Polaroids and Kodachromes

1990, The Big Hair Era

A few days ago, I happened upon my collection of film photographs (as opposed to digital photographs).

I noticed that the 40 or so Polaroid SX-70 photographs in the collection were starting to deteriorate, that is, the white frames surrounding the images were coming apart. So I decided to scan all the Polaroids before they deteriorated further.

Then I noticed that the color was fading in some of the Kodachromes in the collection, so I decided to scan all the Kodachromes, too.

I finished the job on Saturday scanning almost 300 photographs in all.

I have not looked at most of these photos in ages and in my opinion, they confirm the old saying “youth is wasted on the young.”

I was in my late 30s through my late 40s in those photos and "Damn!" I look good in those old photos. I can see how my femulating skills improved over the years, but even early on, I could have safely gone out as a woman amongst the civilians, but did not because I thought my height would give me away. What a waste!

I was 39-years-old in the accompanying photo taken at the first support group meeting I ever attended (Connecticut Outreach Society). It was also the first time I had ever left home as a woman that was not Halloween-related.

I recall feeling awkward and very nervous and as a result, sweated profusely at the meeting. I thought that I did not belong with these men in dresses and I swore I would never come back. But I did come back… again and again and again.

Wearing Catherine Malendrino.

Alan Cummings

Not-So-Vintage SX-70 Selfies

I bought a Polaroid SX-70 camera in 1974. The film was expensive: $7 for each film pack of ten pictures, which calculates to $35 in 2014 dollars! But I was young and single and could afford a film pack once in awhile.

I built my own remote control so I could take "SX-70 selfies" to document my dressing skills. Most of the SX-70 selfies were lost in the great purge of 1983 and I only have a handful of selfies that I took post-purge.

The camera bit the dust in 1985 and so ended my SX-70 photography.

A Christmas gift, a collection of postcards depicting vintage SX-70  photos, sparked my interest in the art of vintage SX-70 photography and I began perusing the Internet for samples. As a result, I discovered that a lot of people were way ahead of me and I found lots of vintage SX-70 photos online.

I wondered if anyone had tried using Photoshop to make current photos look like vintage SX-70 photos. Again, I discovered that a lot of people were ahead of me.

After checking out a number of online Photoshop tutorials, I chose one that  looked promising (Photoshop tutorial: Create the Polaroid effect for images by Ryan Boudreaux) and tried it with a recent photo of me taken in a hotel room. (How kitschy can I get?)

I was happy with the results and decided to share the final product with you (above).

 

 

 

Femulators being arrested for “masquerading and indecent exposure”
while attending a 1962 Halloween ball in New York City.

 

 

 

Wearing Nicholas (gown), Marc by Marc Jacobs (earrings) and Schutz (pumps).

Elaine Writes About Her Photo

 

Elaine Armen

This photaroid was taken 22-23 years ago. It brings back a lot of memories, good and bad from the closeted years.  

The Good: The high-necked white Edwardian top (think Prince and Purple Rain) that looked good and covered a lot of sins, a leather mini with tasteful hem length that seemingly shrank whenever I sat down, black knee-length boots with 3½ inch heels (that didn't make it into the frame), the black (big hair) wig that I liked without the tease and spray, and a few glorious (albeit secreted) minutes getting to explore my femme self.

The Bad: Layers of hosiery (pre-shaving) that were hot, hot, hot in the summer, my self-taught rudimentary makeup skills (predating the abundant Internet tutorials), deep red lipstick (not my color), the pose (that's a pose?), the off-center and incomplete framing (a makeshift, time-limited setup), and the constant fear of being discovered fully or partially dressed (what is this crazy desire?)

And yet, I often reflect fondly on this simpler time and the simple temporary pleasure of being myself. Dealing with transgender flame wars and self-serving hierarchies and slippery slope expectations and marital (and social) tensions from being partially out and LGBTQAI conflicting positions and political appropriateness and "are you gay (no), do you want a sex change (no), what is gender?" questions, among other transgender and non-transgender community dealings, only came later for me.

Yes, I think, on the whole, we are better off and more accepted today than ever before because of those things. It's just more complicated.

 

Wearing Alice + Olivia.

Another Happy Birthday

Linda asked about my shout-out to Del Crandall.

I explained that my catcher's mitt was a Del Crandall model. It was a birthday gift from my parents, whereas my fielder's mitt was a Harvey Kuenn model that I obtained by saving S&H Green Stamps.

All my shout-outs are related to something or someone that was influential to me during my 62 years on the planet Earth. Some of the influences were minor, some major, some trans-related, some not.

For example, Mary Wilson was someone I wanted to femulate as were Lee Radziwill, Anne Jeffreys, and Tippi Hedren.

I always found Sandie Shaw's (There's) Always Something There to Remind Me haunting and I almost used it for one of my lipsynching performances.

As an amateur astronomer, Nicolaus Copernicus, was an important figure, not to mention that I toured his home when I visited Toruń.

