Dress to Shop

Meg wrote, “When you’re dressed and shop, what do you wear?

"I'm planning to talk to saleswomen and ask to try clothes on next time I go. I’ve wanted to but never done it so far.

“Is a dress better than a skirt/blouse? If I’m wearing the latter and I want to try on a dress, I have to remove both and there may be many buttons. If I wear the former, I need to find a top to go with a bottom or vice-versa when I want to try one on and if the dress goes over my head, my wig could get out-of-sorts (also with a pullover top, hence the worry about buttons).

“How about sharing your experiences?”

👠 👠 👠

I'll gladly share my experience, Meg.

When I go shopping and plan to try clothes on in the store, I wear something that is easy to take off and put back on, so usually a dress without a lot of buttons. Also, something that has a wide collar opening like a scoop neck or V-neck, so as not to muss up my hair and makeup when I pull it off and on (so avoid anything with a turtleneck).

The best thing I ever wore shopping was a dress that had a zipper in front that zipped from the neckline to the hemline of the dress. I could get in and out of that dress quick like a bunny.

Also, to minimize changing back into the outfit you wore into the store, take as many outfits as the store allows to the dressing room. Or shop in a store where there is personalized service with a salesperson at your beck and call to fetch outfits for you while you are in the dressing room.

If you are shopping for a skirt to match a top or vice versa, then that is a different story and you will want to wear whatever you are trying to match, unless it is so generic that you can find something in the store to use for matching.

On the other hand, if you are just skirt shopping, for example, wear an easy on-and-off dress. When you find the skirts you want to try on, grab a top, too, so that you will have something to model with the skirts. Of course, you don't have to purchase the top, but then you might find one that goes so nicely with the skirt you are buying that you will just have to buy the top, too!

I hope that helps!

👠 👠 👠

Occasionally, I receive e-mails asking for advice. Often, the writers of these e-mails indicate that they are hesitant about writing to me for advice because they don't want to bother me.

On the contrary, I love receiving e-mails asking for advice. My maternal side loves to help others if she can, so please feel free to ask. Maybe I can help you and maybe you will help me by expanding my knowledge of the transworld. And maybe our e-mail exchange will inspire me to write an interesting blog posting (like this one).

So, use the “send me e-mail” link on the right to write to me.

Wearing St. John

Advertisement for an “All-Male Review” in Atlantic City, circa 1969

Fashionista Wednesday

Black opaque tights with black patent high heel pumps

I am very busy this week packing for my daughter's move to Hartford, but I will be going out to dinner this evening and am looking forward to dressing to the nines.

In light of my Fashionista Wednesday, I recommend reading Rhonda's must-read "your style" post.

And over at Who What Wear, Kat Collins writes about three fashion blunders that may be aging you (and me).

Meanwhile, Romney recently asked me, "What is the 'rule' for color/shade of stockings in consideration of the color/shade of skirt?"

I really don't consider the skirt or dress color when choosing a hosiery color. I am more concerned with the shoe color, for example, I would never wear a shade of hosiery that is darker than the color of my shoe.

Being a fashionista, I usually wear a nude shade of hosiery because fashionable ladies don't wear any hosiery at all and a nude shade is as close to achieving the same results (I don't think my legs are good enough to go without hosiery.)

One look I love is wearing nude hosiery with nude high heel pumps. It creates the illusion of having longer legs (as if I needed that!).

For dress-up occasions, I often wear black or off-black for a sexier look. Dressing for my company's Christmas luncheon, I wore pin dot pantyhose, which added a bit of pizzazz to an otherwise plain off-black shade of hosiery.

If I wear tights, which I often do in the winter to add a little warmth when wearing a skirted outfit, I usually wear black opaque tights, which look very fashionable when worn with black patent high heel pumps.

I hope that was helpful. If not, ask again.

Black opaque tights with black patent high heel pumps (Source: Pinterest)

Alan Manson femulates in the 1943 film This Is the Army.

Failures in Femulation : Bad Hair Daze

Caveat emptor: I have no formal training in the arts related to femulation. However, I do have over 50 years experience practicing those arts and have become so adept at them that I pass more often than not.

Inexpensive wigs are attractive to femulators because they are inexpensive. Their attractiveness ends there because a cheap wig by any other name is still a cheap wig.

