Hugging a Stranger

A lot of the time, being trans is not easy, but I am thankful that I am trans. It sure makes life interesting and some days are just wonderful beyond compare, for example, the day I described in the following post from March 2013.

Friday, I attended the True Colors Conference at the campus of my alma mater, the University of Connecticut.

I dressed en femme and thought I looked pretty good for someone who passed the 60-year mile marker two years ago (photo right). Usually, I am hypercritical of my presentation and always find something wrong, but Friday I thought I looked as good as I get. (And it always amazes me how much younger I look in girl mode than I do in boy mode!)

I switched to flats to drive to Storrs, parked my car in the parking garage near my old dormitory and kept my flats on to walk to the Student Union.

In past years attending the Conference, I parked in a different garage on the opposite side of the Student Union, so this was the first time since I graduated in 1973 that I walked the walk that I took everyday between my dorm and the classroom buildings. It was nostalgic, but my how things had changed!

Across the street from Memorial Stadium was a huge field, about 12 acres in size that provided a beautiful view of the rolling hills to the east. Most days after classes, my dorm mates and I would play softball or touch football in that field.

Today, that field is occupied by five buildings constructed after I graduated. The view and my old playing field are long gone. I wondered where my old dorm mates have gone and I wondered what they would think if they could see me now.

I entered the Student Union and encountered throngs of GLBT youth, who were enjoying their day. I stopped by the Information table to greet my old friend Robin who was staffing it. A woman, who I did not recognize was also staffing the table, but she recognized me and greeted me like we were old friends.

I played along and said it was great to see her, then I continued on my way to the support group’s table which I was scheduled to staff from 10 AM to 2 PM. I was 10 minutes late, but another friend, Kelly was holding down the fort until I arrived.

At the Information table, I encountered Fantasia Fair friend, Liz, who escorted me to the presenter’s table where I signed in and received my presentation packet. Then I returned to the support group’s table to relieve Kelly, who left to join her parents who were staffing the PFLAG table.

Youths and adults came by the table, but mostly youths who were attracted by our bait - a variety of candy. Since the name of the support group (Connecticut Outreach Society) reveals nothing about the organization, people asked and that gave me a chance to tell them about being trans rather than give them details about the group since it is only open to adults. At one point, I had eight youths surrounding the table listening to me talk about being trans and answering all of their questions on the subject.

The woman behind the curtain at True Colors, Robin McHaelen, stopped by and gave me a big hug (we go back a few years now) and said something to the effect that I looked great. I also received compliments from youths and other adults throughout the day.

Everyone I encountered seemed to accept me, either as a woman or as trans. I was never referred to as a male; it was always “she,” “her,” “Ma’am” or “Miss.”

A number of times, kids and adults came up to the booth and when I began my Transgender 101 spiel, I could see their expression change as they tried to figure me out. It was very interesting.

Karen, another Fantasia Fair friend arrived to staff the table and give me a break. So I took the time to visit the ladies’ room. On the way to that room, I passed the Information table and the mystery woman beckoned me to sit down and chat.

It turns out that the mystery woman was Jila, who had given me the works at her spa three years ago. I did not recognize her because I had only seen her that one day in March 2010, but she recognized me, probably because my image was on her spa’s website and because she reads this blog.

We caught up on our good times and bad and then I asked her about my voice. I had been using my femme voice from the get-go, but caught myself returning to my boy voice when I stopped concentrating on using my femme voice. 

Jila critiqued my femme voice. Her main complaint was that my voice tended to drop into boy mode as I concluded whatever I was saying. She worked with me on it and suggested that I let myself go especially with regards to gesturing with my hands as I talked.

I practiced with Jila’s guidance and in no time, things were clicking and I suddenly felt a wave of femininity flow over me like I never felt before. Wow!

I concentrated on my voice the rest of the day. At times, I fell back into boy mode, but I think I made a lot of progress. Thank you, Jila!

I ran into other friends during the day including Krista, Lee Ann and my life coach, Holly. I chatted with Holly until it was time to get ready for my presentation: “Femulate: The Art of Becoming Womanly.”

My presentation was in a conference room in the Women’s Center, rather than in a classroom. The room had a lot of comfy chairs as well as folding chairs, so it was a little cozier than classroom. And instead of standing in back of a podium, I was just standing or sitting out in the open, which probably made everything a little more intimate.

A small, but enthusiastic group of about ten showed up and I began. I worked through an updated version of my “top 30 things every crossdressing man needs in his wardrobe to emulate a woman” in about half the session. At the beginning, I told the group to interrupt me at anytime to ask questions and they took me up on my offer.

