One Person's Journey to Womanhood – Part 22

By Monica M

In October 2013, my wife and I went to Boston. I went on the one-day course that Ginger held just outside Boston. There were only three of us taking the course. Ginger knew that I was transgender and it was not a problem; I was far from the first transgender client that she had.

We had her full and undivided attention for the whole day. I tried on lots of outfits and was given feedback by Ginger and the others. It was such a valuable and wonderful experience. The course was held in a really nice country inn in Tyngsboro.

I had had spent a day with Ginger earlier in the week getting my colors and Fashion Fit Formula done. She also took me on a shopping outing and organized a bra fitting, a facial, and a tutorial on wig care. Ginger is an amazing resource to have in your life.

My BFF and evolutionary sister extraordinaire, BethAnn also lives in Boston, so we got to spend time with her and her husband. She and I even organized to have a MAC makeover at the same time, followed by lunch. How girly is that!

BethAnn and I in Boston before we rented a car and head off to see Ginger.

In April 2014, I set off for Denver (having done the obligatory confidence build-up in San Francisco) to do Teacher Training 2 for the second time.

I notice now that after all the work I have done on myself and the techniques that I have practiced, nothing scares me any more... not being read, not going into the ladies' room in public places. I am even happy to get in the line at the ladies' room now. This is something I would not even have dreamed about 18 months ago.

Teacher Training 2 was very good. It had about ten women taking the course and as usual with AFP ladies, they treated me wonderfully. Unfortunately, BethAnn could not make the course, but my dear, dear friend Amrita was there. She brings so much joy to my heart. She is such a wonderful person. Truly, she has the heart of a Buddha! We hung around together a lot and really enjoyed each other’s company.

This is a picture of her having a margarita (well it was my margarita!) on the night that the course finished. We had gone to a local Mexican restaurant. Amrita had also joined me at dinner with Kathe Perez earlier in the week and the two got on very well. It was so sweet completing the circles in some way! Amrita is very keen for me to go to Japan to meet her AFP group and to work with Japanese transgenders.

At this Teacher Training, I learned to practice a new technique: opening the heart. The idea is to open your heart and let your innate femininity shine out. This technique should really help me pass more effectively as people will respond (if only unconsciously) to my feminine essence and not be distracted by the male signals, large hands, etc. It will be an interesting experiment, if nothing else!

So this is the end of my tale. I am accepted by my AFP friends as being one of them. I have wonderful girlfriends, who I know I can rely on for support. I have a weekly heart circle call with about five or six close female friends, who treat me like any other woman. By my definition, I have succeeded in my journey. I really love being a woman, for me it is a whole other and joyful world.

Having been the first TG into AFP and FP, I look forward to knowing who the first transgender is to take Mama Gina's Course and how it went.

I have tried to show here one of the many ways of becoming the woman you desire, there are plenty of ways of achieving the dream. Suicide should not even be considered an option. There are lots of people out there who are happy to befriend you and relate to you as a woman and that brings a lot of joy to life.

My final message: say “no” to suicide. There is a path that is waiting for you; it is probably just around the corner. Wait for it!

In closing, I would like to thank the many who have helped me on my journey.

My wife for supporting and loving me and always believing in me and negotiating a settlement where she can keep her man and I can stop being a man!

Stana for giving me the space to pontificate here.

Rachael Jane for helping me change my operating system.

Ginger for kindling a new perspective on clothes.

BethAnn, Amrita and Mei for being so kind to me and supporting me in my attempts to really be myself.

Kathe for my voice!

Don for showing me the woman inside me.

Alex, Laurie, Sally, Ella, Cynthia, Virginia, Elena, Su, Marlese, Anna, Maria, Bella, Elisa, and all the other women, too numerous to mention from AFP an FP, who have gone out of their way to help me become the woman of my dreams.

And to finish, a photo from Don of how I now see myself.

Thank you all.

Over and out!

And finally, a word from our sponsor! :)

(Part 21 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appeared here.)