When you wear a cheap wig, there is no fooling anyone that the hair on your head is fake. And when people see that you are wearing a wig, they might examine you more closely and find other clues that give away your natal gender.

I have owned a few cheap wigs in my time and I have photos wearing those cheap wigs that convinced me to go upscale in the wig department. “Upscale” meant spending $99 rather than $49 for a wig.

It was an improvement, but not good enough. A $99 wig was still relatively inexpensive for a wig (it was just a more expensive "cheap" wig).

Also, I did not know what wig was best for me. I tried different styles, different lengths, and different colors, but always avoided blond shades and short lengths.

I avoided blonds because I thought that blond was oh so drag. All the boys who wanted to be girls wanted to be blond girls.

Also, I avoided short lengths because I thought my head was too big to be properly covered with a short wig.

A trip to a pro convinced me otherwise.

A local wig shop often hosts a meeting of my support group. A few years ago, I was the hostess, which meant that I showed up early to bring the refreshments. I had no intention of buying a wig; it was just another opportunity to be out en femme, so I was happy to be the hostess and not necessarily a wig customer.

We had an excellent turn-out and new wigs were flying out the door throughout the evening. As things were winding down, the wig shop owner, Kathy, said it was my turn. She sat me down at a mirror and went to the back room to fetch a wig she thought would be perfect for me.

A few minutes later, she returned with a short blond wig.

I thought to myself, "Oh no, she's is making a mistake."

She pulled the wig over my head, finger-combed it a bit and then let me look in the mirror.

In a very soft voice, I said, "Oh, my god!"

The wig looked absolutely fabulous on me and I did not think twice about purchasing it.

That wig ("Ryan" by Noriko on my head in the photo above) was not cheap by any means, but it was worth every penny. It pushed my femulation skills up a few notches.

I lost count how many times people complimented me about my hair and how many times those same people were shocked to find out I was wearing a wig. (I never received such reactions wearing my $99 wigs.)

So the bottom line is (1) seek out a professional wig seller for advice concerning the best wig color, style and length for you and (2) be willing to spend much more than $99 for a wig.

Thought for the Day

Femulating is hard work, but I love my job!

Wearing Saylor (source: Rent the Runway).

Will Forte femulating on television's 30 Rock.

Getting Fabulous

Ginger Burr at Total Image Consultants publishes Nurturing Beauty Fashion Secrets Newsletter, a weekly missive that contains useful articles and tips on how to present a more fabulous you. For example, this week's lead article is "10 Ways to Mix Prints with Beauty, Style & Grace."

I have been a subscriber like forever and I think I am more fashionably fabulous today than before I began subscribing, so I have Ginger to thank for that.

If you don't already subscribe to Ginger's newsletter, fill out the subscription form at the bottom of the Total Image Consultants home page and you will receive Ginger's free e-book as well as a newsletter subscription!

If you already subscribe, be sure to let Ginger know whether you prefer her newsletter's current weekly schedule or her proposed biweekly schedule. (I need all the help I can get, so I voted to stick with the weekly schedule, but your mileage may vary, so vote accordingly.)

Wearing Suno.

Libor Landa (right), professional femulator

Out Among the Civilians

Dear Stana,

When femulating out among the civilians, what are important things to keep in mind?

Jan


Hi Jan,

When I started femulating in public, I was afraid that people would recognize me as a crossdresser. As a result, I looked and acted as if I had something to hide; I walked with my head down, looked away quickly if I saw someone looking at me, and I avoided encounters with teenagers, with males, with anybody!

People who noticed, might wonder why I was acting as if I had something to hide and when they looked closer, they might figure out why ― because I was a guy crossdressing in public.

I was outing myself!

Once I figured out the error of my ways, I was determined not to out myself again. Since then, I have followed three rules that have helped me achieve that goal:

1.  Act as if you belong, so walk tall and strut your stuff.

2.  Don't look away furtively if other people look at you. Do the opposite: look back at them and disarm them with a smile.

3.  You are a beautiful woman and you should be happy about it, so smile, smile, smile.

Best Wishes,

Stana


Do you need advice concerning femulation or other crossdressing-related matters, then e-mail me and I will happily give you my opinion on the matter. My e-mail address is stana-stana at sbcglobal.net.

Wearing Alice + Olivia.

