Dressing Your Age, Continued

Dee responded to Friday’s post, Dressing Your Age, More or Less.

Reading Sandy's post on “Dressing Your Age, More or Less,” I have to wonder how one goes through life with such a condescending attitude towards a fellow traveler. 

It boggles my mind when femulators (thanks, Stana) can have these two thoughts going on in their head simultaneously:

1. When I’m out in public, I expect others to be tolerant of me; and

2. OMG, do you see what she’s wearing?

In short, tolerance for me, but none for thee.

We don’t want people making fun of us, but we are happy to jump on others because they don’t dress the way we approve? How hypocritical. How condescending. How rude.

Here is a sample.

“Truly, I wonder who these sisters believe they are appealing to and I have come to the conclusion that their choices are determined by wanting to look like someone that they themselves would be attracted to, as well as what clothing they have access to purchasing. Maybe they only feel comfortable buying the discards at the local goodwill or someplace else that affords cheap prices and anonymity while shopping.”

Rubbish.

Every post Stana includes a picture which says “Femulate Her.” There are a lot of cute outfits and some might be “age inappropriate,” according to some. 

I suggest instead that instead of bowing to someone else’s judgment, we make our own decisions and ignore judgments like the one above.

Recently, I had a great interaction with a store manager, Kira, in Melbourne, Australia. She asked me if the clothes I was wearing made me feel confident because they should make you feel confident. All I know is that I walked into her store and saw the top she was wearing and I decided I wanted that top. She’s 22 and a genetic girl and gorgeous – I’m none of the above – and I bought the top and wore it out of the store with confidence (see photo above).

Enough with the shaming of others because they don’t dress the way you think they should. If you want tolerance for yourself for how you dress, you must have tolerance for how others dress. Otherwise, you’re not helping our community, you’re harming it.

Wearing Venus

Femulating in the early 1960’s

Dressing Your Age, More or Less

Sandy responded to Monday’s post, Can I picture Helen Mirren wearing it?

Just wanted to heartily agree with you about deciding if an outfit is age-ish appropriate.

I do not understand how (seemingly) most of our sisters go through their journey trying to look like they are 22, when so many clues give them away.

I mean, I get it. Most of us go through a phase of sorts that feels like we are teens, trying on looks, textures, attitudes. But I think we all have to give a nod to reality – that we tend to and probably should, skew toward the age-appropriate.

Truly, I wonder who these sisters believe they are appealing to and I have come to the conclusion that their choices are determined by wanting to look like someone that they themselves would be attracted to, as well as what clothing they have access to purchasing. Maybe they only feel comfortable buying the discards at the local goodwill or someplace else that affords cheap prices and anonymity while shopping.

Either way, I think it casts a pall over crossdressing/gendering in general because the public can look at those sisters and cast them as pervy and then we, who might try to dress pretty/classy/age-appropriate, get painted the same way. That’s unfortunate.

What’s more is that I think women’s fashion has evolved beyond the age of our grandmother’s hausfrau dresses and other unsexy outfits. These days, most ciswomen still want to be considered kinda hip, if not young and pretty, and there are many styles out there now to accommodate (including hairstyles). I think it’s sad that there are many sisters out there who don’t know the difference and don’t get with the program.

I also understand “to each, their own,” but from a girl who prefers the looks that I think honor ciswomen, by trying to emulate them more: girl next door,  soccer mom, business woman.

I do find some of the fetish looks make my hobby feel a little dirty and seedy (if that makes any sense).

Wearing St. John

Dressing my age – NOT!

Can I picture Helen Mirren wearing it?

Girls like us receive a lot of flack about how we dress. Specifically about how we don’t dress our age. That girls like us dress like girls half our age (and look ridiculous doing so).

I plead guilty of not dressing my age. In my defense, I claim that I don’t look my age – that I look younger than my 71 years, so why not take advantage of that fact and dress like a 50-year-old woman.

