Wednesday, November 6, 2024

Going Dark

The goal of this blog is to encourage male-to-female crossdressers to get out of the closet and experience the world as females. I believe that the blog has been very successful in that regard.

Lately, it has become more dangerous to go out and about en femme due to the open transphobia encouraged by the republican party. Tuesday’s election will just embolden the haters; they will feel that they now have free rein to attack us and it will no longer be safe to go out en femme anywhere.

So I am loathe to encourage anyone to go out and about en femme. It was fun while it lasted, but now it is scary and I don’t want anyone to get hurt. And since the goal of this blog is something I no longer advocate, I plan to shut it down.

136 comments:

  1. Please don't shut this blog down. I live in the Dallas-Fort Worth area of Texas, and my default presentation is that of a woman. I wear dresses all the time, and I have NEVER been harrased, let alone threatened. I am respected as a person with my presentation. And I get compliments from women with my attire.

    John

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    1. The bad new keeps getting worse. it looks like the maga fascist will hold both the house and the senate, SCOTUS and the White House. Going Dark may help but everything on the internet is forever and if they want to track us they can. I think it's time to consider options, flight, fight or submit and hope that there will not be genocide. Too many people in the center and on the left think trump can be contained and that it won't be worse then living in the 50s. I disagree no one believed the Holocaust could be real until the camps were liberated. I hope it does not get that bad but I have no intention of meekly submitting to religious fanatics. Start creating networs now and do not trust anyone that voted for trump. I believe it will take a civil war to restore Democracy and we will have to face it. Going dar
      k won't help but it is Dark Times.

      Delete
  2. I totally understand,
    I start almost everyday with the sunshine of Stana’s world. You will be missed.
    Take care and thank you for the years of enlightenment, joy and the word femulate. It will live on.

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  3. I think you should do what you believe is correct. Being a life long crossdresser who is almost completely closeted I'm not going to go out in public either way. However, I understand why you feel shutting it down makes sense. Perhaps it does.

    With regard to those so called conservatives out there in today's political climate, there are many things I no longer do such as place a Kamala sign in my yard because the potential violence in Indiana is real. When I venture into Chicago I don't flip off rude drivers as I might have when I was young because I'm afraid someone might shoot a gun at me.

    While I've never gone public with crossdressing except for a couple of Halloweens years ago, I have no doubt that there are some angry men and even a few women who wouldn't hesitate to confront a crossdresser. Thank you Stana.

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    1. I live in Indiana, in a very conservative rural area. There are a few Kamala signs. There's no potential for violence for being a crossdresser. Grow the hell up

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    2. Thank you for your comment. As a conservative crossdresser I will notice no difference in people’s reactions when I go out. If anything I will feel safer now than I have the last 4 years.

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    3. Thank you for your comment. I am grown up. And, you should do what you want to do and do not bark orders at me. Thank you.

      Delete
  4. Agree with John, please reconsider your decision to shut down. They can't worry about this small activity as there are so many big and loud groups attracting their attention. Let's see how this plays out. Any other opinions or ideas from our little group?

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  5. After 17 years and thousands of posts, I wouldn’t blame you for one second for feeling you’re done with it. I am writing from Canada and so am unaffected (until the same sentiments drift northwards, that is) but ending the blog solely because of the hate by the few is lamentable. I hope —if it is what you want — that you continue to show strength in the face of adversity. It used to be common practise to cut off the index and middle fingers of captured archers so that they could no longer pull a bow. In response, archers would taunt the enemy by holding up those two fingers (palm inward), signifying both “come and take them” and a general FU. I’m all for holding up two fingers to those who would persecute us.

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  6. Stand, you are of course free to do what you wish, but I hope you reconsider.

    Last night was a kick in the teeth to a lot of people. The idea that more people voted for the ass who failed versus the nice team that fixed the problems boggles the mind.

    However, we all choose whether we got out in the world or not. You will not be responsible. However, as I've got only one life, and too many clothes, and too many friends, the idea of not going out has never once crossed my mind. I've had only positive experiences, and I will not let last night stop this.

    And selfishly, I want to see my picture on here a few more times.

    But if you do decide, let me speak for the thousands of your regular readers and say thank you for being a voice for many of us.

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  7. I understand your frustration. This morning's news is disappointing. A friend joked about weighing himself down with fishing anchors and wading into the local pond. Don't let the haters get to you. I do not plan to hide (any more than I do now, since I am part time). I reacted to the bad news by getting dressed for my morning walk (which I usually do in drab). If you close the site down, you will be missed; very much. But, it's your decision. Think about it a few days, take a deep breath, and don't play into the hands of the selfish judgmental haters. Don't let evil win.

