The Woodman

Stana Goes to the Movies

On Monday, Woody Allen’s memoir Apropos of Nothing was published. Being a big fan of The Woodman’s films, I ordered the Kindle edition of the book and read its 400 pages in three days.

Let me say up front that I never paid much attention to the allegations of sexual assault against Allen. I considered the source (Mia Farrow) and did not put much stock in her claims. After reading Allen’s memoir, I am convinced that Farrow is a liar and that Allen is innocent, just as the authorities determined.

That out of the way, I thoroughly enjoyed the book. I had many laugh-out-loud moments reading it. And it moved me to pull out my collection of Woody Allen DVDs to revisit his films.

Connecting Woody Allen films to the main topic of this blog, I can recall three crossdressing moments in his films.

In Celebrity, 6-foot-tall actress Famke Janssen is mistaken for a crossdresser.

One of the seven stories in Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid To Ask, involves the misadventures of a crossdresser played by Lou Jacobi (photo above).

In Broadway Danny Rose, Milton Berle femulates Glinda “the Good Witch” from The Wizard of Oz riding a float in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. (Broadway Danny Rose is one of my favorite films. It is a laugh riot and features Nick Apollo Forte, who lived in my old neighborhood.)

Besides Broadway Danny Rose, my other favorite Allen films are Annie Hall, Love and Death, Hannah and Her Sisters, Manhattan, Midnight in Paris, Radio Days and Zelig. My mother hated his films – I could never understand why, but each to her own.

Wearing Boston Proper

Bill Switzer and Daniel Clark femulate on television's Eerie Indiana: The Other Dimension in 1998 (view it here).

Don't you want to be part of the experience?

When I'm feeling down, feeling a little guilty about my trans-ness, or feeling a little depressed, I think about the following words from Woody Allen's film Hannah and Her Sisters.

One day, a month ago, I really hit bottom. I just felt that in a godless universe I didn't want to go on living.

I happen to own this rifle, which I loaded and pressed to my forehead.
I thought, "I'm gonna kill myself."

Then I thought, "What if I'm wrong? What if there is a God? Nobody really knows."

Then I thought, "No. Maybe is not good enough. I want certainty or nothing."

I remember clearly, the clock was ticking and I was sitting there frozen debating whether to shoot. All of a sudden, the gun went off. I was so tense I inadvertently squeezed the trigger. But I was perspiring so much the gun slid off my forehead and missed me.

Suddenly, neighbors were pounding on the door and the whole scene was just pandemonium. I ran to the door. I didn't know what to say. I was embarrassed and confused.

My mind was racing a mile a minute. I just knew one thing: I had to get out of that house. I had to get out in the fresh air and clear my head. And I remember, I walked the streets. I didn't know what was going through my mind. It all seemed so violent and unreal to me.

I wandered on the Upper West Side. It must have been hours. My feet hurt, my head was pounding. I went into a movie. Didn't know what was playing. I just needed a moment to gather my thoughts and be logical and put the world back into rational perspective.

I went up to the balcony and I sat down. The movie* was one I'd seen many times in my life since I was a kid, and I always loved it. I'm watching the screen and I started getting hooked on the film.

And I started to feel: "How can you think of killing yourself? Isn't it stupid? Look at all the people on-screen. They're funny, and what if the worst is true? There's no God, you only go around once, that's it. Don't you want to be part of the experience? It's not all a drag."

And I'm thinking, "I should stop ruining my life searching for answers and just enjoy it while it lasts."

And after, who knows? Maybe there is something.

I know "maybe" is a slim reed to hang your life on, but that's the best we have. And then I started to sit back and I actually began to enjoy myself.

* Duck Soup starring The Marx Brothers

Wearing Boston Proper.

Janek Traczyk femulates Lana Del Ray on Polish television's Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo (Your Face Sounds Familiar).