.  What if they are not trans? I don't think I have to explain why misidentifying a civilian as trans is a big no-no.

2.  And if they are trans, they probably don't want anyone (even another trans) telling them that their cisgender is showing. Some trans people may not care, but it is better to err on the side of caution and not say anything because many trans people do care.

So the answer is that generic small talk is OK, but don't say anything that will burst the bubble of a trans person who is trying to make their way out among civilians in their true gender.

Wearing Diane von Furstenberg (Source: DVF)

Simon Hanselmann, cartoonist

No Surprise

Above Average

Commenting on my Thursday post, Meg wrote, "I wonder when you'll stop being surprised that you're treated as the woman you are."

Julie and Tina left concurring comments. I can imagine Cher saying, "Get over it" as she slaps me in the face.

For most of my life, I did not present as a woman among civilians. When I began stepping out as a woman, I questioned any attention I received — usually assuming the worst, that is, a civilian figured out that I was not what I appeared to be.

There is probably some truth in that assumption because early on, my presentation may have been lacking. But as I fine-tuned my presentation, I received feedback in my encounters with civilians that indicated that I was fooling some of the people some of the time.

Thirty years later, I think my presentation is better than average and when I am out, I assume that everyone accepts me as a woman. So I am no longer surprised when I am treated as a woman.

However, when I write about my days and nights out as a woman, I often mention the positive treatment I receive in order to encourage my readers that they too can go out and be accepted as the women they truly are.

And so it goes.

I'd wear this outfit (Source: Pinterest)

El Brendel femulates in the 1935 film Okay Jose.

Smile, Smile, Smile

When I started femulating in public, I was afraid that people would recognize me as a crossdresser. As a result, I looked and acted as if I had something to hide; I walked with my head down, looked away quickly if I saw someone looking at me and I avoided encounters with teenagers, with males, with anybody!

People who noticed, might wonder why I was acting as if I had something to hide and when they looked closer, they might figure out why ― because I was a guy crossdressing in public.

I was outing myself!

Once I figured out the error of my ways, I was determined not to out myself again. Since then, I have followed three rules that have helped me achieve that goal:

1.  Act as if you belong, so walk tall and strut your stuff.

2.  Don't look away furtively if other people look at you. Do the opposite: look back at them and disarm them with a smile.

3.  You are a beautiful woman and you should be happy about it, so smile, smile, smile.

(Source: Pinterest)

Ms. Sindi's favorite Halloween costume photo
(Send me a photo of your all-time favorite Halloween femulation and I will post it here, too.)

Civilian or Not? Revisited

By Paula Gaikowski, Femulate Contributing Editor

Paula Gaikowski

Yesterday’s post got my attention. I have to admit I too am intrigued by the non-civilians in these Halloween and womanless contests.

Ms. Caulfield, does appear to be a member of our club. First off, it's Halloween and not a womanless pageant, so we know right off the bat that this was a choice of hers. Add to that the attention to detail that only a non-civilian would be aware of. You mentioned the eyebrows, yes, definitely a clue, the dainty necklace and blouse, a well-styled wig and perfect make-up. The clincher though is the smile ‒ we all know that feeling of true happiness.

As for Mr. /Ms. Waugh, well, the shaved legs, c’mon??? Oh yeah, you’re a swimmer or oh, a bicyclist, oh yeah that’s it. Also, who has a pair of sling back pumps in your male size hanging around that by the way, matches the stylish suit that likewise just happens to be in your size. Judging from her petite image, I’m guessing that Mrs. Waugh doesn’t wear a size 11 shoe nor a size 16W suit.

As for Matt Garber, he’s not even trying to feign civilian status, I am guessing Matt is more likely gay and not transgender and making a statement... just a hunch.

One thing I also noticed about these more recent womanless pageants, they seem to be attracting more realistic versions of womanhood than the caricatures of women in the past. By posing a comical exaggeration, the message was sent that the contestant has no interest in being or looking like a feminine woman, thus preserving their masculinity.

In the past, there seemed to be a denigration of femininity. Today, there appears to be more a celebration with contestants trying to actually femulate the best they can.

Perhaps now young persons who are questioning aren’t quite as hesitant to demonstrate an interest in showing this side of themselves in today’s less judgmental environment.

Who knows us better than our parents, especially Moms, who we see are willing collaborators in these most accomplished femulations.

What better way to for a young transgender person to not only have an opportunity to finally dress as a girl, but to send out a test message and judge the response to coming out.

“Hey, Mom, this might be fun. Can you help me?”

“Sure, sweetheart, let’s start by trying-on some of my dresses.”

“Maybe we need to do a little shopping this weekend. We’ll find you the perfect dress and you’ll be the prettiest one there.

“Oh Mom! Stop, okay let’s go!”

