Sit to Pee When Pretty

Cyrsti’s blog post yesterday on bathroom etiquette inspired me to rerun the following updated post today.

Your mileage may vary depending on where you live, but here in Connecticut, the courts say to use the restroom that matches your gender presentation. So Stana uses the ladies’ room and Stan uses the men’s room.

Under such a policy, I feel completely safe using the ladies’ rooms in Connecticut. I don’t give it a second thought.

Actually, I use the ladies’ room wherever I find myself ― New York, Ohio, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Pennsylvania, West Virginia ― in locales that do not have Connecticut’s diverse restroom policy. There is no way I am going to enter the men’s room in those states dressed to the nines in a skirt and heels! So I take a deep breath, gird my loins and use the ladies’ room.

The average civilian does not examine every person they encounter to try to determine if they are trans or not. Unless the transperson presents in a way that alerts a civilian that something is amiss (or not a Miss), the transperson will blend into the background of the civilian’s daily routine.

The same thing occurs when a civilian uses a restroom. They assume that all the ladies in the ladies’ room are cisgender females. In fact, a non-cisgender female in the ladies’ room is so foreign to civilians that it takes some doing to make them think otherwise. So if they see a tall woman in the ladies' room, they are likely to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Some girls recommend getting in and out of the ladies’ room as fast as possible, but in my opinion, a woman using the ladies’ room in a hurried and perhaps furtive manner may raise a few eyebrows. When I use the ladies’ room, I always put my best high-heeled foot forward. I walk into the ladies’ room as if I belong, do my business, wash my hands, primp in the mirror and exit when I am done. All the while, I try not to bring attention to myself by acting inappropriately. 

For what it’s worth, all my visits to the ladies’s rooms have never raised an eyebrow – no one has ever complained that there is a lady with a willy using the facilities. On the contrary, my appearance in the ladies’ room occasionally attracts attention in a positive way when another women compliments me on my appearance or asks me where I bought my shoes or whatever and I find myself engaging in a conversation with a lady in the ladies’ room. How affirming is that?

Actually, I dread using the ladies’ room for its intended purpose. Usually, the stalls are too tight for an Amazonian like me and it is difficult to get half undressed in that confined space, which is essentially what you have to do in order to do what you have to do; raise your dress or lower your slacks, lower your pantyhose, lower your panties and if you are wearing a girdle, you have to deal with that, too.

After you do your business and wipe yourself, you have to get dressed in that confined space. That’s why I closely check myself out in the mirror after exiting the stall to make sure everything is where it is supposed to be.

And while you are in the stall, don’t put your bag on the floor ― yuck! Hang it on the hook that is usually mounted on the inside of the stall door.

And most importantly, remember to sit to pee!

Wearing Gracia

Niharika Nerurkar, femulating in India

The Ladies’ Room

Gina asked me for my take on using the ladies’ room when we are presenting as ladies.

As I recall, the first time I ever used the ladies’ room was at a venue where my support group was having its annual banquet. For our “convenience,” the venue assigned us our own private restroom. I was having none of that and when I had to go, I used the ladies’ room that all the cisgender ladies were using. 

Entering the ladies’ inner sanctum and mixing with the female civilians was the highlight of that banquet. And ever since then, I have always used the ladies’ rooms and have never looked back.

I feel completely safe using the ladies' rooms in Connecticut. I don't give it a second thought because Connecticut courts say to use the restroom that matches your gender presentation. So Stana uses the ladies’ room and Stan uses the men’s room.

Actually, I use the ladies’ room wherever I find myself ― Massachusetts, New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia ― in locales that do not have Connecticut's diverse restroom policy. Using the restroom in those states is a little daunting, but there is no way I am going to enter the men’s room dressed to the nines in a skirt and heels! So I take a deep breath, gird my loins and use the ladies’ room in those foreign climes.

Some girls recommend getting in and out of the ladies’ room as fast as possible so as not to bring any attention to oneself, but in my opinion, a woman using the ladies’ room in a hurried and perhaps furtive manner may raise a few eyebrows. When I use the ladies’ room, I always put my best high-heeled foot forward. I walk into the ladies’ room as if I belong, do my business, wash my hands, primp in the mirror and exit when I am done. All the while, I try not to bring attention to myself by acting inappropriately.

Life in the ladies’ room is very different than life in the men’s room. In general, men mind their own business in the men’s room and do not strike up conversations with other men. They do their business, occasionally wash their hands and get out of Dodge ASAP while trying to avoid eye contact with any other men using the facility.