Student femulators embracing Gender Switch Day.

Take For Granted

When I write about my experiences out en femme, I take some things for granted because I have gone out en femme so often and am very comfortable doing it.

However, I may be letting you readers down because I am leaving out those things I take for granted. I don't want to do that, so if there is anything you would like me to expand upon, please let me know and I will gladly write about it. Also, if there are any topics you would like me to address, I am very willing to consider your suggestions.

Please leave your wish list as a comment below or e-mail it to me directly via stana-stana @ sbcglobal.net. I look forward to hearing from you.

Meanwhile, I leave you with a photo of me wearing the other dress I purchased at DressBarn on Wednesday.

Overdressing vs. Passing

Dear Stana.

Even though I pass very well and I get flattering comments from both guys and other T-girls, this is only when I am at a T-girl club. Outside of the club, I always 'know' that I am not a natural female and this reflects in my looking nervous; in turn, the lack of confidence then makes me more easy to read!
 
I also go for a glamorous look, which once again, is great at a T-girl club, but natural girls don't wear heels and a glamorous dress to buy a quart of milk. But without the glamorous additions, I feel less female and more drab and therefore, more easily read. I also hate looking dowdy as a girl as the fun (to me anyway) is dressing up and looking 'sparkly' and glamorous. Else wise, I might as well stay a boy!
 
I know this is all due to confidence, but it would be lovely to just be Emma and go out to lunch without all the worry. If you have any ideas to reduce the anxiety then that would be great.

Regards,

Emma

***

Dear Emma,

Been there, done that, and still doing that!

I don't dress glamouously unless the occasion calls for it, but I do dress very nicely (heels, dress, jewelry, makeup, etc.) when I go out. As a result, I sometimes am overdressed for the venue in which I find myself.

Like you, I worried that overdressing was a dead giveaway that I was a tran. So I avoided going places when I was overdressed, which in effect, kept me out of a lot of places.

Six years ago, I was dressed to the nines (very sparkly) to attend a Christmas party. On the way to the party, I realized that I forgot to buy munchies for the party (all the attendees were supposed to bring some food or drink to share).

There was a Stop & Shop in the neighborhood where I could buy something. I was way overdressed for Stop & Shop, but I convinced myself that I had a perfect excuse for being overdressed. Also, I recalled in the past seeing other overdressed women in Stop & Shop while (I assumed) they were on their way to or from a wedding or graduation or some other dressy event (or maybe they were trans, too).

Although my confidence was shaky, my mind was set and I went into Stop & Shop, picked out some baked goods, paid the cashier, and was out the door without an issue. No one paid any special attention to me, no one pointed at me, no one laughed at me. It was all so anti-climactic.

That episode did wonders for my confidence. After that I stopped worrying about being "overdressed." I go where I please and if I think about it, I just tell myself that I am an appropriately dressed office girl running an errand for the boss or somesuch excuse.

You say, "you pass very well," so that just makes it easier.

So just do it --- after a few forays out in the real world, you will be amazed how confident and comfortable you will feel.

You go, girl!

Stana

***
Need advice concerning femulation, then e-mail me and I will happily give you my opinion on the matter. My e-mail address is stana-stana at sbcglobal.net.

Help Femulating

Since most us played on the other team most of our lives, femulating can be challenging. We try to be mature women, yet we are still learning the basics that young women take for granted.

Personally, I willingly accept all the help I can get. One source of help I find very useful is Ginger Burr, an image consultant, who I had the pleasure of meeting last fall. Ginger runs Total Image Consultants, an image consultant business  in the Boston area and has both cis and transgender women as clients.

Ginger also has an online presence. She writes a blog and sends out sage advice via e-mail.

Today her blog asks "Do You Have a One-Dimensional Wardrobe?"

Ginger writes, "Here’s something to ponder: There’s a fine line between ‘knowing’ yourself (for instance, feeling genuinely confident that harem pants are not for you) and ‘limiting’ yourself, and your style when it’s not necessary.

"Many women pigeon hole themselves into a prescribed way of dressing and thereby limit their options and often squelch their sense of delight. Their wardrobe becomes functional and one-dimensional — devoid of any personal style and their boredom level escalates."

I highly recommend reading the rest of the article; you can find it here.

You can also subscribe to Ginger’s e-mails here.