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  8. To be honest this is the first time I have made a comment on your blog, but I was driven to say this because we can't give up. I'm from the UK, it is very different here although there are plenty of haters and 'tweeters' that seem to be emboldened to comment on something they little or nothing about. The American people have cast their vote, only time will tell if that was a vote for democracy or disaster.... It is not for me to comment on the choices of the American people. However, I do understand your feelings and your wish to keep everyone safe. It is for you to decide the continuation or otherwise of your excellent blog, what ever you choose i wish you the very best for the future. One final comment is to say Thank You for all the effort and time you have put into this enterprise..........

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  9. Wow, I must say this was right unexpected. I know things will be different for us in some ways, and some of the hot button issues like sports and issues with children may take an about face, but I refuse to believe that we are going back to the dark ages of femulation again. I’ve not lived the hard struggles many on here have, but if I have learned one thing from everyone here, it is that the efforts and gains of everyone here, and elsewhere in our tribe is that what has mattered most were our gains in the hearts and minds of people, and not the political arena.

    Political changes pushed through my a slim majority are never lasting, and are meaningless, unless hearts and minds are behind it. Look how Prohibition went. Marijuana is still outlawed federally, but stores that sell it keep popping up like weeds, no pun intended. Anti racism and discrimination laws are nothing new, and they have all had only varying degrees of success. I can think of many others, but the point is that what matters most are the feelings of those around us. Haters may feel more emboldened, but that is not new. Some of us live in very femulation friendly states, others do not. I do not really see much changing in that regard.

    I for one, want to wait and see the fallout and where this plays out. I can not encourage anyone to stay in, or go out more. That is a decision everyone must come to on their own. For myself, I intend to change nothing. I’ve given in the will of others most of my life, and will not bow again. I’ve long thought we were nothing more than a political toy of both sides. Gains and losses swatted about like a ball of yarn by two cats who hiss at each other one minute, and cozy up to the fire place together at the end of the day. Politics is a casino game where the house politicians always win, and the rest of us sometimes have the illusion of winning, but really always lose.

    I feel workplace rights may sadly see a shift, which is unfortunate, but I also feel that if you lose your job because of a loss of protection for trans people, maybe that was a horrid place anyway. Not a trans issue, but I previously had a job where I was only hanging on because to let me go would have been discrimination. Believe me, I was reminded daily that I was a pariah. When I left, I could not believe I did not do it sooner. I found someone else who valued me for all I was, and have been so much better for it! I’m sure we may no longer be welcome in the U.S. military now. Well, I guess we just get a pass on the draft if WWIII breaks out then.

    Things will change for sure. Some store chains may not let us in the ladies changing rooms perhaps, as they are not required. I would bet most still will though. Money is money. I doubt anyone’s favorite girls night out spot will shutter their doors to us either.
    I intend to use an abundance of caution when out, but I always do and always have. I travel to some abysmal places en homme where I could get for no reason. I’m no more fearful of being out en femme at a museum or mall than I am working in the Bronx.

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  10. True gains have been made by many of us along the way however. Lasting changes. Things like outreach, or just going out and about as a good citizen have made positive changes that will not dissolve in January. That was not the work of the political system, but the actions of many of us reading this. We’ve gone out and been treated well, made civilian friends, and a host of other things. The waitress who refers to you as “she”, or the grocer who says “thank you ma’m” do this as the kind and right thing, and not out of fear of arrest. Many get the other treatment at times, and nothing happens then either. I’ve been broken once, and will never allow anyone to break me again. I will always continue to be me regardless.

    It breaks my heart to think I may never chat with some of you again. We face changes and uncertainty in our world of femulation, but I always knew we would all be okay together. If it is Stana’s wish to shut things down, I certainly understand, and hope everyone else does too. I do hope you reconsider Stana, as we need each other more than ever as we figure things out, but I know your kind nature and the burden you would feel as well. I will never forget all you have given to me, Stana, and so many others here. I will dearly miss everyone here. Our serious discussions, the knowledge shared, and sometimes our light hearted silliness. You have all made an impact on my life that will not be forgotten.

    With much love and high regards to all,

    Norah Marina-Elizabeth Blucher

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  11. Wow. That is a big reaction to the election.
    If you take destructive steps, they may be hard or impossible to reverse. Think it through.
    We all love you, Stana. We're "here" for you if you need a friend. :)

    Joey

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  12. I understand your feelings Stana, and respect your wishes but please know that I am doing just the opposite. I've been targeted by haters of some kind my whole life for all kinds of "reasons". Being Hispanic, for being non-religious, for being a nerd, for being overweight, for cross-gender expression (now transgender), or for simply doing or saying what I believe is right. This has been the case nearly my entire life, and what I always do is the same: Show no fear. One can back down and conform to their demands, like a kid giving up their lunch money to avoid being beaten up, or stand up to the bullies. Even if that involves some personal risk.

    I certainly do not want to live my life in fear or go back into the closet to appease the fascists. That is, in my mind, when they win.

    Final thought: "I Won't Back Down" --Tom Petty

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  13. I live in a very conservative state. I have never had a problem in going out. These people are respectful. I have many conservative friends that treat me with nothing but respect. To much fear mongering out there. The press paint a very bad picture of conservative people. Not to say that there are not bad people, but there are those types in all walks of life. I will keep on going out with my friends and having a good time.

