Someday Funnies

 

Wearing Allsaints

Victoria Elizabeth, Actor, Model, Magician

Music, Light, a Rose... and a Sasquatch??? – Part 2

By Norah Blucher

When we last parted, I had just been to a symphony and then unwittingly entered the most bizarre episode of the T-Girl Bachelorette. A show which will not be continuing for a second season, LOL.

A Hairy Situation

I awoke the next morning and began the process of getting ready and packing up. This was supposed to be my “weird” day, though I think the previous night took that crown. It was dreadfully cold and a bit windy, and as I said earlier, Maine is not a “dressy” place at all. Given my day’s agenda, I chose a cream turtleneck sweater with skinny jeans and my tall suede boots. I adore those boots as they not only look smashing, but Cole Haan actually makes the size 10.5 that fits me well and their Nike Air foot bed makes walking in heeled footwear surprisingly comfortable.

My first stop of the day was the world’s only Crypto zoology museum! I’ve know of it’s existence for several years, but just never took the time to go there. Crypto zoology is the study of cryptids, or the sort of mythical animals science has not shown to exist. Big Foot, Nessie, Yetis and the like. One of my favorite shows as a child was “In Search Of” hosted by Leonard Nimoy, which often featured shows on these topics, and though I do not really believe all these things exist, the topic of things we can not explain with science always fascinated me.

The parking meter gave me some trouble, and though I was not sure I had operated it correctly and it failed to print a receipt (It was probably frozen) I said to hell with the consequences and headed in. I found it to be smaller than expected, and though interesting, a bit underwhelming too. Many of the exhibits were just replicas and some, like the ten foot Anaconda found in Maine were easily explainable, as in someone tipped off the police and some fool let their pet go to avoid getting caught.

It was interesting none the less and at one point I found myself next to a young couple who was sort of marveling at the taxidermy figures and wondering how some of it was done. Having not learned my lesson the previous night, I sort of piped in and started explaining some of the finer details of taxidermy! They seemed right impressed, not just with how it was done, but how this blonde lady, who looked like she had no business with taxidermy whatsoever, knew so much. Never judge a book by its cover, loves!

The star attraction was the Sasquatch, which was rather impressive, though I thought it seemed a bit silly with the Santa hat, and looked more akin to “Harry and the Henderson’s” of 80’s movie fame. I’m not sure, but I think a bit of wax, a nice dress, and some makeup and he might not look half bad. Would you agree? He certainly made my shaving routine seem a piece of cake for sure! It was right fun though, and worth the $10 to get in, even if Dr. Spock was not there to narrate for me.

I took one last lap around the little museum, to see if I missed anything, and happened to notice this time, a little exhibit devoted to vintage silk stockings, with a little inscription explaining how heirs of a long forgotten hosiery company had provided the endowment to open this museum. I knew there was something that drew me to this place! I suddenly looked around for Elise as I knew her spirit was clearly with me on this day, hosiery aficionada that she is, LOL.

Having some time to kill before my main event for the evening, I did a bit of shopping afterward. You knew there had to be shopping in here didn’t you? Being the weekend before Christmas I avoided the mall like the plague and stayed on the periphery of town.

While browsing Nordstom Rack I happened to be near a two sided sunglass display and a very tall blonde girl stood up opposite me, trying on a pair in the mirror. She was quite striking, and I commented to her that she should buy the glasses as they just looked smashing with her whole look with her long wool coat and wool beret. The enthusiastic “thank you!” in a thick Swedish accent was quite a surprise for sure, but finding nothing there I wandered over to Burlington and found a great red floral dress. I actually have very little red in my wardrobe and am looking to expand into other color schemes. I also found a cute little book on the history of little black dresses at Barnes and Noble.

Famished at this time I walked over to Applebee’s. The host or hostess was something in our spectrum, though I’m not sure where entirely to be honest, but was very friendly and gave me a good seat near a window. The waiter was also very nice and kept calling me “hon” in a friendly way. Service was slow I must say, and a manager came by a few times to check on things, so maybe he was new. I felt so bad for him when the booth a few down from me was arguing with him over a discount that did not apply to alcohol apparently. This literally went on for 15 minutes over a bloody $3. I understand to some regard, but I’ve better things to do than argue for that long over $3 on a bill for a family of five. Holiday spirit everyone! Anyway, I tipped well, used the ladies room and headed off.