After my top 30 things, I took more questions related to the top 30 or anything else anyone wanted to ask. I gave long rambling answers that entertained (I got a few laughs) and informed (at least that is what the oral and written comments indicated).

Some of the questions I recall were:

Do you ever dress in men’s clothing?

How out are you to your family?

Where can you buy shoes in larger sizes?

Tell us about any negative reactions you have had when out in public?

We ran out of time and I received a round of applause and some thank-you’s.

After the presentation, a woman came up to speak with me. She is involved with two youth groups in Western Massachusetts and wondered if I would be interested in talking to her groups because I would be a “wonderful role model.” I indicated that I would be happy to do it and will wait for her to contact me to work something out.

I returned to the support group table to meet up with my friend Diana and we decided to stop at Rein’s Deli for dinner. Although her car was in the north garage and mine in the south garage, we managed to show up at the deli 15 miles away at exactly the same time!

It was 5 PM and the deli was busy, but nobody seemed to pay much attention to us except when I waited at the register to pay the bill. Diana noticed a very senior lady who seemed to be awestruck by me. I guess she never saw an Amazon before.

After the long day, I was surprisingly not tired. I was energized by the day.

Mid-afternoon, I was walking through the Student Union and passed by a group of a half-dozen teens, who were dressed rather plainly unlike a lot of the other youths at the conference who wore every color of the rainbow (often all at the same time)!

The biggest male in the group politely stopped me. (I assumed he was male, but I could be in error because there was a lot of gender-blurring at the conference.) Anyway, I asked the boy what he wanted and he replied that he wanted a hug.

I gave him a big hug.

Now I hugged friends and acquaintances throughout the day, but this hug with a stranger was the most important hug of the day.

Wearing Madeleine

Femulating bride Sierra and her femulating maid of honor Alana

A Crossdresser’s Best Friend

“Confidence: A Crossdresser’s Best Friend” is the title of the workshop I will present at two local conferences this spring, the True Colors Conference and the Transgender Lives Conference.

When I started going out among the civilians, I was confident that I would be read by everyone because of my size (6 foot 5 in heels and 200 pounds plus). In fact, I was so confident that I would not pass that it preventing me from even trying. I lost count how many times I drove to the mall en femme, then drove home without ever getting out of the car.

But I was determined and after making another drive to the mall en femme and sitting in my car for 20 minutes, I finally got up the courage to get out of the car and enter the mall.

Talk about anti-climatic! Instead of all hell breaking loose, I hardly garnered any attention at all. A few women smiled at me, a few even said “hello” and one or two smirked, but most of the time I was as invisible as a cisgender middle-aged woman.

My confidence performed an about-face that day and each time I went out thereafter, my confidence just increased to the point that today, I don’t think about it.

Wearing Rebecca Taylor

Patrick Walshe McBride femulating for a 2018 episode of
UK television’s Shakespeare & Hathaway: Private Investigators

A Full Femme Friday - Część Druga

After my workshop at the True Colors Conference, one student came up to me to ask some questions that she did not want to ask in front of the other attendees. I happily answered all her questions and she went away a happy camper. (Check out tomorrow's post for the questions and answers.)

I returned to the Student Union to turn in my paperwork and meet up with Diana and Maryann to head out to the Adams Mills Restaurant for an early dinner. I gave Maryann the address of the restaurant so she could program it into her smart phone's GPS, then we went our separate ways to retrieve our vehicles and drive to the restaurant.

Thirty-five minutes later, I arrived at the restaurant. Diana's car was already there, but Maryann's car was not. I went inside, found Diana seated in the upper dining room, ordered a drink and we bided our time until Maryann showed up.

Forty-five minutes later, we gave up on Maryann and ordered our meals. Our male waiter referred to us as ladies and he could have not been nicer. I ordered baked stuffed shrimp with rice pilaf and grilled vegetables. The meal was delicious.

We left the restaurant around 5:30 PM and I headed in the general direction of home. Google Maps indicated that the route I normally take was a mess on the west side of Hartford, which is typical for a weekday evening. The alternate southern route was not so messy, so that's the route I took.

There were a couple of areas where the traffic slowed down, but in general, it was not bad and since I was in no hurry to go home and had gotten my second wind after eating, I decided to visit my favorite Roz & Ali (nee Dress Barn), which was located only a few exits further than I normally would exit to go home.

Entering the store, I did not see any of the sales reps I knew by name and vice versa. This did not surprise me because they usually work days, but I was hoping one of them would be working later so I could see and greet them, but it was not to be.