 

 

 

Wearing St. John Collection.

 

 

 

Andrej Pejić

One Person's Journey to Womanhood – Part 21

By Monica M

In April 2013, I went to Austin to take part in Teacher Training 2. I was already a Level 1 teacher from my training in Portland the previous year. Here I again met a wonderful bunch of women such as Alex, BethAnn, Amrita, Mei and the other sisters. These people could not have been nicer to me and really took me under their wing. We had so much fun there.

A number of incidents stick out in my mind. In the hotel, the ladies' room was quite close to the room we were using for our training. I had no problem using the ladies’ room and none of the ladies seemed to mind or complain about it.

As the ladies' room cubicle walls were about a foot above the floor, anybody coming in could see the shoes of those inside. My shoes were quite distinctive on this particular day. One of the ladies came in, she could see my shoes, but I could not see her or her shoes.

“Monica, Oh, Monica. Be sure to put down the seat when you finish!” she sang out. This, despite the fact that my shoes were pointing the correct way as I was sitting down! The whole ladies' room collapsed in squeals of laughter. Those girls were devils! What a fun bunch!

Mei, me, Keri and Amrita.

On the last day of the course, one of the ladies asked to talk to me privately. I had no idea what to expect! She told me that when she saw me in the room and realized that I was transgender, she got so angry that she was about to go to the organizers and have me removed. Her initial reaction was that this should be a sacred space for woman only!

However, she calmed herself down and meditated on the situation. She decided to just go with the flow as this is part of the training in AFP. She told me she was so glad I had been there as my presence had changed her whole attitude to transgender people. I did well without even knowing it! Needless to say, I had no idea that all this was happening inside her. Little did I think that I would become an ambassador for the cause.

This is a picture of me getting in touch with my inner something or other.
Did I mention that we had fun?

I had met Amrita and Mei at the teacher training in Portland and we became a close bunch. We ate together most lunch times and evenings at the local Whole Foods Market or at a local restaurant. I had also met Beth Ann in Portland, but we had not really connected as she had only been there for the intensive weekend. Mei and Amrita had been there for the full week. You could not hope for such a wonderful bunch of women and close friends. These girls mean so much to me; they are like sisters... only closer!

BethAnn contacted me soon after Portland and we quickly established a very positive rapport. She told me that when she heard my voice (ouch!) and realized that I was transgender, she too had a very negative reaction to sacred female space being invaded! Thankfully, she got over it and now is my closest BFFs.

Time for a serious chat with Cassie!
Amrita looking on to see what BS I putting out there! :)

The group photo: Rachael Jane on the extreme left and
BethAnn and Amrita in the front row on the right.

(Part 20 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appeared here.)

 

 

 

Wearing Emploi.

 

 

 

Stephanie Yates

One Person's Journey to Womanhood - Part 20

By Monica M

Another major influence on the development of my internal feminine software has been the various Feminine Power courses.

These are a set of online courses (there may be a physical meet-up, but I have not come across it yet) where you have a number of teaching calls, coaching calls and set assignments. Mostly it is the interaction with the other women on the site and the completion of the assignments that helps you grow and develop.

Again, when I signed up, I told them I was transgender and they had no problem with that. In fact, part way through the course, the course coordinator Keren Clark made a point of having a Skype call with me to make sure that I was ok, that I was not being left out and that people were treating me properly. I was mightily impressed. She told me that I was the first openly transgender person that they had come across on their courses. She could not have been sweeter.

Basically, the course is about getting in touch with your authentic self and determining what it is you want to dedicate your life to doing. It is about finding the false assumptions that rule your life, eliminating them and replacing them with more realistic assumptions.

Through this, I worked out my own Power Statement, that is, the place I need to operate from and the person I need to show up as. My Power Statement: I am a strong radiant, graceful, elegant, feminine woman who is fully grounded in her femininity. This is the person I am becoming and this is the person I expect to show up as.