“I’ll have to confess, Mom, dress-shopping was kind of fun and I can’t wait to see myself all made up”

“Wow, I can’t believe I won! Everybody said how good I looked and how pretty I was!”

“I had fun too sweetheart and I was so proud of how well you did. You seem to be a natural?”

“Remember, the makeup, wig and your new wardrobe are yours to keep, I want you to know that you don’t need a pageant to express this side of yourself.”

“You will always be beautiful to me whether this side of you grows or not and please don’t ever be afraid to talk to me.”

Oh, in a more perfect world, one more perfect than the 1960’s and 70’s when I was coming of age... I guess that why I am so captivated by these stories. I truly envy their opportunities and see myself in their shoes grabbing and reaching for that brass ring.

Wearing Tadashi Shoji (Source: Macy's)

2017 Cinderfella pageant contestants in Cleveland, Oklahoma

Civilian or Not?

Whenever Starla sends me a new batch of femulator images that she culled from online school yearbooks, I try to pick out the femulators who are not civilians, that is, girls like us and not one-time femulators dressing up for their school's womanless event.

It may be due to all those years operating the trans radar, but there is something about certain womanless participants who give off vibes that they are in it for the long run. And sometimes, there are other clues that confirm those suspicions.

Such is the case with Sean Caufield, whose image (above) was in the latest batch that Starla sent me. She is exquisite! Her hair, makeup and jewelry are perfect. And the extra clues move her out of the civilian realm. The clues I am referring to are her thin eyebrows en femme and en homme and the fact that dressing as a female is her choice for a Halloween costume and is not a femulation for a womanless event. And she is not alone.

I always suspect that something is up when a faculty member femulates along with the students like the student-teacher above, who "shows off his feminine side on Halloween." Does Miss Waugh's perfect wig, cleanly shaved legs, tailored skirt suit or slingback pumps hint that she shows off her feminine side on other occasions? Just wondering.

I was also wondering about Coach Ed (above), who goes by "Edwina" during her frequent forays in frocks, when she successfully passes among her students.

And then there is Matt Garber (above), who "was the only male student to wear make-up to the junior-senior prom," which begs the question: Did other male students attend the prom wearing prom dresses, but without makeup?

Wearing Madeleine (Source: Madeleine)

In honor of my last day at work, here I am the first day I went to work en femme (Halloween 2000).

Bad Encounters

Starla wrote, "Having followed your public femulating excursions over the years, it seems like you pretty much either pass, or don't pass, but have positive encounters, all the time. Or so it seems.

"My question is: have you ever had a negative encounter? One in which words were said or glances shot that made you feel uncomfortable and concerned. Maybe even at some point feeling like your safety may be threatened?

"I only ask because almost none of us, no matter how passing we look and/or how confident we feel, has 100% always positive interactions. You may be an exception, but if you have ever had negative encounters, how you handled them could be very instructive for those with far less public experience."

I get referred to as "he" or "him" occasionally and that pisses me off especially if it occurs in a business spending where I am spending my money. At least give the customer the benefit of the doubt! Worst case... I was going to a transgender conference, checking in at the hotel hosting the event. I'm en femme and the woman checking me in at the hotel refers to me as male. The hotel is hosting a trans conference! You would think the staff would have been more supportive. Admittedly, this was in the mid-1990's and folks were not as enlightened about transpeople as they are today.

Being mis-gendered is not a big deal and certainly not life-threatening. I usually don't do anything about it and often times, they correct themselves and switch to female pronouns without me saying anything.

I can recall only two occasions that were very negative encounters.

1) I was staffing my support group's table at the True Colors Conference, which is for LGBT school-age kids. A high school or college aged person with special needs came by and loudly started giving me a hard time about being a "he-she." I was more embarrassed than anything and just tried to ignore him. Ignoring him worked; he finally gave up and went away.

2) After a support group meeting, a bunch of us went to a gay bar which had drag shows. It was located in a seedy section of Hartford. That was back when smoking was still allowed in Connecticut bars. I did not enjoy the thick smoke (it always stunk up my clothes and wigs), so I high-heeled it out of there after 30 minutes or so.

As I exited, a guy started following me, while yelling, "Are you in the show?" mistaking me for one a the drag queens. My car was parked a block away and I walked as fast as I could in heels. My follower followed me about half way and gave up when it was obvious I wanted nothing to do with him. That was very scary. If there was a next time, I would have asked the bar for an escort to my car, but I never went back.

I have been engaging civilians en femme for about 30 years and thankfully, I have had very few bad encounters. I attribute my success to my presentation. Sometimes I may pass, but most of the time, I feel that my presentation is just good enough so that people who have doubts don't dare vocalize their suspicions because (1) they are not sure their suspicions are correct or (2) they are too polite to say or do anything or (3) they don't care (let it be).

Wearing Eloquii.

John Ritter femulates on television's Three's Company.