Eddie Izzard is one of my heroes because he is completely out about being "a straight transvestite or a male lesbian."

Groundhog Day is one of my favorite films, as is The French Connection, thus my shout-out to Popeye Doyle as portrayed by Gene Hackman, who also happened to femulate in the film The Birdcage.

The list goes on and on. I think you get the idea, but I will be happy to explain any obscure shout-out that you don't get.

 

The Birthday Girl, 20 years ago.

 

Wearing Alexander Wang.

Happy Birthday, Mary Wilson

 

Mindy, Femulate reader.

 

Wearing Sea.

Send Me Your Polaroids

As I mentioned here yesterday, I think it would be fun (as Mindy suggested) to share old Polaroids of our early femulating days. If you would like to share your old instant photos, please send them to me and I will post them here in the very near future.

Please limit your shares to clothed presentations. I sure don't want to see your private parts, so keep those photos to yourself.

Also, I am always happy to consider your femulation adventures for future blog posts. It is nice to read other girls' real world experiences like Carolyn's Ascot adventure. Write up your story and send it along with a photo or two and see your name at the top of this page real soon now!

The Great Purge of 1983

I started femulating regularly around the age of 12. Whenever I was home alone, I would experiment with my mother's and sister's wardrobes and cosmetics.

Soon, I began building my own female wardrobe. Initially, I collected discarded clothing or sewed my own (simple A-line miniskirts) using remnants that my mother had in her sewing nook.

The first item of female clothing that I purchased were three pairs of nylon stockings. I went to the hosiery store downtown and told the saleswoman that I was buying stockings as a gift for my tall girlfriend. The saleswoman did not bat an eye and I scored my first purchase of female finery with ease.

After that successful shopping trip, I used my tall girlfriend excuse to expand my wardrobe. And whenever Halloween was on the horizon, I could use that holiday as an excuse to try on and buy wigs, dresses, shoes, and foundation garments.

In addition to building a wardrobe, I clipped femulation-related items from newspapers and magazines. I also had a couple of books including the eye-opening A Year Among the Girls by Darryl Radnor and a couple of issues of Drag magazine. And there was also my collection of Polaroids, which documented my progress on the Good Ship Lollipop.

I stored everything in boxes hidden behind boxes containing my American Flyer train set, all stored behind the false back panel of a built-in bookcase in my bedroom.

Due to that limited storage space, I occasionally whittled down my collection - out with the old to make room for the new - but I never purged everything while I was actively femulating. I loved being a girl, so there was no desire to purge.

Fast-forward to 1983.

I had been dating my future wife for over two years and during that time, I stopped femulating. I had no desire to femulate and I bought into the old wives'/husbands' tale that when a femulator got married, he stopped femulating.

Realize that there was little information available to vent that tale. There was no Internet as we know it today and the serious literature on the topic was minimal and hard to find in my neck of the woods.

So about two weeks before our wedding, I purged everything.

One month after our wedding, we were invited to a Halloween party. I femulated for the event (see photo) and bought a new dress, wig, pantyhose, bra, girdle, high heels, etc. for the occasion. I was back on the Good Ship Lollipop and never stopped femulating again.

In retrospect, I so regret the purge. I could replace the wardrobe (which I did), but I could never replace my Polaroids.

Speaking of Polaroids...

My Friday post about Polaroids moved sister Mindy to dig out some of her old Polaroids and send them to me.

Mindy recalls that Polaroids were the only way we could keep our remembrances. She suggested that other readers might have old Polaroids that they would like to share for viewing here.

Great idea! So if you would like to share, please send me your instant photographs and I will post them here in the very near future.

Say "Cheese"

As headlined here, yesterday was the 66th anniversary of Edwin Land demonstrating the first instant camera - the Polaroid Land Camera - an invention that was significant in the lives of many femulators in the second half of the 20th Century.

A joke: How many femulators does it take to change a light bulb?

Punch line: Three. One to climb the ladder to change the light bulb, one to hold the ladder, and one to take photos of the event.

Before Polaroid, in order to see the photos of the changing of the light bulb, you had to take the film somewhere to be developed, such as a camera store, drug store, etc. These establishments were just middle-men and sent the film out to a photo lab to be developed, but you had to wonder, did Mr. Gower take a peek at the photos when they arrived back from the lab? Did he see you and your "girlfriends" changing that light bulb in all your feminine glory?

You never knew and that lack of knowledge dissuaded many girls from taking photos of their femulations unless they had their own darkroom. (I know of one instance where a femulator built and equipped a darkroom just so she could avoid having her "pretty photos" developed by strangers.)

The Polaroid camera changed all that.

For example, the only photos of my earliest days of femulating were from my first Halloween outing en femme. I did not dare take any photos of my deep-in-the-closet femulations until I obtained a Polaroid SX-70 camera. The camera did not have a self-timer, so I rigged up a mechanical remote control in order to take "pretty pictures" of myself.

And despite their expense, I took a lot of pretty Polaroids. But sadly, many were lost in "The Great Purge of 1983."

And so it goes.