By J.J. Atwell
Remember the Chinese Philosopher Lao Tau who said, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step?” No, I don’t remember him either. But I’ve found that to be true in so many things in life. Think back to childhood when you first learned to walk. OK, so maybe we can’t remember that far back. How about learning to ride a bike? That was certainly a big step. Or maybe it was a big wheel.
Your CD First Step
I’ll bet your first step as a fledgling CDer was a big one. Not that I think any of us went full on that first time. Perhaps it was just stepping into a pair of high heels to see if you could walk in them. Or maybe trying on a bra to see how it feels. And if that was your first step, then certainly the next step was to find something to stuff into the cups. So that was not just one step, it became two steps. That wasn’t so hard, was it?
You are on your way! So it progresses to yet another step. Perhaps something to wear over the bra? Maybe you first started with just one of your own t-shirts. You might have looked in the mirror and got a thrill seeing the outline of the bra underneath. And maybe you walked around the house in those heels while doing it. Getting a thrill while being scared at the same time. More steps.
Does that Sound Familiar?
How far have you progressed on your journey? Maybe now you have your own pair of heels. Not only that but the soles of the heels have scuff marks from when you stepped outside? And you’ve acquired a lot of other girl things. Each of which was a step of its own.
I know I am not at the beginning of this journey, but I cannot yet see the end. I know it is a long journey and I continue my steps. I’m much further along than just the few early steps described above. I’ve progressed to going out in full female attire. That’s quite a few steps down the road. But I’m still not at the end of my journey.
I’ll Be Back
There will be more Stuff as my steps progress. As always, comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff so if there is something you would like to read about, please let me know!
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| Wearing Cynthia Rowley |
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| Sylvester |
JJ, thanks for a Monday morning question. My biggest challenge was make up. It wasn't until I had a CD stylist that showed me how to use concealer, chose a close enough foundation to use, and some tricks. That and stick on nails gave me incredible confidence to venture outside and be myself. It was my biggest step. Hugs Brenda. My biggest fear is being read but so far it's been oK with no harm to me when spotted by a civilian.
ReplyDeleteMy first steps into CD were my mother's pantyhose (and those I "borrowed" from other places), usually in the privacy of my room, but sometimes braving an adventure to mom's closet to try on a slip.
ReplyDeleteMy first steps into heels were 2" heels I purchased "for my Halloween costume" when living in my first solo apartment. They seemed so tall at the time! I practiced my way up the heights until 5" stilettos are comfortable for hours👠
Steps... Like wearing heels, that first step out the door might be the hardest. But each subsequent time you take that step out the door it gets much easier. At some point, you'll decide to get your ears pierced. After that, you'll visit a nail salon and get your nails done and maybe an esthetician will wax your brows!
ReplyDeleteJust before Halloween I had fake nails done for the first time. Nothing too long but bright red! Although Heather goes to work fully dressed as Heather every day, I occasionally have to exist in boy mode and I just march out of the house with my "done" nails and arched brows and go about my business. The best part is that I'm usually wearing women's jeans, shoes and a "filled" bra under my male shirt.
I've decided that life is too short to value the opinion of people who don't know me. If they don't like what I'm wearing or how I look, oh well.
Also, next Monday is Transgender Day Of Visibility!
Let's go out and be visible!
Heather.
"You might have looked in the mirror and got a thrill seeing the outline of the bra underneath. And maybe you walked around the house in those heels while doing it. Getting a thrill while being scared at the same time."
ReplyDeleteYeah, that sure sounds like autogynephilia.
https://www.newsweek.com/white-lotus-autogynephilia-transgender-sam-rockwell-walton-goggins-2047416?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email
I found it sexually exciting at first wearing stockings and heels (my mother,s friends dressed that way where my mom was more conservative) but as I dressed more complete as a woman I became myself and the excitement became self conscious and natural and sexuality dissipated. Dressed as a woman I felt myself but if I wore a bra and heels it was more sexual in first steps. Sure, we have fetish but so does every other sexual identity. Its pretty tame dressing up compared to games needing a safe word. Brenda
Delete“ Sure, we have fetish but so does every other sexual identity.”
DeleteTrue but hardcore transactivists will never admit there is a fetish aspect to their personality. And if you point that out, you are labeled a transphobe. I speak from experience on both those counts.
JJ Here - Thanks for the comments Brenda! Yes, those are important steps. It was huge for me to actually go to a Sephora and get a makeover. Happy to hear you've had no adverse sightings. :)
ReplyDeleteAnother thought provoking topic for sure JJ, and one that takes many of us down memory lane as well. : )
ReplyDeleteIn some ways I think the first step is a bit innocuous. We try on a slip, panties, shoes, bra, or something that is laying around our childhood home. Something belonging to our mum, sis, aunt, or other family member. I’ve no doubt many a young lad has done this than they would care to admit, and in many cases it led nowhere.
I think the hardest thing is realizing we LIKED it, and soon do it again, and we sort of now know that there is something to it that we cannot put our finger on, but we hurdle onto the emotional rollercoaster of self discovery. Rather like you intended to play dress up and instead discovered what you usually wore was the costume.
Hugs,
Norah
Ha… my first time out they told me the wrong day of the meeting, I went and the meeting hall was dark. Opps wrong day! I summed my courage and went again the following weekend.
ReplyDeleteTransWeek (AKA Fantasia Fair) is the time of many of “Firsts” the first time feeling rain on my legs. The first time I got drenched to my skin was at Sessions Woods Wildlife Management with my cousin. One of those “scattered thunderstorms” caught us.
My first step was a false one. I was compelled to be a girl in a skit at day camp when I was seven. It was a traumatizing experience. Several other boys were girls in the skit too.
ReplyDeleteMy first independent step was when I was 12 and after being troubled for several years with the desire and dread of trying on girl's clothes, I tried on one of my mother's skirts. Left it on for a few moments and swore to myself that I'd never do that again.
A week or two later, I was home alone and decided I needed to try it again and remain in women's clothes long enough to see how it felt. I found a pair of pantyhose, a slip, and a nice dress to put on. I kept it on for about an hour until I was overwhelmed with guilt and self-recrimination. Trying on women's clothes remained my secret and mostly still is.
In college, out of the blue, two girls suggested that I allow them to dress me up as a girl for their sorority's halloween party. I was scared out of my mind, but I had a crush on one of the girls. They wanted me to go all out too. I complied and wore pantyhose, a gray wool pleated skirt, a pink blouse, and a black cardigan sweater.
It was memorable and I was glad I did it, but afterwards the girl I had a crush on seemed to have lost all interest in me. I got over it.
the 1st step out the door is surely the major hurdle
ReplyDelete