The Light of my Life

My main event was about an hour drive from Portland in Boothbay. Held annually at a botanical garden, they light up a good size section with different displays of lights, and you walk along paths throughout the garden and it was truly impressive.

And it was dreadfully frigid as well. I think it was about ten degrees that night. I had switched to my new femme winter boots before exiting the car and found them to be WONDERFUL! Not the height of fashion, but just the simple rubber bottom, nylon upper, fur trim around the top standard snow boot you have probably seen countless girls wearing at the market or shoveling their walk. Still a bit more femme than the insulated Wellies I see a lot of women wear, but just as practical. In keeping with my Dr. Zhivago theme that weekend, I also added a vest under my coat for extra warmth, and a headband, but was still cold!

My saving grace was some of those little chemical hand warmers that you open up and which heat up for hours. Just a tip girls, but our undergarments give PLENTY of options to stash these little gems. Some small ones in your bra, a large one in the back along your spine is held nicely by a waist cincher, with some in the gloves and pockets and you are good to go girl!

At one point I passed a young couple attempting to take a selfie and offered to take one for them. They happily agreed and she went to give me a stylus and I showed her I had one already. We had a good laugh congratulating ourselves for being smart girls for bringing these so we did not have to remove gloves to operate phones.

Their picture, sadly, came out dark, as did most of mine. The lights photographed well, but tended to drown out faces and people. I did manage to get a few though where I did not appear to be a shadow figure or have neon skin.

Passing was truly a breeze with it being rather dark and all dressed up like every other Eskimo looking girl there, and a few friends have commented that my femme voice sounds remarkably female (I really do need to find a way to record it one day to fully hear myself). I actually noted none of the little eye brow raises, or eyes widening slightly that usually cue me in that I’ve been read. One girl actually came up to me to comment how cute my outfit looked! I thanked her kindly, but admitted I was still colder than I looked.

Aside from the welcome center/gift shop, there was also a large indoor cafeteria, situated in the middle of the grounds, where one could warm up, which I utilized twice in the hour or so I was there to both warm up and check the map to see where I had not been yet. It was over a mile to walk everything if that gives an idea of the scale of the display.

On my way out I stopped back at the gift shop to pick up a pottery dish I had purchased that was shaped like a leaf. They had kindly offered to hold it for me so I did not have to walk the garden with it, writing my name on the bag and tucking it behind the counter. When I went to retrieve it I told them I had a bag on hold for Norah and a young girl working the other side of the counter turned to tell me how much she loved that name and how beautiful it was. No one has ever complimented my name before, but I was very thankful for the much safer attention I had received this night as opposed to the previous one, LOL.

Close Call

I began my long drive home, completely exhausted again, but thankful for another great weekend en femme. It certainly had some unexpected twists, and then some, but I had certainly tested my limits and came out of it alright, and a wiser girl as well.

It was a nice drive though, and I enjoyed seeing the many houses lit up, a nice reprieve in the early darkness of December. I arrived home late as intended and parked near my door, gathering my keys for the short dash inside. As soon as I cracked the door however, turning on the inside car light, I suddenly saw a spotlight come on and headlights heading down the communal driveway I share with my neighbors! My heart literally skipped a beat and I surely mumbled some explicative. I moved quickly, but as I got out I was suddenly pulled by my purse strap that had become entangled in the parking brake lever. Oh hell! Do I ditch it and run, or deal with it?

With the skill of Roy Rogers I somehow snapped my wrist and freed my purse strap and scurried inside, closing the door behind me, just moments before my neighbors drove past. That was a close one for sure! As of yet no one has spotted my blonde mistress, or at they have not asked about her, though I have no significant other so she might not be conjuring any attention either. To be right honest, the more I get out, the less I care about being found out. As I gain comfort in being en femme in public, the thought of having to explain all this to a vague acquaintance like a neighbor I occasionally wave to seems to just not to be a big deal anymore.

I’ve actually given serious thought to coming out to some close friends. I think they would not only be accepting, but there is a good chance they would want to meet Norah and spend time with me as her. I also hate not being able to share some of my outings with them as they would be interested in those things as well, or at least hearing about them. Just a thought for now and nothing I’m set on.

Oh well, one last look in the mirror before washing up to change and unload the car. On a practical level, I’m always curious to see how my makeup holds up after an extended day, and perhaps because it was so cold, it still looked rather good after 10+ hours. It is also just my last look for a while at the face I actually like seeing in the mirror. Sure I can roam my home as I please, but going all the way is so much more rewarding!