I have an evolutionary sister, BA, who helps me if I stray from this path. After using this Power Statement for some time, I felt a bit uncomfortable and fragmented when presenting en homme and so I had (with the help Keren) to come up with a Power Statement for my male side that supported my authentic Power Statement. Here is my male Power Statement: my function as a male is to provide a protected and nurturing environment which allows my female side to grow and develop and gives her the ability to feed radiance to her in the service of the whole.

You quickly learn through an in-depth course such as this that all women (even transgender women) have the same problems. They are not happy with their bodies (neither are we, though in a different way!). They do not feel that they are enough (yep, got that one too!). They do not feel that they are being heard/seen (check!). They do not feel that they belong (double check that), etc. It is quite illuminating to see the parallels. One time I was complaining on the site that I often did not feel like a proper woman; one friend replied, ”Welcome to my world”.

AFP and FP really complement each other in my experience. Some of it is the same ground, but the perspective is a bit different. Both are extremely useful in helping one change one's software. The change in software has meant that the last four years (since Esprit 2010) have been the most joyful years of my life. I have been able to get in touch with my authentic self and that brings a great sense of coming home. I am complete!

(Part 19 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appeared here.)

 

 

 

Wearing Tahari Arthur S. Levine.

 

 

 

Actors John Stamos and Bob Saget femulating as
Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon in Some Like It Hot.

One Person's Journey to Womanhood – Part 19

By Monica M

In 2011, having decided that the traditional transgender conventions did not hold a lot for me, don't get me wrong, they are very interesting… just not really my thing. I felt I needed to get more out of my comfort zone. Also, I felt I needed something that would really hone my deportment and movement.

I searched around for something like a classic Swiss finishing school which would teach young ladies all manner of feminine skills and strategies. Instead I came across something called the Yin project which was designed to help women get back in touch with their feminine/Yin side!

This was a home study program with teaching calls and tutorial calls. Hmmm! Seemed ideal to me! I asked if I could join the course even though I was transgender and they readily accepted me. They never made me feel like an outsider or somebody who should not be there. Through a number of Skype calls, Rachael Jane (the energy behind the project) got to know me.

After about a year, the Yin Project morphed into the art of feminine presence. In November 2012, there was an intensive weekend and a teacher training in Portland, Oregon. With much trepidation I decided to go.

About three weeks before the course, I had a massive panic attack and decided I could not possibly take a course with about a dozen other women and cancelled. I was going to go to San Francisco first to spend some time en femme.

I find that going to cultural events in San Francisco is about the easiest thing you can do to build up your confidence en femme. Nobody bothers you and even if they notice you, they still do not bother you. People are too dignified and wrapped up in the experience of the occasion to bother. Nonetheless, it still took me a long time to get the confidence to use the ladies’ room even at a cultural event. Now, I don't even give it a second thought.

Anyway, I had decided to spend a few days getting a facial and doing some personal shopping with Rachel Fauman at Ensemble. I cancelled everything. The very thought of what I had planned to do nearly made me sick with fright.

Gradually, I talked myself around and fortunately for me, found my courage again about a week before my departure for San Francisco. It was all on again. I think it was at this personal shopping expedition with Rachel Fauman that she declared my personal clothes style to be “Synagogue Mom.” My wife got a good kick out of that when I told her.

While in San Francisco, I met somebody who has become a good friend of mine: Bella Cho. Bella own and operates a jewelry store on O'Farrell Street in San Francisco.

She has a shop close to the Hilton and her husband makes most of the jewelry. She is a very knowledgeable and wonderful woman. She enjoys bargaining, but is very fair. I wanted a wedding ring and an engagement ring. I had already bought some imitations from the Internet, but they discolored my finger and did not look authentic.

I have this idea that things that you wear all the time should be as authentic as possible. Then you can afford to be less fussy about casual things. So, my hair is real hair, my rings are real gold (though the stones are zirconium) and my boobs are proper prosthetics. Having said all that, I was a bit shocked at having to pay more for my own rings than I had paid for my wife's rings, but I comforted myself by noting that I did buy them for her nearly 30 years ago!