I had received a $10 Roz & Ali coupon in the mail for my birthday that I had to use by the end of the month and I had recently taken notice of a polka dot jumpsuit on their website, so it was a perfect shopping storm.

I found the rack containing the jumpsuits (see the photo above) and took a size 12 and size 14 to the dressing room. The size 12 fit perfectly, so I returned the 14 to the rack and took the 12 to the cash registers.

The sales rep asked for my phone number, typed it into the terminal, which I assume turned up separate accounts for my wife and myself.

"And you are... ?" she asked.

"Stanley," I replied.

As expected, she did not react negatively and rang up my purchase. And that's all I have to say about that.

During the 30-minute trip home, I reflected on my full femme Friday and felt that it had been very fulfilling and I look forward to more days like it.

Wearing ModCloth (Source: ModCloth)

Polish girl wearing polka dots

A Full Femme Friday

Friday was a full day out en femme. My primary objective for the day was to go to my alma mater, the University of Connecticut, to attend the True Colors Conference and conduct a workshop titled "Cross-Living: Out Among the Civilians." There were also other planned stops during the day.

Getting going was a problem. My 15-year-old blind dog started barking while I was doing my makeup, so I had to stop what I was doing, put her on a leash and take her outside in case she had to do business with the great outdoors. This occurred four times and as a result, I left the house about 30 minutes later than I intended. Once on the road, I encountered a five-mile backup on the Interstate due to a truck fire, so I lost another 30 minutes.

By the way, I wore a houndstooth sheath dress from Dress Barn, black opaque tights from Hue, black bag and black patent high heel pumps from Payless, a black scarf and white and gold watch from Avon and silver hoop earrings from Napier. I also wore a white fake fur jacket from Fashion Bug.

My first stop was the Christmas Tree Shop to exchange a purchase that was broken out of the box. It was actually my sister's purchase and she planned to make the 80-mile roundtrip to exchange her broken purchase. Since the store was on my way to UConn, I offered to make the exchange for her and so I did.

It was uneventful. I had to deal with a woman staffing the customer service desk and a man who fetched the replacement from the stockroom. No one reacted negatively to me and other customers paid me no mind. The only concern I had was loading and unloading a 20-pound box between my car and a shopping carriage without breaking a nail!

I arrived at UConn, parked my car and walked two blocks to the Student Union, which was the epicenter of the conference. The weather was similar to the past few True Colors Conferences — temperature hovering around the freezing point with a steady brisk wind that made it feel a lot colder and caused me worry that my wig might take flight!

After checking in to obtain my workshop paperwork and ID badge, I immediately began encountering old friends and acquaintances (Arlene, Diana, Holly, Lee Ann, Maryann, Robin and another Robin).

I also ran into Bob, who is someone I see at most ham radio conventions I attend. Even though he is openly gay, I did not expect to see him at True Colors Conference and he was just as surprised to see me. He was staffing the booth for a church that supports LGBTQ folks. We talked about his church and my involvement with the conference. As we parted ways, I said, "See you at Hamvention in two months!"

My workshop was at 1:15 PM in another building. Since it was lunch time, my assigned room would be empty, so I decided to go there to get my act together in peace and quiet. I had requested a room with a computer and large display to view photos of me out among the civilians. Turned out that the room had a huge display — approximately 6 x 8 feet, but I forgot my USB flash drive of photos. However, I was able to use the computer to access the Internet and use my blog and flickr account for the visual portion of my workshop.

I had a small, but attentive audience. No one walked out on me and there were pertinent questions and comments.

I emphasized that whether you think you pass or not, just get out there and experience the real world as a woman because in this day and age (especially in our neck of the woods), most civilians won't notice you and even if they do, they probably won't care.

Then I went on to tell them about my positive experiences out among the civilians, especially those times that I seemed to be accepted as a woman by other women. That triggered a comment from one of the students, who said that initially she thought I was a cisgender female! Her comment made my day, but it kind of blew the premise of my workshop out of the water.

And so it goes.

Wearing Madeleine (Source: Madeleine)

Helmut Zierl (center) femulating in the 1997 German television series Ein Mann steht seine Frau (A Man Stands His Wife).

True Colors Conference

Today, I am at the University of Connecticut campus in Storrs to attend the True Colors Conference, "the largest and most comprehensive conference in the country focused on LGBTQ youth issues."

At the conference, I will conduct a workshop titled "Cross-Living: Out Among the Civilians," which is intended to teach and encourage male-to-female crossdressers to escape from fantasy-land and experience the real world as females.