So loves, I promised you more than shopping and eating one day, and hope I have not bored you with the results. My aim is to just do as many things I would normally do, but en femme, and I actually find myself more motivated and outgoing en femme as well. If you have any comments, please write below, or e-mail me at nblucher at-sign proton dot me. I love to hear from people and it is never a bother.

Wearing Shein

Leslie Phillips femulating in the 1970 British film Doctor In Trouble.

Music, Light, a Rose... and a Sasquatch??? – Part 1

By Norah Blucher

Well, I see I’ve got your attention now, so read on and I’ll explain. I’ve long warned that there is more to me than eating and shopping, and a recent outing of mine certainly showed that to be the case. This time I spent a weekend in Portland, Maine, right before Christmas. While I started the Holiday season off with Black Friday shopping, I wanted to bring it to a close with something decidedly different.

Portland is a place I have been to many times, though only once before en femme. Though not much more than a large town by most standards, Portland is the thriving metropolis of New England’s northern most state, and has a very Bostonian feel to it, with a quirky undercurrent that is all Maine. It is also known as a very diverse and welcoming place, and I decided to branch out a bit into new experiences, some of which I did not quite bargain for either.

Music to My Ears

The evening I arrived in Portland, I had tickets to the Christmas symphony, and this was a completely new experience for me all the way around. I’ve never been to one, and had yet to attend a formal event en femme, so here I was. Though one would normally assume this to be a formal event, Maine is a right informal place in many regards, and the guide that was sent with my ticket said that wearing jeans and a flannel or your winter best would both be acceptable so I was relieved to be comfortable in my tennis shoes and yoga pants.

You know me enough by now to see that for the pile of rubbish it is, LOL. No, I went all out of course! I broke out my favorite LBD with a festive looking jacket, and topped it all off with a black plumed fascinator clip. Brenda commented last time about my articles being akin to Russian novels, so I was trying to conjure my inner Lara Antipova without looking like a Bolshevik hooker.

The symphony hall was absolutely packed, and though I was slightly overdressed, I was glad to see flannels and jeans were not dominating the fashion scene. Many women wore simple, but festive dresses with boots, and a few others were more formal than me in rather exquisite satin dresses. I did not note many solo patrons though, as most seemed to be attending as couples, families, or groups, and with the focus on the performance, so no one really paid me any attention.

I had a great front row seat up in the Grand Tier as they called it, and it is hard to describe in words the experience of it all. I have been to concerts before, but always felt they were for the experience and the T-shirt, not the music, as the CD always sounds better. At a symphony, in a proper venue, the music just fills the room and you feel it as well. It just envelops you in the experience and is truly quite beautiful.

There was quite a mix of scores as well, not what I expected. Songs from seasonal movies like Home Alone and Elf were featured along with traditional favorites. The conductor also did a lot of speaking in-between scores as well, explaining fun facts and a history of each piece. I never knew the song “The First Noel” originated in Cornwall in the 13th century, did you?

Best of all were the acrobatics. Yes, the program stated something about Cirque de Symphony, and it turned out to be a sort of Cirque de Soleil that went along with the music. One chap twirled a giant hoop, even getting into the hoop, rolling and turning across the stage. Another acrobat dressed as Peter Pan and flew above the crowd during a score from “Hook”. The star though, in my opinion, was a girl who did an aerial ballet from hoops and poles 30 feet in the air. At one time she was twirling through the air on a large ribbon, wrapped herself up in it, and then quickly unraveled, rolling toward the stage like she was going to tumble, before catching herself and flying through the air! It was positively mesmerizing.

At the end the conductor had us all stand and join in with the chorus to sing the last parts. Now I’ve been told I have a sweet voice, but a singing voice it is not, so I just sort of hummed so as not to clear the hall in a stampede. As we started to leave, I was taking a picture of myself to show my viewpoint, and what I wore, and a nice young lady offered to take my picture. I’m standing in front of my seat and the view was right fabulous!

The Bachelorette?

Though I was a bit tired, I was not yet ready to call it a night and wandered across the street to a hotel restaurant for some food and a drink. I was seated at the bar, enjoying a drink and some scallops when a like minded couple, about my age, who had also attended the symphony came in and sat a few stools down from me. The bloke reminded me of the cartoon Cockney “Andy Capp” and she was quite a bubbly blonde, and I engaged them in some casual conversation about the show and the food and they were just a very likable sort.