In contrast, ladies often greet other ladies in the ladies’ room and will strike up a conversation at the drop of a hat. I lost count how many times cisgender ladies have struck up a conversation with me by complimenting my shoes, my hair, my dress, the weather, the venue, etc. So be prepared to chat with the other ladies’ using the facilities.

Gina asked, “What sort of attention am I likely to get from other users if I use such facilities and how do I avoid the prospect of being asked to leave the establishment as a result of attracting the wrong kind!”

The average civilian does not examine every person they encounter to try to determine if they are trans or not. Unless the transperson presents in a way that will alert a civilian that something is amiss (or not a Miss), the transperson will blend into the background of the civilian’s daily routine. So if your presentation works out and about, it will also work in the confines of the ladies’ room. And you will not be asked to leave the establishment.

I have never had any issues using ladies’ rooms in restaurants, malls, bars, department stores, universities, highway rest stops, banquet halls, gas stations, colleges, museums, theaters, convention halls, fairgrounds or anywhere else. Nor have I ever heard a negative comment regarding my presence in the holy of holies. Worst case, I might get an odd look, which indicates to me that the looker is not sure whether I am a girl or a boy. 

Family restrooms offer a safe place to do your thing without worrying about causing a commotion, but I still use the ladies’ room even if a family restroom is available. I would rather encounter a woman looking at me oddly in the ladies’ room than a guy looking at me oddly in the family restroom.

Usually, I am not a distraction and I actually enjoy my ladies’ rooms visits! But I dread using the ladies’ room for its intended purpose. The stalls are too tight for an Amazonian like me and it is difficult to get half undressed in that confined space, which is essentially what you have to do in order to do what you have to do; raise your dress or lower your slacks, lower your pantyhose, lower your panties and if you are wearing a girdle, you have to deal with that, too.

And after you do your business and wipe yourself, you have to get dressed in that confined space. That’s why I closely check myself out in the mirror after exiting the stall to make sure everything is where it is supposed to be.

And while you are in the stall, don’t put your bag on the floor ― yuck! Hang it on the hook that is usually mounted on the inside of the stall door.

And most importantly, remember to sit to pee!

Wearing Eloquii

Johnny Downs femulating in the 1941 film All American Co-Ed.

You can view this film on YouTube and be sure to check out the stage full of femulators at the beginning of the film.

Breaking News: Supreme Court gives victory to transgender student who sued to use bathroom

 Read all about it here on CNN.

Femulating Failure

It works!

I learned quickly that there are a number of advantages to sitting to urinate. So much so that I sit to pee in boy mode, too.

In boy mode a few days ago, I sat to pee as a good girl should and as I dropped my drawers, my iPhone slipped out of my back pocket into the toilet bowl! I retrieved it as quickly as possible and dried it off as best as I could. I thought all was well until I made a phone call – there was no sound emitting from the phone!

I soon discovered that there was water in the headphone jack and the iPhone interpreted the water as an inserted headphone plug. Thus, the iPhone defaulted to headphone mode; it was sending audio to the headphone jack instead of the speaker.

I messed around with the phone for an hour trying to get the water out of the jack, but no luck. I dreaded taking the iPhone apart again, so I decided to first try a trick that worked in the past with my daughter's drowned iPhones: put the phone in a bed of uncooked rice to absorb the moisture.

Happy to say, when I retrieved the phone from the rice bowl the next morning, all was well with my iPhone!

And I learned my lesson: from now on, I will leave my iPhone in my purse when I sit to pee.

Wearing Sophie Et Voila

Ross Adams femulating on British television’s Hollyoaks.

Sitting to Pee: Here, There and Everywhere

By Starla Renee Trimm

Reading Stana’s discussion of her travels and the inevitable topic of restroom use when on the road in feminine garb (no one thinks about or discusses bathrooms more than T-girls) brought some memories into focus.

Back in the day, in my healthy years when I had a life and actually went places, I took quite a few road trips en femme. As I passed most of the time, I never had any serious problem using the ladies’ room pretty much anywhere. (And we didn't yet have reactionary politicians trying to pass laws making it a capital offense to simply pee in an appropriate facility.) Nevertheless, when travelling in unfamiliar places (especially here in the South), better safe than sorry.

What I would do when my bladder was crying uncle was to seek out a gas station/convenience store — not the large 7-11 type enterprises, but the smaller businesses that only had a small kiosk type island housing cashiers and a limited array of junk food and beer. Why? Because such facilities usually had small bathrooms that required key access. Besides the fact that they could only be used by one customer at a time eliminating the possibility of a negative encounter in the restroom itself, there still remained the remote chance that someone might see me entering or exiting the thing, have doubts as to my gender status and make a fuss.