Above is a picture of me taken by Bella in her shop in April 2014. Notice the big hands! Yikes! If you go see Bella, be sure you tell her I sent you… she may even give you a bigger discount.

I left San Francisco en homme and headed to Portland by plane. I got to the hotel the night before the scheduled start of the course. The course was to start at 9:30 AM. I was up at 7:30 to prep and prime myself.

About 9:15, I nervously left my room and headed for the elevator. I stepped out of the elevator and found the registration desk right in front of me. Laurie Silver and Sally were on duty. I told them who I was and they welcomed me warmly and told me how pleased and happy they were that I was there. They gave me my badge and I opened the door and stepped into the room.

There were at least 30 to 40 people there. I was expecting 10 at the most. I very nearly turned and fled. It is one thing to face 8 to 10 women because that is almost close and intimate and not likely to lead to trouble. But to have to face what eventually turned out to be 50 was like facing a mob. None had been forewarned (and that is only right) about the presence of an alien, so some were as shocked as I was. But there was never any animosity or nastiness.

I am proud to say that I was the first transgender person to take the intensive weekend course and do teacher training level 1. I went on later to take teacher training level 2 and am still (as far as I am aware) the only transgender person in the organization.

I made some very good and lasting friends at that course in Portland. Can you spot me in this picture of some of my friends in Portland?

(Part 18 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appeared here.)

 

 

 

Wearing Sharagano.

 

 

 

Kyle Rehling dressed for the prom in 2011.

One Person's Journey to Womanhood – Part 18

By Monica M

The final software skill one needs (in my opinion) and which really feeds and enhances all others is the internal female operating software. With apologies to Tolkien, “One skill to rule them and in the darkness bind them.”

I guess you could liken it to the spiritual side. It is the spirit of being a woman. It is being in touch with your body and with your emotions. It is a very different operating system from the male one. Since we have mostly been brought up to ignore our feelings and not be in touch with our bodies, we (as socialized males) need serious coaching in this area... well, I did.

The Art of Feminine Presence (AFP) is an intensive weekend course held in various locations around the country during the year. Usually, the intensive weekend is held in association with a teacher training weekend. I started on the intensive weekend in Portland in 2012 and followed that with the Teacher Training Level 1. I went to Atlanta in 2013 and did Teacher Training 2. I am now the first openly TG person to be a certified Level 2 Teacher in AFP.

Basically, what you learn in AFP is how to listen to your body. How to be aware of it physically, energetically and emotionally. As it is designed to reacquaint women with the Yin side that they have ignored and left behind (through the stresses of the modern world, jobs, etc.), it is ideal for us. It provides us with the skills and experiences that we missed when we took the male socialization path. The intensive weekend gives enough of the basics for you to work on by yourself. The Teacher Training provides new practices, but also takes the earlier practices to a deeper level.

Rachael Jane (the power behind AFP) has written a book about her techniques and those who are interested can check it out here.

Rather than go through the various techniques, I will just document what this body of practice did for me. The benefits were indeed many. I cannot recommend this practice too highly.

The work looks at the Yin and Yang energies that we all have and seeks to tap into the correct energy for the given situation. This seems much more sensible to me than talking about feminine and masculine.

Through the practices, I have really got in touch with my Yin energy. I am now much more in touch with my feelings. I cry more, I laugh more and I feel more. I spend much less time in my head and more time in my body. I know what makes me happy and what makes me sad. I know what success as a woman means to me because I have learned it through my body rather than intellectualized about it.

I remember during my first intensive weekend 18 months ago, one of the ladies (whose name escapes me) said to me that she would be curious to see what effect this work would have on me if I practised it diligently for a year. Well, I think I now have the answer!

The confidence gained through the application of the techniques in this work has led to a kind of virtuous spiral. The better I am at projecting as a woman, the more confidence I have. It has touched every aspect of my presentation from my voice to my movement and walk.