The Conference is usually a reunion for me where I run into LGBTQ people I don't usually encounter out among the civilians. So in addition to taking in all that the Conference has to offer, I also look forward to getting reacquainted with folks I may only see once a year.

In the next post or two, I will recount my Friday at the Conference and elsewhere, so stay tuned.

A scholastic womanless beauty pageant photo that Starla recently discovered on Facebook.

Coming in April: Transgender Lives

The 11th Annual Transgender Lives Conference: The Intersection of Health and Law will be held on Saturday, April 29 from 8:00 AM until 5:00 PM at the UConn Health Center in Farmington, Connecticut.

This year's keynote speaker is Nicole Maines.

I will attend and present a workshop titled "Makeup Basics for Trans Females." In addition to mine, there will be more than 40 other workshops; here is a description of them all. There will also be a trans families track (four consecutive workshops) by PFLAG and a drop-in clinic by GLAD to help anyone change his or her birth certificate.

This conference is a full day concentrating on transgender lives, that is, concentrating on You. Admission is only $25 and includes a free lunch if you register before April 24 (who says, "There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.")

The UConn Health Center is located half way between Boston and New York City (about 110 miles either way) just off I-84 Exit 39, so it is an easy drive for folks living in the Northeast.

I hope to see you there. I'll be the 6-foot-2 blonde in 4-inch heels – you can't miss me!

Wearing Venus.

Dylan Stephens, male womenswear model

Youth

Leggy gurls from Texas, Virginia and Louisiana

When I attended my first True Color Conference in 2007, I do not recall any cisgender male students presenting as female. Maybe there were a few who passed so well that I did not detect their birth sex, but in general, the male students dressed like male students and the female students dressed like female students.

Fast forward 10 years and the situation is very, very different.

Thirty-two students attended my workshop on Friday and the majority presented as female or androgynous, while a minority presented as male. Most of the students presenting as female passed perfectly – if they were not attending my workshop (Makeup Basics for Trans Females), I would have never guessed that they were trans.

And I am still floored that one of the girls attending my workshop is a saleswoman at Sephora!

Wow – how the times have changed!

Meanwhile, cisgender boys are still turning up as girls in American schools for Halloween parties, gender bender days, womanless beauty pageants, etc., as evidenced by the latest batch of photos gleaned from online yearbooks by our intrepid yearbook gleaner, Starla.

You may view Starla's new photos on flickr by opening one of my flickr Yearbooks sets (A through Z). There you will find the newest uploads at the end/bottom of the set. (The oldest uploads appear at the beginning/top of the set.)

The contents of the Yearbook A through Z sets are organized according to school name, for example, the photos from Sacred Heart High School would be in the Yearbooks S set.

By the way, if you participated in your school's womanless beauty pageant or attended some other school activity en femme, I would love to post your photos along with any description you would like to provide. (No one has taken me up on this offer, so far, but I am still hopeful and very patient!)

Wearing Lulus.

Enrie Scielzo, male womenswear model

Tuesday Tips

In the past, I recommended baby wipes for removing makeup. After all, if it's safe enough to use on a baby's bottom, then it should be safe to use on your face.

Friday evening, when I was ready to take off my makeup, I discovered I was out of baby wipes. I remembered that in the recent past, I had acquired a package of Avon makeup wipes that had been bundled with some other cosmetic products I had purchased.

I found the package and used three wipes to remove all my makeup including my eye makeup and the foundation and powder on my neck. The wipes did a better job than baby wipes. With baby wipes, I always had to use Avon eye makeup remover on my eyes, but the makeup wipes handled my eye makeup without any added help.

That sold me on makeup wipes.

By the way, after removing makeup, I always moisturize and you should, too.

👱 👱 👱

When I did my "Makeup Basics for Trans Females" presentation on Friday, there was one tip that surprised a lot of the girls in attendance, so I thought I would pass it on to the girls who read Femulate, too. It is no big revelation. It is something I learned long ago – probably during my first makeover. I assumed it was common knowledge, but my assumption was in error, so here it is.

When you apply foundation, make sure you also apply it to anything contiguous with your face that will show. That includes your ears, neck, and whatever portion of your breasts and shoulders that will be visible. Otherwise, there will be an odd-looking mismatch between your face and yours ears, neck, etc.

👱 👱 👱

During my presentation, the girls were curious about what brands of cosmetics I use. Since I am an Avon representative, I use a lot of Avon products, but I do stray away from Avon for some of the makeup I use.

Here is a list of what I use currently (in the order I use them).