And when considering whether I look good in any outfit I am wearing, I use the following checklist:

1. Do I look good?

2. Do I feel good?

3. Does it say something positive (and perhaps truthful) about my rank in life?

4. Can I picture Helen Mirren wearing it?

In my opinion, question number 4 does it for me! If I can imagine the 70-something Ms. Mirren wearing the same outfit that I am wearing, then I believe it is perfectly appropriate for this 70-something femulator.

Wearing Joie

Femulating in the shower

Growing Old Isn't for Sissies

As I close in on my 70th birthday, I am feeling my age. Aches and pains linger longer. I don’t move as fast as I did in the past, but I do get tired faster. My memory is not as good as it used to be and my eyesight is slowly getting worse.

On the other hand, my health is very good. I have no diseases and no prescriptions. And I look young for my age. I’m sure that never smoking and seldom drinking has something to do with it. Applying creams and moisturizers on a daily basis helps, too.

That being said, when I was younger, I assumed that when I became a senior citizen, I would not want to femulate because I would be an old lady. The desire to crossdress would dry up just like my youth. Who wants to look like an old lady? So I would abandon femulating and rest on my laurels.

Wrong!

The desire to femulate is stronger than ever. I want to femulate as often as possible because time is running out. But I feel so frustrated because the pandemic is keeping my femulations at bay. 

I do dress to the nines at home to keep in shape for future outings, but dressing up with no place to go is so boring. The holidays usually offer many opportunities to dress to kill, but not this year!

I am so anxious to femulate that I plan to dress en femme when I go to get vaccinated.

Wearing Adrianna Papell

“Old Lady” wearing Boston Proper dress and Nine West heels

(Cross) Dressing Your Age

Personally, I think that my legs are ok, but other people have convinced me that they are more so. My mother often said I had beautiful legs (and that “you should have been a girl with legs like yours”). My wife and other cisgender women have admitted that I have nicer legs than they do. 

I am tall, so my legs are long; maybe their length causes an optical illusion making them look better than they really are. I don't know, but I am not going to argue with success. If other people are happy with my legs, then I am happy with them, too.

So, I ask myself, “Since my legs are such a great asset, why not show them off?” I usually respond by wearing skirts and dresses with short hemlines (sometimes scandalously short hemlines) and high heels that are 2, 3 or 4 inches high.

When I add 4-inch heels to my 5-foot, 14-inch stature, I standout in a crowd topping out at an Amazonian 6 and 1/2 feet! So, when I am out in that crowd, some people may think I am an Amazon or I played for the WNBA; other people may think I am a man in drag.

One rule of thumb for passing is that you should crossdress your age, i.e., if you are an XX-year-old crossdresser, you should dress like an XX-year-old cisgender woman. At my age that means long skirts and lower heels or worse. By “worse” I am referring to the fact that these days cisgender women my age dress like cisgender men! Trousers, slacks and flats, not skirts, dresses and heels, is the norm especially among women my age.

I remember dining with four other T-girls in downtown Hartford. The place was full of 20- and 30-somethings, men and women alike. Do you know how many people I saw in the restaurant wearing a skirt or a dress? Two: one of the T-girls I was dining with and me! I did not see one cisgender woman in a skirt or dress.

To blend in that night, I should have worn slacks, not the short black skirt that I wore. And if I really wanted to pass that night, I should have worn flats instead of high-heeled boots, socks instead of pantyhose, a plaid shirt instead of an animal-print top, boxers instead of a panty girdle, a t-shirt instead of a bra. Also, I should have nixed the makeup and left my pocketbook, wig, and jewelry at home. Then, I would have passed easily, but as a man.

In my opinion, passing is overrated. If I have to make a choice between dressing to pass or dressing to thrill, I will choose dressing to thrill every time. Sometimes, I dress to pass, but that's no fun. For starters, when I dress to pass, I usually am not that happy with the clothing I wear. To make matters worse, when I dress to pass, I constantly worry about passing. I cannot enjoy myself out en femme. It is a real drag!

On the other hand, when I dress to thrill, I am very happy with the way I look and I can be myself because I do not worry about passing. What is interesting is that sometimes when I am dressed to thrill, I pass!

Here is one of my favorite passing-when-I-wasn't-trying stories.