Through the work, I am able to ground very quickly if I am in a situation where I am read. Before, my thoughts would go into my head and I would panic. Now I ground myself in my womb space and carry on. I am not responsible for the other person's reaction to me. I can now fully accept that I am transgender and that this state is not something to be embarrassed about.

I am far more confident in my femininity. On my last teacher training course in April, at least two of the women (unprompted) said to me that I was more in touch with my feminine side than any of the cisgender women in the room. Also, during the course, a number of people (including Rachael Jane and Don, the photographer) said that there was no doubt in their minds that my core essence was feminine.

This work has really helped me to find the joy in life and the joy in being the type of woman that I am. Joy flows from this work. It is also very good for getting you in touch with what you really want, rather than what you think you want.

But above and beyond that, it gave me a group of wonderful, supportive and loving women friends, who I will be in contact with for the rest of my life and who I know I can call on if I need help. They all know that I am transgender, but have no problems accepting me as one of their own. What more can a transgender woman ask for? 

To me, this is the essence of being a woman; the hardware is just the sugar dusting on the icing. None of my new women friends care about my hardware; in fact, none have ever even asked me about it! To them I am Monica! I love these women; I have found my real joy in being a woman.

I love being a woman! (Part 17 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appeared here.)

 

 

 

Wearing Tahari Arthur S. Levine.

 

 

 

Actor Kenneth-Connor femulating in the 1963 British film Carry On Cabby.

One Person's Journey to Womanhood – Part 17

By Monica M

2010 was the year of two conventions: Esprit in Port Angeles (the classic coming-out convention) and Southern Comfort in Atlanta (the biggest convention of all).

Esprit was really great for helping one to get out and about. The town is small and seems to love the transgender community. There are so many other and more experienced transgenders out on the street, it makes it so much easier to make those first steps. For example, the Chinese Restaurant where we had dinner one night must not have had too many transgender diners because the staff came by frequently to gawk at us. By then, we were able to take it in our stride.

Typically, there are about 30 or 40 people at Esprit and you quickly get to know them all as you will meet them again and again in the various classes that you take. There were classes on makeup, safety, dress, deportment, voice, wigs, movement, etc. and there are usually a number of guest speakers.

The atmosphere is very friendly and helpful and the committee goes out of its way to help the new people. Couples are very welcome and there are special joint couple sessions. There is a real happy, festival atmosphere as those of us who have repressed our feelings and love of things feminine let it go! I would recommend it to anybody and especially to anybody who has a partner.

We drove to Port Townsend one day for some practice away from the safe home turf. We wandered around the shops in the town and nobody paid us any attention or bothered us despite me being as nervous as a kitten. While walking around the town, I slowly started to calm myself down... so much so that by the time we were leaving, I felt ready to go into an ice cream parlor to get some ice cream for my wife and some coffee for myself.

As soon as I walked into the shop and closed the door behind me, I noticed a troupe of school girls! Oh! No! The literature says that meeting a group of schoolgirls is the worst thing because they have no mercy on us transgenders. I nervously tip-toed past their big table to a table safely out in the yard. Not only did they not harass me, they never even looked at me! Phew!

Here are some photos from my time in Port Angeles. I am normally quite a shy person, but as I was throwing caution to the wind, I decided to go all out and even participated in the fashion show. It was fun.

Southern Comfort is a different experience altogether and it does pay if you are going to join a group as it can be very lonely amongst such a large crowd. It is interesting to see so many trans people, but it is not very intimate and quite impersonal.

Having said that my den mother (whose name I have forgotten, sorry) really did a great job keeping us together and organized. However, I don't think I would bother going to a convention again. I liken it to a Japanese student who wants to learn English. If she only hangs around with other Japanese students while she is in the USA, she will not really learn a lot. It is better to go native and in my case, I figured a better use of my time was to spend it with cisgender women.

But how? The best was yet to come!

Here are pictures from Southern Comfort.

(Part 16 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appeared here.)

 

 

 

Wearing Tahari Arthur S. Levine.