Having to request the key gave me an "excuse" in the event of a confrontation. If they handed me the key to the little girls' potty (as was the case almost 100% of the time), I figured I was passing well and pretty safe inasmuch as I could always protest that, hey, that was the key the clerk gave me, so I assumed that was the bathroom I was directed to use.

And since even in male mode in such situations, I was sometimes given the ladies' room key simply because the boys' room was (a) out of order, (b) on the verge of being declared a toxic waste cleanup site or (c) occupied by a leisurely squatter who was taking his dear time while, as my Momma used to say, "my back teeth are floating" — the notion of being perceived as male, yet directed verbally or tacitly to the ladies' loo was not inconceivable. Maybe I was overthinking things by coming up with such complex planning, but you never know.

In any case, my confidence in such a scheme was bolstered and solidified on one road trip when my gas tank was on "close to fumes" and my bladder on "dam about to burst" as I entered the little hamlet of Waynesboro, Georgia ("The Bird Dog Capital of the World"). My only option for topping one tank off and emptying the other was the rather shabby looking enterprise at the center of town, manned by several bearded good ol’ boys in overalls, chawin’ tabaccy and generally perpetuating the “seedy side of Mayberry” stereotype.

Well, between having that brassy boldness that prior positive encounters produced, as well as the point of no return risk of an impending flood under my denim skirt, I did not even hesitate to stride into the place, flash a sweet smile at the Head Bubba and ask for the bathroom key. Whatever tiny residual concern remained that had not yet been overridden by urological distress was quickly dispelled as the dude handed me the ladies’ room key with a wink and a smile (and, I think, a bit of a leer), drawling “There ya go, darlin’.”

For once, I was far more comforted than offended by such sexist behavior!

Wearing Veronica Beard

Jerick Hoffer (aka Jinkx Monsoon) femulating in television's Capitol Hill.

Sit to Pee

Ms. Stana,

How do you act when you use the ladies' restroom when you are femulating? What do you do to use the toilet when you are in a dress or skirt?

Ms. Stacey Anne Smith, Ms.Trixie and Ms. Brooke want to know!

🚽 🚽 🚽

Hi Ladies,

Your mileage may vary depending on where you live, but here in Connecticut, the courts say to use the restroom that matches your gender presentation. So Stana uses the ladies' room and Stan uses the men's room.

Under such a policy, I feel completely safe using the ladies' rooms in Connecticut. I don't give it a second thought.

Actually, I use the ladies' room wherever I find myself ― New York, Ohio, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania ― in locales that do not have Connecticut's diverse restroom policy. There is no way I am going to enter the men's room dressed to the nines in a skirt and heels! So I take a deep breath, gird my loins and use the ladies' room.

The average civilian does not examine every person they encounter to try to determine if they are trans or not. Unless the transperson presents in a way that will alert a civilian that something is amiss (or not a Miss), the transperson will blend into the background of the civilian's daily routine.

The same thing occurs when a civilian uses a restroom. They assume that all the ladies in the ladies' room are cisgender females. In fact, a non-cisgender female in the ladies' room is so foreign to civilians that it takes some doing to make them think otherwise. So if they see a tall woman in the ladies' room, they are likely to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Some girls recommend getting in and out of the ladies' room as fast as possible, but in my opinion, a woman using the ladies' room in a hurried and perhaps furtive manner may raise a few eyebrows. When I use the ladies' room, I always put my best high-heeled foot forward. I walk into the ladies' room as if I belong, do my business, wash my hands, primp in the mirror and exit when I am done. All the while, I try not to bring attention to myself by acting inappropriately.

My appearance in the ladies' room occasionally attracts attention in a positive way when another women compliments me on my appearance or asks me where I bought my shoes or whatever and I find myself engaging in a conversation with a lady in the ladies' room. How affirming is that?

Actually, I dread using the ladies' room for its intended purpose. Usually, the stalls are too tight for an Amazonian like me and it is difficult to get half undressed in that confined space, which is essentially what you have to do in order to do what you have to do; raise your dress or lower your slacks, lower your pantyhose, lower your panties and if you are wearing a girdle, you have to deal with that, too.

And after you do your business and wipe yourself, you have to get dressed in that confined space. That's why I closely check myself out in the mirror after exiting the stall to make sure everything is where it is supposed to be.

And while you are in the stall, don't put your bag on the floor ― yuck! Hang it on the hook that is usually mounted on the inside of the stall door.

And most importantly, remember to sit to pee!

Wearing Nine West (Source: Nine West)

Buster Keaton (in dark wig and dark dress) and other actors femulating in the 1930 film Doughboys.