Moisturiser – Olay
Eye Shadow Primer – Urban Decay
Foundation – Make Up For Ever
Contour – Marc Jacobs
Blush – Avon
Translucent Powder – Laura Mercier
Eyebrow Pencil – Avon
Eyeshadow – Avon
Eyeliner – Avon ( I use black eyeshadow with an eyeliner brush)
Mascara – Lancome
Undereye Concealer – Avon
Lipliner – Avon
Lipstick – Avon

👱 👱 👱

Any questions?

Wearing By Bazaar.

Femulators at the 2017 Night of Stars in Austria.

"Girls'" Day Out

Friday, I attended the True Colors Conference and presented “Makeup Basics for Trans Females.”

The site of the conference is the UConn campus in Storrs, Connecticut — one of my life’s happy places — and it is always wonderful to return to my alma mater.

My presentation was at 1:15, so I did not have to get up early and rush to Storrs. Instead, I even had time for breakfast, dressed and left home at 9:30 arriving on campus an hour later.

I wore a dress rather than pants as I originally intended and I don't think it made much of a difference during the five-minute walk between the parking garage and the Student Union. What I really needed was a hat. The wind was so blustery that I thought my wig was going to go airborne, but I made it indoors in one piece.

(Fashion Note: I wore my black laser cut dress from Avon, nude pumps from Payless, fake white fur jacket from Fashion Bug, nude thigh high hosiery from Berskshire, big beige bag from Avon, jewelry from Napier and Avon and a variety of unmentionables.)

Indoors, I checked in and received my presenter’s package. The first round of presentations were underway, so there were not many students moving through the building. I took advantage of the low level of activity to camp out in one of the Student Union lounges to go over the presenter’s package and review my presentation. I found a window seat with a nice view of the quadrangle between the Student Union and the Benton Art Museum.

It is one of the few open spaces remaining from my days as a student on campus in the early 1970's. Most of the other open spaces have been taken over by classrooms, dorms and sports facilities (when I was going to UConn, we launched model rockets and played touch football in the space now occupied by the garage where I parked my car). That’s progress!

After doing some paperwork and going over my presentation, I thought I was in an excellent spot for a photo, but I did not see anyone I knew to designate as the photographer. A woman seating nearby was reading texts or e-mails with her iPhone, so I figured she would be a good candidate to take some photos with my iPhone. So I asked and she was very happy to shoot me.

Just as she began, one of my long time trans girlfriends, Angie, came into the lounge, called me “Beautiful” like she always does and that put a big smile on my face that is evident in the photos I posted from the conference. (It is amazing the difference between a posed smile and a natural smile.)

As the time for my presentation approached, I found my assigned room and settled in. Thirty-two people showed up. They were all school-aged (middle school through college) and I thought that some of them were already gorgeous and did not need any help from me; they could probably teach me something. It turned out that one of the “gorgeous” girls works part-time at Sephora. I asked her a question about lip gloss that she was happy to answer, so "they" did teach me something!

The presentation went well. There were questions, answers and a lot of give and take, but I don’t know. I wonder how valuable it is to teach teens and twenty-somethings makeup basics and tricks that a 66-year-old transwoman uses? Some of what I do is applicable, but I will have to make some adjustments to my presentation for any future young audiences.

After my presentation, I attended my friend Diana’s presentation on post World War II trans history. One goal of her talk was to counter the popular notion that there was no trans advocacy until recently. Her presentation showed that there was a lot of trans advocacy throughout the post-war era including Stonewall, where trans peeps have been written out of some histories of that uprising.

Diana and I planned to dine after her presentation, so we left UConn and rendezvoused a half hour later at a restaurant in Manchester, where we have dined after the previous two True Color Conferences. The big difference this year was that the conference was on St. Patrick’s Day, so the restaurant was busier than after past conferences.

Our waitress was the same as in previous years and she was as affable as before, but this time, instead of referring to us as “ladies,” she called us “girls.” That was different in a good way and made me smile.

After dinner, we went our separate ways and I arrived home at 7 PM, a little tired, but very happy after a productive day out.

Wearing Tumi luggage.

David Walliams (right) femulating in an advertisement for television's Britain's Got Talent.

SaveSave

A Thousand Words

A picture is worth a thousand words, so here is a photo from my Friday visit to UConn to attend the True Colors Conference. I will compose 967 more words about yesterday later.

At the True Colors Conference, UConn, Storrs, CT, March 17, 2017

Please standby

I am presenting at the True Colors Conference today. If I have time and energy, I will tell you about it later today, but more likely, I will tell you about it tomorrow.

Source: Harper's Bazaar

Romain Duris femulating in the French film The New Girlfriend.