 

 

 

Actor George Sanders femulating in the 1970 film The Kremlin Letter.

One Person's Journey to Womanhood – Part 16

By Monica M

Clothes are one of the hardest things to get right even for cisgender women. You need to consider what colors best suit you, what styles best fit your shape, what patterns and textures look good on you, what accessories you need and above all, how to best express your personality through your clothes.

These are a bewildering number of combinations and permutations. But, when your clothes reflect your authentic self, you will feel and act confident. You will look more feminine and you most certainly will pass easier.

On first look, you are tempted to throw your hands in the air and just choose at random because it just seems way too hard. But help is on hand. All you need is a strategy and person to provide that strategy for you is and that person is Ginger Burr. She is freaking amazing. I cannot speak too highly of her. She operates out of Boston, is openly gay and treats transgender clients just the way you want to be treated: like any other woman.

You can find Ginger here.

She has a home study course, day courses, monthly calls and lots more. She takes pains to suggest and find the best clothes and best jewelry for you. In truth, having Ginger in your life is like having a one-woman research department who really wants to see you looking your best.

The great thing for us transgender women is that when you become a client of hers, you get access to her forum, where you can post pictures of your outfits and get feedback and suggestions from Ginger and the other girls on the forum. It is an invaluable service and what transgender woman does not have lots of pictures of herself?

During her private consultations, Ginger will give you a palette of which colors best suit you. She will measure you for the Fashion Fit Formula, which determines the best length for skirts, sleeves, where you necklace should hang, etc., etc.

She will also work with you to find a series of words that best describe your personality, for example, quietly complex, not to be messed with, bohemian chic, reflected beauty. You then try and ensure that any outfit you wear (including accessories) match these words. When the outfit matches the words, you look and feel great. It really does work and it takes away all that stress about what is best to wear. I highly recommend it.

You can find more about the Fashion Fit Formula here.

One of the keys to looking good is good foundation wear and Ginger arranged for me to have a bra-fitting at Intimacy in Boston in October.

They did a fantastic job; I did not feel a bit embarrassed or weird. Now I have three bras which fit my breast forms and frame perfectly and I know I look good in them. I went in a 38C, came out a 40D and they fit snug and comfortably. I don't know why I am a D when my breast forms are C, but they are the best bras I have ever worn.

Ginger changed my clothes and thereby, changed my life by helping me really enjoy and love how I look.

I cannot leave the topic without mentioning padding. I look weird without padding; I am a real inverted triangle. With padding I look very authentic and that is how I want to look. I use the Veronica 5 from Classic Curves and it works really well for me.

This is my color palette from Ginger.

And this is an outfit that Ginger helped me select.

(Part 15 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appeared here.)

 

 

 

Wearing Bottega Veneta (dress), Dior (watch), Prada (boots) and Longchanp (suitcase).

 

 

 

Actor Kenneth More femulating for charity, circa 1960.

One Person's Journey to Womanhood – Part 15

By Monica M

This is a short follow-up story to my embarrassing lobby walk incident. Almost one year to the day, I ended up in San Francisco again. By now, I had been through Esprit and Southern Comfort in Atlanta. While I was nowhere as confident as I am now, I was pretty gutsy.

I had never forgotten the lobby bellboy incident and it sometimes came back to haunt my dreams. I decided the best way to beat the ghost was to track it down to its lair.

Off I went en femme to the same hotel. What would you know? The same bellboy was on duty that day. I walked up to him, handed my camera to him and asked him to take a photo in the lobby.

I don't know what he thought, but he did not say anything apart from “Sure, Ma’am. Just here?”

And, here it is one year later! I don't think I pass particularly well in this photo, but it seemed to work. After he had taken the photo, I went to the ladies' restroom (you can see its door over my left shoulder). It was the first time I had ever been to a ladies' room in public. I looked upon it as my revenge for the embarrassment. It put the ghost to rest!

(Part 14 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appeared here.)

 

 

 

Wearing ViX.

 

 

 

Model Rickard Engfors.