War on Transgenders Marches On

Sadly, Trump's War on Transgenders continues...

Education Dept. Officially Says It Will Reject Transgender Student Bathroom Complaints

The Education Department says it won't investigate or take action on any complaints filed by transgender students who are banned from restrooms that match their gender identity, charting new ground in the Trump administration's year-long broadside against LGBT rights.

Read the rest of the story here.

Read the Los Angeles LGBT Center's excellent response to the Education Department here.

Trump Not Done Trying To Ban Transgender People from of Military

President Donald Trump‘s attempts to ban transgender people from the military have failed at every turn, but he isn’t done yet. The Trump administration will unveil and defend a new anti-trans policy on February 21.

Read the rest of the story here.

GOP Defines Being Transgender As 'A Disqualifying Psychological and Physical Condition'

The Republican National Committee voted to support Trump's August order that defines being transgender as “a disqualifying psychological and physical” condition.

Read the rest of the story here.

Transgender Rights Targeted by Multiple Ballot Measures Across the United States

Emboldened by Trump's War on Transgenders, discrimination is on the ballot in Massachusetts and Anchorage, Alaska, with signatures currently being collected for a third anti-transgender ballot measure in Montana.

Read the rest of the story here.

Wearing Rebecca de Ravenel (Source: Moda Operandi)

Kamil Bijos femulating on Your Face Sounds Familiar on Polish television.

Men from Maher's

Bill Maher is a comedian who has a long-running political talk show on HBO. I watch it occasionally because he has interesting guests of differing political persuasions.

I am not a big fan of Maher even though he and I see eye-to-eye on some issues. He is a smug smartass and I don't abide by smug smartasses. After his latest show, it is evident that he is transphobic, too, so now I have even more reason to dislike him.

I am not going to repeat all of what happened Friday night on his show. He invited the provocateur du jour as a guest and then he jumped on the provocateur's transphobic bandwagon with both feet! You can read all about it here.

I will never watch Maher's show again and as a long time customer of HBO, I plan to complain to the network.

Femulating on stage in The Facts of Life: The Lost Episode.

Doing the right thing (pun intended)

Wearing Madeleine.

Luis Montalbert (center) femulates Kylie Minogue on Costa Rican television's Tu Cara Me Suena.

Eavesdropping

I work with engineers. Cubicles populated by hardware and software engineers surround my cubicle. Due to their proximity, eavesdropping is unavoidable, but not very interesting because most of the time they talk about work and their current projects.

When their discussions stray from work-related issues, they seem to be an apolitical bunch. There is one fellow who is fascinated by Trump, but most of the crew keep their political views close to the vest and talk about other non-work matters.

But out of the blue Thursday morning, three engineers have a discussion about how the country is divided... yadda, yadda, yadda... Someone brings up the transgender bathroom issue and I am all ears.

One engineer said, "I don't understand what the big deal is about if a transgender woman is dressed like a woman and uses the women's restroom or if a transgender man is dressed like a man and uses the men's restroom. Who cares?"

End of discussion.

Hurray for our team!

Wearing Polo.

Ted Brightwell on stage in La Cage Aux Folles.

Everything you need to know about the transgender bathroom debate

"To paraphrase Denzel Washington’s character in Philadelphia, can someone explain this transgender bathroom controversy to me like I’m a 6-year-old?

"Someone needs to because nothing about the current debate is making any sense."

Gersh Kuntzman did an excellent job making sense of it in the Daily News. Please read what he wrote here.

Wearing Zimmerman.

Rocker Pete Doherty

Bullies

Throughout my school years, I was a target for bullies. I had a few things going against me that put me in their bullseye.

I was smart. I was always at or near the top of the honor roll and as a result, I was often the teacher's pet.

I was feminine. Compared to my male peers, I was a girly boy and was considered gay.

I was not athletic. Although I loved playing ball, I was usually one of the last to be chosen for a team.

The bullying subsided after I finished school and began working. Occasionally, as an adult, I would have a close encounter of the bullying kind, but most of the time, I was bully-free.

I assumed I would be bully-free for the rest of my life, but the bullies are back. Now they are trying to tell me where I can bathroom.

They claim that they have legitimate reasons to tell me where I can and can not go... to protect women and children in case I decide to become predator while I sit on the throne.

The trans-predator scenario never happened and never will. It is just a bully-sh*t excuse to bully because bullies got to bully and now they are trying to bully us.

 

Wearing Ann Taylor.

Grzegorz Wilk on Polish television's Twoja Twarz Brzmu Znajomo.