She quickly proved to be a brassy sort as well, who at one point looked me up and down, saying something to the effect of “I love your vibe, tell me what’s going on here?” This was the first time civilians have ever asked about me, and they both actually were impressed with my presentation and bravery for being out. We were having a thoroughly enjoyable conversation about the symphony, Portland, etc., so when I decided to head down to a favorite place of mine that serves desert flavored drinks I asked them if they wanted to head over to continue the conversation and, they agreed. 

As we entered our destination, I found it most amusing when the girl suddenly looked down and was thoroughly amazed at my ability to navigate the cobblestone street in 3 inch suede heels. It was turning out to be a fabulous evening as we chatted about life, the holidays, broken relationships, my experiences as Norah, and how these two found each other and started dating. This was also my first time in a prolonged conversation with another GG as well. We admired each others jewelry, discussed fashion, and she remarked how great my makeup was. Though we had just met, it just felt like we had been friends forever.

I was never good with girls or relationships mind you, and in that realm I’m quite naïve, but in the world now as a female, I’m blind as a bloody bat. I look back and realize all the signs were there, and I totally played into the whole thing. Had I been in male mode, this much attention from a girl would have been obvious, but things hit a point where I realized this bird was more than just overly curious and had a clear thing for me! As in Norah. She played for both teams, and enjoyed a rather open relationship, so this chap was not exactly opposed to it either.

WHOA! Stop right there, let’s back this trolley right up. I made it very clear at this point that I was extremely sorry for any mixed signals on my end, but this was not something that was going anywhere. To him I was clear that if he had ulterior motives for letting her explore her other side, there was nothing in it for him as I’m girl’s only, but also had no desire to get between them either. On her end, she was actually a bit crushed to be right honest, and I assured her that I was thoroughly flattered at her interest, and found her to be an amazing girl, but I’m not a home wrecker, someone’s mistress, nor do I share well.

Please note that though this was not something I ever saw coming, and admit my own stupidity, but at no time did I feel unsafe. I was in a public place with others around, I’d been to this area many times over the years and knew my way around a fair bit, and had my own means of transportation via LYFT back to my hotel.

I was not right sure what to expect at this point, but kept my composure, and what ensued was actually a thoroughly open and honest conversation. She had a lot of friends within the LGBTQ community, but actually none with the T part. For starters, she was actually surprised to learn I’m not always Norah. I think we both agreed to having a lot of complication in our lives, and a lot to sort out. These two also had a lot of things to sort out together as well. I think girls are going to be way more than a curiosity for her, and I’m not sure he knows where to fit in.

Then at some point a lady walked into this place with a bucket of roses selling them. Is that a thing at a bar at midnight? What twisted “Twilight Zone” episode was I in? Anyway, the bloke goes and buys four of them, gives his lady three of them and me one. It was so, so strange, but I accepted it as a gesture that we were all okay, and enjoyed the rest of the evening, chatting as we had before.

As we parted ways we hugged goodbye, and as I got into my ride thoughts whirled through my head. For one, I do need to be more careful in the future. I’m usually very guarded around just men, and even around other CDs when meeting for the first time at least. I’ve dealt with the “tranny chasers” and such as well, though I did not feel targeted in any way on this one. It was I after all who kept this conversation going and invited them to the next place. I just got a bit more than I bargained for is all.

The irony of the night also struck me as well. Our tribe often has the dilemma of wondering how to break the ice when you meet someone, about our female side. Though this was not quite the same. Who ever has met someone as their female self and had to explain that you have another side that is male? Who? If you have, please tell us about it!

What a weird night, but in a strange way it also gave me hope. Though this rose had way too many thorns for my liking, there was a girl who actually met Norah and liked her for what she was! Perhaps my seemingly distant wish of finding someone to embrace both sides of me may not be a total dream. As I looked down at my actual rose I laughed to myself. I got a rose, but was still (thankfully) in a car heading away alone. Maybe this makes me the next Bachelorette who gets to pick next time? LOL.

To Be Continued

Wearing JustFab

Richard Gibson femulating in an episode of British television’s 'Allo 'Allo!

Happy New Year!

Wearing Nine West

John Inman femulating in an episode of British television's Are You Being Served?