 |
| en tant que mère |
But how does one know when one passes? Unless you are a mind-reader, you never really know unless you have hard evidence.
I recently wrote about being escorted by a police officer at a transgender conference. He was as friendly as could be, did not seem put-out helping me and treated me like a lady.
But did he really think I was cisgender female? Maybe, maybe not. After all, I was attending a trans conference, so that might have given him a clue as to my birth gender. On the other hand, there were many cisgender females in attendance, so assuming I was trans just because it was a trans conference could have been an erroneous assumption, but without hard evidence, who knows what he assumed.
Many times, I made presentations at an annual conference for LGBTQ youth. At one conference, I arrived early for my presentation and sat down to go over my notes for the presentation. As the room filled up, a 40-something male sat next to me with his trans child in tow. He broke the ice and began conversing with me about the conference. During the conversation, he introduced me to his trans child and then he asked if I was the mother of a trans child and would he or she be attending the presentation.
I smiled and said no, I was not a trans child’s mother, rather I was the presenter for the presentation he was attending.
He was surprised and apologized for his error. I replied that an apology was not necessary and that he had made my day.
Now that’s hard evidence!
 |
| Wearing Colette Rose |
 |
| Femulating actors in the 2014 film Billy Shakespeare. |
Stana dear, aside from passing, it must be so much fun to be a presenter as Stana!
ReplyDeleteI do agree though, a good presentation is the most important thing. Passing all the time is an illusion that is extremely hard up close, or in an interaction unless you have had surgery, are on hormones, etc.
Sometimes you can tune into subtle cues as you approach or interact with someone. An eyebrow raise, subtle smile change or the like. Not hard evidence you were read, but gives an idea. I do not find it discouraging either and it is rather fun.
Norah
"There is no wrong way to be a woman" - Denise Bidot
ReplyDeleteAs much time as I have spent trying to pass, I had the opposite challenge this past Halloween. Our office had a costume contest, and I took the bold step of dressing. (our receptionist had been a flight attendant in the 80's, so I went as her) The biggest challenge was to NOT pass - to refrain from feminizing my walk, gestures and voice. Because once I step into those pumps, my physicality naturally changes. Everyone there knows I'm an actor, but no one knows of Julie, so I had to be "Male Me" in a skirt. It made for a VERY exhausting day - but I DID take first prize!
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine how exhausting and disheartening that must have been to have to "male mode" your femulation! The thought of not being able to swing my hips in heels or do many of those other delightful feminine gestures would be enough to make me want to cry haha. Hopefully winning first prize was enough to make up for that!
DeleteFor myself, I really present to pass and be accepted as a female. So if I get an odd compliment, or someone holds a door, or a doorman nods their head then I am happy but also if I can go about my day without a worry, that works too! Its when I get into this zone that I realize I am just being myself. Hugs, Brenda
ReplyDeleteLately, I have not been going out as "full Meg" but I have been dressing femininely. I find a wool cap or floppy hat covers my male pattern baldness and just lets my curly locks show. I often wear lipstick and gloss, nothing too bold. I was in a supermarket recently like that, wearing sneakers, leggings, a tunic top with a bit of lace at the bottom and a heavy jacket, mostly open. No boobs. I asked a clerk where the restroom was. She said, "I'll have to take you. They're locked." She led me to the opposite side of the store and... unlocked the women's room. I didn't correct her.
ReplyDeleteI went into a stall and was going to stand when I heard some noise in the neighboring stall so I quickly turned around and sat.
Of course being trans oneself does not exclude us from having trans children, my daughter is nonbinary, but then again I will never be her Mother!
ReplyDeleteStana,
ReplyDeleteAs you present, you could have easily been some sort of professional woman attending the conference as a psychologist, social worker, etc. So take the interaction as a "pass". A couple of years back I spent some time in the greater Boston area. When I checked into the hotel I had to show my (male) ID. As I sometimes do, I thanked the young male receptionist for his discretion. That lead to a conversation with the others behind the desk. Somewhere during my time at the desk, one of the young ladies there mentioned she was having difficulty with her physics homework before a final exam. I mentioned that I was trained in that subject and could help her. Long story short, I did help her and she told me that she was surprised that I was femulating and fully accepted my help as I sat with her femulating!
Handing over a male ID/driver's license is always fun. They either act as if nothing is amiss, gush over your presentation or (my favorite) ask, "Is this your husband's driver's license."
DeleteWhen I "flew pretty" I had to hand my ID over to the TSA guy. He looked and said "this isn't your drivers license. I said, in my boy voice, "yes, it is."
DeleteI wore a dress to early voting in October. The poll worker who checked my ID was puzzled with my name of John on my ID. Another poll worker complimented me on my dress. John
DeleteI routinely show my ID checking into hotels. I just hand it over with a smile and tell them it was a really bad hair day when they took the picture. : )
DeleteNorah
Meg, too funny about flying "pretty"
DeleteI was picking up some items at a grocery store, and in my usual attire, a dress. As I was putting the items into my vehicle, some woman called out to me, "Is that you, Connie". John
ReplyDeleteI often doubted the sincerity of compliments on my appearance. Then, at a wig store in Philadelphia, I had proof. The saleswoman was incredibly helpful, letting me try on various wigs. When I asked if other men shopped there, she had a surprise look on her face and she said what do you mean other men?I said, 'Don't you know I'm a guy?' Her surprised reaction confirmed my ability to pass as a woman. It made my day. Oh, and by the way, if anybody wants to see how we’ll start I can pass just check out some of her videos at Hamvention. She truly has the aura look. Oh, and by the way, if anybody wants to see how well Stana can pass just check out some of her videos at Hamvention. She truly has the aura look voice of cisgender woman.Paula G
ReplyDeleteI also had an interesting experience at a wig store. The owners knew of my TG status. I was probably the first customer of the day and was having a hard time deciding. So, over the course of more than an hour, several customers came and went. One in particular enjoyed trying on different wigs and asking the owners what they thought. I started to chime in with my opinions and then she started to reciprocate. As I was walking around waiting for another wig to try, I probably made a comment to the owners that I wanted something that would be age appropriate (almost) that would let me blend in more. She overheard the comment and looked puzzled. So, I said to her "I am non-binary". She replied, "I would not have known". Later, I smiled and mouthed "Thank you". She gave me a big smile back. My day was made!
DeleteLeann
Thank you for the kind words, Paula. Click here to view my Hamvention video. I appear at the 6:40 mark.
ReplyDeleteStana should win "best presenter" award Brenda
ReplyDeleteWas In Walmart not too long ago and the cashier acted normally until I spoke. Was visibly shocked when he heard my unpassable voice. I had passed until I had to speak.
ReplyDelete