And may your weekend be femulating!

How Short?

"Here's a fashion hint: if you have to tug your skirt down all the time, it is too short." – Trina Robbins

– A Femulate Summer Rerun –

High Heel Hangover

6 Steps to Getting Back on Your Feet Fast

By Neal M. Blitz, D.P.M., F.A.C.F.A.S., Chief of Foot Surgery and Associate Chairman of Orthopaedics, Bronx-Lebanon Hospital in New York

"It is no secret that high heels are 'bad' for your feet and over time they can cause all sorts of foot problems, but it's the day after wearing high heels that women can have major foot pain or discomfort. This day-after foot pain from wearing high heels is the called the 'High Heel Hangover'."

Read the rest of the story here on The Huffington Post.

Stuck in an Online Fashion Rut?

Ginger Burr is an image consultant who presented at a Connecticut Outreach Society meeting in October. She was very good, so I subscribed to her e-mail list, where she offers advice to improve your female visage.

Since so many of us girls depend on online resources to shop for our feminine wardrobes, I thought Ginger's advice today was particularly relevant: Are You Stuck in an Online Fashion Rut?

I hope you find her advice useful (I did).

Dear Stana: Your Gorgeous Wig

Dear Stana,

What is the make and model of your wig. It makes you look wonderfully womanlike.

Thanks,

Patio

Hi Patio,

Thank you for the compliment!

I favor the monofilament wigs from Noriko, specifically the models that are available in gradient dark rooted colors."

Since I began wearing the Noriko brand, I have been told countless times that my wigs look like real hair. Some people were actually shocked when I told them I was wearing a wig.

Besides the excellent quality of Noriko wigs, I believe that the dark roots sell the wig as being authentic hair.

I own a variety of Noriko wigs including their "Stacie" model, which appears in the accompanying photo.

Best Wishes,

Stana

Need advice concerning femulation or other crossdressing-related matters, then e-mail me and I will happily give you my opinion on the matter. My e-mail address is stana-stana at sbcglobal.net.

Dear Stana: How Do You Use T-Dar?

Dear Stana,

What do you in the following situation: You're at Fantasia Fair and a trans-woman walks by, but her female presentation is poor. If there are no people around so as not to embarrass her, would you consider offering suggestions to her to improve her presentation?

I have often wondered what would you do.

A Reader


Dear Reader.

I have written about using trans-radar before, but it will do no harm (and maybe some good) if I write about it again.

Trans-radar, or T-Dar for short, is the ability to detect a trans-person when they are presenting in their non-birth gender. For example, you see a tall woman walking through the mall. Suddenly, your T-Dar kicks in and you begin looking for clues that the woman is actually a natal male presenting as a female.

No matter how good you think your T-Dar may be, you seldom have an opportunity to determine whether your T-Dar works correctly or not.

You can confront a suspected trans-person, but that can be disastrous, especially if you are wrong.

I recall reading about a trans-woman who encountered two tall women while shopping. Her T-Dar told her that the two women were trans and she confronted them by introducing herself as trans and saying something to the effect, "You're trans, too, aren't you?"

The two women reacted as if the trans-woman had just gotten off a spaceship from Neptune. They had no idea what she was talking about and when it became apparent to the trans-woman that she had erred, she wished that she was on Neptune.

And even if your T-Dar is correct confronting a suspected trans-person can be a sensitive matter.

Last time I attended the First Event trans convention, I arrived at the hotel in boy mode and took the elevator to the floor to register for the event. The elevator stopped before reaching my destination and a trans-woman got on. I was 101% positive that she was trans and without thinking, I asked her if she was enjoying First Event.

She was taken aback by my query and seemed very uncomfortable. I immediately realized the error of my ways and explained to her that I was trans too, but having just arrived at the hotel, had not changed into girl mode yet. She seemed a little relieved, but I learned a lesson and would think twice before doing that again.

It is probably best that using your T-Dar be a solitary thing. Keep your T-Dar findings to yourself unless, of course, you write a trans-blog, then you can publicize your T-Dar results. ("Yesterday, I saw a trans-woman in ladies' shoes at Macy's.")

On the other hand, I have had trans-women ask me for advice or to give them my opinion about their presentation on occasion. I am always honored when they ask me and I do my best to give them honest advice or a true opinion.