Doing outreach at Southern Connecticut State University, I started the day in 3-1/2-inch stilettos, but just in case, I brought a pair of flats that I left in the car. After shopping at the mall before outreach and going to the first of two classes to do outreach, my 3-1/2-inch stilettos had to go, so I went to the car to fetch my more comfortable shoes.

As I walked through the parking lot, I saw a university dump truck parked right in front of the car. The driver was talking with another university employee standing next to the truck. Oh, damn, just what I needed, the classic transwoman nightmare, a Transwoman vs. Macho Guy Face-Off!

I was ready for the worst! Making a beeline for the car, I tried to ignore the guys, but the guy standing by the side of the truck greeted me with a very flirtatious, “Good afternoon,” while the guy in the truck smiled appreciatively and drove away.

They flirted with me! Wow – that was so unexpected!

So when I go out en femme, I am likely to dress to thrill and show off my legs rather than dress to pass. And if I do pass, then that is just an extra thrill.

Wearing Bebe

Eve, a lady in red

Peer Appearance

Karen Bigelow: A Peer

What do celebrities Kirstie Alley, Jane Seymour, Kathryn Bigelow, Lynda Carter, Angelica Huston, Cheryl Ladd, Pam Dawber, Karen Allen and Patricia Wettig have in common?

They were all born in 1951, so they will all be 68 years old by the end of this year, just like me.

Cool cats occasionally scold me that I dress too young. My hair is too long, my skirts too short, my heels too high and my makeup too too for a 68-year-old woman. They whine that I should "dress my age!"

OK — so how do I dress my age?

I know how my grandmothers dressed when they were in their 60s (back in the 1960s coincidentally), but no one of any age dresses like that today.

Looking around to see how my peers dress does not work because I am bad at guessing peoples' ages, so I am never sure who are my peers age-wise.

So I resorted to the Internet.

I searched "women born 1951" and Google came back with a variety of lists of famous people born that year. After checking to see if I made the list (I did not), I checked to see who did.

I culled the females from the top of the lists, searched the Internet for any of their photos taken during the past 12 months and I found recent photos of the females mentioned above. (By the way, four of them also appear on my Famous Females of Height List: 5'8" Kirstie Alley, 5'9" Lynda Carter, 5'10" Angelica Huston and 6' Kathryn Bigelow.)

First I looked at the hair. None had hairdos shorter than mine. Two wore pageboys and the rest wore shoulder-length or longer hairdos. Therefore, based on my peers, my hair is too short for a 68-year-old woman!

Next I looked at the shoes. All wore heels of various heights. Hard to be exact, but I estimate that the average heel height was in the 3 to 4 inch range. (Hands down, the tallest female, Kathryn Bigelow, wore the highest heels.) So I conclude that my choice in footwear, that is, heels in the 2 to 5 inch range fit right in with my peers.

To determine how much makeup a person wears, you need a photo of that person without makeup to compare it with a photo of that person with makeup. I had no photos without makeup, so determining how much makeup my peers wear was difficult.

Nearly all of them wear eye makeup, probably no more or less than I do. Nearly all also wear lip color, but here is where I need to make an adjustment. No dark reds, so if I want my lip coloring to match my peers, a more natural lip color should be my goal.

I knew going in that skirt length might be my downfall and I was correct. Most of the hemlines were in the neighborhood of the knee, either at the knee or slightly above or below the knee. None wore a thigh-high hemline like I occasionally find myself wearing.

In conclusion, all I have to do is wear a more natural lip color and lower my hemlines, then I will be dressing my age. On the other hand, life is too short, so maybe I will wear whatever I damn well please!

Wearing Wholesale 7

Carollyn Olson wearing Venus

Older and Occasionally Wiser

I'd wear this if I was 29-years-old

I am getting older all the time, but I still think and act like a kid.

In that regard, being a femulator is a blessing. If you are adept at applying makeup, you can look younger than your actual age.

Wigs help a lot, too. A nice wig can subtract a decade from your real age especially if your hair is gray, thinning or gone.

You can try dressing younger, too, but I think you can only go so far with that. For example, let’s say that you are a 45-year-old femulator. With the proper wig and makeup, you may be able to look like a 35-year-old woman, but don’t think that dressing like a 20-year-old will make you look like a 20-year-old woman. Instead, you will look like a 35-year-old woman trying to dress like a 20-year-old.

If you are successful in knocking off a decade with the proper wig and makeup, be satisfied and dress appropriately for your new age, i.e., if you look like a 35-year-old woman, then dress like a 35-year-old woman.

My problem is that when I look in the mirror, I see a young woman, who can wear anything and get away with it. The proof is in my photos – I can fool myself when I look in the mirror, but I am not so fooled when I look at my photos. So I often snap a photo or two before I go out wearing a new outfit to make sure I can get away with it.

Thought for the Day

My mind is blank!

Tadashi Shoji (Source: Macy's)

Dave Castiblanco (Source: New Male Fashion)

To Survive On This Shore

Gloria, 70, Chicago, IL

To Survive On This Shore is a project by Jess T. Dugan and Vanessa Fabbre that documents the lives of older transgender people using photos and interviews.

"Representations of older transgender people are nearly absent from our culture and within artistic realms, and those that do exist are often one-dimensional. To Survive on this Shore combines photographs of transgender and gender-variant people over the age of fifty with interviews about their life experiences in regards to gender, identity, age, and sexuality and provides a nuanced view into the complexities of aging as a transgender person. By combining our experiences working as a photographer and social worker within the transgender community, we hope to create a project that is simultaneously highly personal and socially relevant.

"Ultimately, we desire to provide visibility to a community that is often overlooked, both because of their age as well as their gender, and to encourage empathy, understanding, and dialogue."

I love the photos and interviews that have been collected for this project. I think Femulate readers will like them, too. And if anyone is interested in being part of this documentary, the team is looking for additional participants.

(Thank you, Aunty Marlena, for the heads-up about this project.)

Paris street style, March 2017

Femulating during Carnaval.

Fashion for Old Ladies (Like Me)

I am an old lady (65 years old and counting).

When I was a teenager in the 1960s, my grandmothers were about my age today. They dressed like peers their age. As I recall, here were the key items of their wardrobe:

- Ankle-length, flowing dresses that left everything to the imagination, usually in a dark color or a floral pattern.

- Black sensible laced shoes with short, thick heels.

- Black sensible bags.

- Hats festooned with flowers.

- Little or no makeup or jewelry.

- No pants. I never saw my grandmothers wear pants. I doubt if they owned a pair.

Fifty years later and I am old enough to be a grandmother, but I dress nothing like my grandmothers (does anyone?). If anything, I dress like my mother when she was in her 40s and 50s. But sometimes I wonder if I should dress more like the old lady I am rather than a middle-aged woman.

After reading Rhonda's post "Feminine Differential - Body Image," I am convinced I am good.

Rhonda's post is a good read and I urge you to see it for yourself. In it, she refers to a recent post about body image from a blog called Haute Business Fashion and Finance written by that blog's author, Helen.

After perusing Helen's post, I added her blog to my Blog List for future reference. Helen is about 10 years younger than I, but we have some things in common... wouldn't you say?

Helen and I

Wearing Veronica Beard blazer.

The beautiful Terence Stamp femulating for the 1994 Australian film
The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

Retirement Age

"Telling us we should or shouldn't wear certain items is an easy way to make us take pause. Every woman is allowed to dictate her own personal style and what makes her feel best. That being said, we've all come to a time when we've stopped and asked ourselves, Do I really still want to wear this? Whether it's due to passing trends or evolving taste, over time, there are pieces that just no longer seem to fit in with the rest of our wardrobes."

In today's WhoWhatWear, Aemilia Madden writes about the right age to retire certain items in your closet including such tranny staples as miniskirts, leggings and skinny jeans. I invite you to follow this link to begin thinning out your closet.

Wearing David Meister.

Jorge femulates Jennifer Lopez on Romanian television's Te Cunosc de Undeva!