But I would never offer unsolicited advice or opinion to a trans-woman. First and foremost, she is a woman. Would you ever consider giving unsolicited advice or opinion to a non-trans-woman who you happen to encounter anywhere anytime? Of course not because it would be extremely rude. Just because the other woman may be trans is no reason to throw good manners out the window.

Enough said!

By the way, I believe that most trans-people have T-Dar. It almost comes naturally because trans-people look for affirmation that there are other trans-people out there. What better way to affirm that then to actually see another trans-person in person? Seeking that affirmation, trans-people check out potential suspects wherever they go.

Even when my T-Dar determines that the six-foot woman walking through the mall is, in fact, a genetic female, it provides a different kind of affirmation. It affirms that there are genuine tall women out there and as a six-foot-plus trans-woman, it gives me encouragement to go out en femme and join the other tall women out there because I am not alone.

Best Wishes,

Stana

Do you need advice concerning femulation or other crossdressing-related matters, then e-mail me and I will happily give you my opinion on the matter. My e-mail address is stana-stana at sbcglobal.net.

Dear Stana, Why is it so?

Dear Stana,

Regarding your advice on how to wear garter belts, you recommended wearing your panties over your garter belt, but I have seen pictures of girls wearing the garter belts over the panties and not under. Why is it so?

Susan


Hi Susan,

You see photos of girls wearing garter belts over their panties because it looks nicer; it looks sexier.

As a practical matter, wearing your panties over your garters makes it much easier to use the bathroom (or do anything else requiring panty removal). Just slip off your panties and voila, your private parts are free.

If you wear your panties under your garters, first you have to unclasp each garter (that's four or six clasps to undo) and then you can slip off your panties. Also, you will have to reclasp four or six garters after you slip your panties on again.

Best Wishes,

Stana

Do you need advice concerning femulation or other crossdressing-related matters, then e-mail me and I will happily give you my opinion on the matter. My e-mail address is stana-stana at sbcglobal.net.

Dear Stana

Dear Stana,

How do keep a garter-belt and stockings or pantyhose from sliding down your waist and legs?

Susan

Hi Susan,

If you buy the correct sizes, you should not have a problem.

The garter belt should be large enough to fit around your waist, but small enough so that it does not slip down over your hips. You can adjust the size of the belt to accommodate your waist and hip combination, but do not make it too tight and create an unsightly bulge.

The stockings should be long enough so that their tops reach the clasps of the garter belt. You can adjust the length of the garters so that the clasps meet the top of your stockings. If the stockings are too short and need to be stretched to their outer limits in order to reach the clasps, you are likely to experience slippage as you move about.

You did not ask, but be sure to attach the stockings to your garter belt before putting on your panties.

Size matters with pantyhose, too. The only time I had problems with pantyhose is wearing a pair too small for me. The pantyhose must be large enough so that their waistband sits at your waist and is tight enough so that it does not slip down below your waist, but not so tight that it creates a bulge.

Like stockings, if you have to stretch the pantyhose to their outer limits in order to get them to fit properly, then the pantyhose are too small and they will slip down your legs as you move around.

Best Wishes,

Stana

Do you need advice concerning femulation or other crossdressing-related matters, then e-mail me and I will happily give you my opinion on the matter. My e-mail address is stana-stana at sbcglobal.net.

almost perfect

I received an e-mail this morning from a girl overseas, who is hesitant about going out en femme because she wants to make sure she passes. (Crossdressing in public can result in a jail term in her country of residence.)

She attached a photo to her e-mail and asked if I could offer any advice.

She looked absolutely beautiful. Her hair and makeup were perfect. Her femulation was almost perfect, but there was one telltale sign that gave her away: her beard.

I assume she shaved as closely as possible, so what appeared in her photo were the hairs of her beard just beneath the skin. They are more obvious in photographs, but they are also likely visible with the naked eye and might give her away if she goes out en femme.

So, I recommended that she use a beard cover under her foundation.

Beard cover is readily available stateside, but I don't know about its availability where she lives now. I wish her the best of luck.

(By the way, the photo accompanying this post is not the photo of the girl who asked me for advice.)

Dear Staci

Dear Staci,

Is your female persona different from your male persona. If so, what are the key differences?

MonicaM

Hi MonicaM,

There is not much difference between my female and male personas. People who know both tell me that I am the same in male and female mode.

I know I do not act any differently in male or female mode. I am the first to admit that I am not a typical macho guy and when I was growing up, some of my peers let me know about it.

A telling moment occurred many years ago when I went to a Halloween party in college dressed as a woman. One of my classmates, who knew me well commented that it had never occurred to him how naturally feminine my speech and mannerisms were until he saw me dressed as a woman. And so it goes.

Best Wishes,

Staci

Do you need advice concerning femulation or other crossdressing-related matters, then e-mail me and I will happily give you my opinion on the matter. My e-mail address is staci-staci at sbcglobal.net.

Dear Staci

Your beard cover and upper arms?

Dear Staci,

You do look stunning...I have 2 questions for you.

a) What do you use for beard cover?

b) How do you keep your upper arms looking so feminine?

MonicaM

---

Hi MonicaM,

Thank you for the kind words!

For beard cover, I use BC-2, an orange-colored product of The Research Council of Makeup Artists, Inc. (RCMA). I bought my tub of BC-2 from Alcone years ago and it will probably last me for another few years.

One of the few good things about getting old is that much of my beard has turned gray. Those parts don't require concealing, so these days I only have to use a little beard cover above my upper lip and on my chin where the beard is still dark.

For my upper arms, I remove hair and that is all I do. My arms are thin and not muscular, so maybe that is why they look so feminine.

Best Wishes,

Staci

---

Do you need advice concerning femulation or other crossdressing-related matters, then e-mail me and I will happily give you my opinion on the matter. My e-mail address is staci-staci at sbcglobal.net.

Dear Staci

What's your secret?

Dear Staci,

Your photos don't do you justice! In person, your skin is glowing and so feminine. What's your secret? Do you use hormones?

Hugs,

An Inquiring Girl

---

Hi Inquiring Girl,

Thank you for the very kind words.

I never used hormones. I also never smoked, seldom imbibe alcohol, try to eat healthily, watch my weight, and walk daily for exercise.

I began using skin care products about five years ago after shunning them for most of my life because I thought they were a waste of time and money. I changed my mind after trying a sample eye cream that did wonders to the fine line situation around my eyes.

After my positive experience with the eye cream, I began using other skin care products and they made a big difference, too. In addition to improving and feminizing the look and condition of my skin, I also discovered that when I used makeup, it "liked" my new skin; as a result, it went on easier and lasted longer.

The following summarizes the products I currently use.

Cleansing - Olay Foaming Face Wash – I use it in the morning and in the evening.

Exfoliating - Avon Sweet Finish Sugar Scrub Exfoliant – I do not use an exfoliant daily. Typically, I use it once or twice a week or whenever my face feels like it needs a deep cleansing. Avon discontinued this product, but luckily I stocked up on this product during a sale.

Morning Regimen – After cleansing my skin, I apply three products in the following order:

1. Avon Ageless Results Renewing Eye Cream – I apply this to my eye problem areas, i.e., below and the outer corners of my eyes, but you can also use this cream above your eyes.

2. Cosmedicine MegaDose Skin Fortifying Serum – I apply this to my nose, cheeks, chin, and around my mouth. This is an expensive product, but the good news is that a little goes a long way; 1 ounce lasts me over three months.

3. Philosophy When Hope Is Not Enough Replenishing Cream – This is billed as a nighttime cream, but I use it as a daytime moisturizer. I apply it all over my face and neck.

Evening Regimen – I just cleanse my face and get a good night's sleep.

And that is all!

Best Wishes,

Staci

---

Do you need advice concerning femulation or other crossdressing-related matters, then e-mail me and I will happily give you my opinion on the matter. My e-mail address is staci-staci at sbcglobal.net.

Man Asks Abby's Advise About His Skirts

It’s Official: Man Skirts Have Reached the Mainstream, or At Least Dear Abby

Guys, are you still fashioning your resolutions? May we be of some assistance? Perhaps it's time to put your insecurities and fears aside and think, WWMD. Yes, indeed, What would Marc do? Everyone's favorite designer was on a mission in 2008 to single-handedly make the man skirt acceptable and, yes, chic. And, sure, people scoffed. But secretly, men wondered if they could carry off the look.

Read the rest of the story here.