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    1. I have found it the same here in Virginia for at Least since the 1970s
      Cheers 🥂🥂🥂

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  14. Nothing has changed. If Kamala would have one the republicans are still out there. They just don’t disappear. There are really fantastic republicans out there. Just have to quit putting them all in one basket and calling them names. They respond much better with love then hate.

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    1. As a conservative cross dresser I appreciate your comment. We’re not all the same.

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  15. Please don't submit! Don't let "them" win!

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  16. While I understand your disappointment in the presidential election and feel all is lost I ask you to think about all those young people out there that are struggling to understand their true gender. You bring them needed information, you bring them needed hope and yes you bring them a little laughter with your cartoons. You may not ever know how many lives you have touched and how many lives you may have saved. If just one lonely teenager hears by chance of your blog and turns to it and does not feel alone you have served a great purpose. If some guy out there who tries on his mother's clothes and thinks he is some kind of pervert but learns through your little essays of your struggles and realizes he is not the only guy to try that, you are a success. So you may want to go dark but please continue for of all the future "fans" that ned your wisdom and advise.

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  17. Lisa KaufmannNovember 06, 2024

    I too hope that you reconsider. While i can understand your thoughts and process you were/are an inspiration for many.
    When I was working I was often out and about and did send a few comments and picture or two over the years. Now that I am retired I can only live vicariously thru your blog and stories of others who venture out and about.
    Know that you will be missed. Health and love and hugs to you, Lisa

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  18. Election overreaction, massive overgeneralization of the populace. A trans woman was elected to Congress. Live your life. Going backwards isn't progress.

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  19. Interesting 🤔, I went out the vote in the Western Mountains of Virginia, the most Conservative and Republican portion of the Commonwealth. Dressed in ballet flats, muted women's pastel leggings with earrings and a gold metal belt.
    Wearing anything that Identifies with a candidate has been illegal since the 1960s within 75 feet of a polling place. Know that one well because I have served as a, GOP certified by the state poll checker both before and after the polling places closed for Decades. During the vote counts.

    Over them and with my purse I wore a three sizes to big tee shirt worn as a tunic, it had a large tabard of President Lincoln in US Flag Sunglasses holding a red solo cup and the lettering . . . Happy Birthday America.

    Had Zero problems.
    Since I left the Black MAGA hat in the car, nice day November, the high 70s !
    Many years I have voted with the temps in the 30s.

    The last time I got any back talk was just Before the Plague hit, went into Kroger's and a woman with a heavy New York City accent...screamed at me ...what are you! Over and Over.
    I just walked by and was surprised 😯 that several sweet Southern Raised Ladies came to me and commiserated with me over the incident. Note that day I was NOT in Boy Drag

    Sara

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    1. Hey fellow Sara! This is pretty much what I would expect.

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  20. Don’t let the Pumpkin Prince win everything!! Please stay. Remember Stonewall

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  21. This is the first time I've come across your page, but I'm glad I did just so I could encourage you to not give up. Obviously it's entirely up to you. We can't let them win so easily. The more we give in , the more they will take.

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  22. As you have shown us before crossdressing has been around for years. Presidents come and go. Crossdressing will be here forever. Hope you will be too. Know you have been loved and appreciated by all of us.

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  23. I am considering doing the the same. Tomorrow's blog will explain. Rhonda

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    1. I hope you all don't go completely dark we need to communicate and support each other. If you live in a red state start planning on how to escape if things turn violent and the trump regime start arresting us. All take care and think about what you need to do to be safe.

      Delete
  24. Hi Stana, whilst I don't live in the States, I hope I can understand how you are feeling.
    :( This site is one of the first (if not the first) I visit every morning and I can appreciate how much effort it must take for you and the other contributors. I can't say much about yesterday, but do you think the general public will ever vote for female president?
    Anyway, if you do decide to stop posting, many thanks for the enjoyment that you and others have given me over the years. I hope you decide to continue, if not, best of luck for the future to all that have contributed. I will miss you all, Megan, Canberra.

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  25. Kathryn PetersNovember 06, 2024

    I was so sad to hear about shutting your blog down. I heard it first from my dear friend JJ and didn't want to believe it! I understand your position but you've been a bright spot in my mornings for some time now. I'll miss it and you. Wishing you all the best! 🤗🥰

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  26. The man hasn’t taken office yet and already ruining things. Sad day for everyone but him and his creeps. You brighten every morning for me.

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    1. Has an out and about conservative crossdresser I appreciate the name calling.

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  27. Stana, I join the chorus of those asking you to reconsider. Your blog not only helps those that can go out to do so but it also allows those of us who cannot to live vicariously. I dare say that 99.9% could never attain the image of your "Femulate Her". So, we all live vicariously here to some extent. This blog will also serve to give us hope when these dark 4 years are over and (hopefully) we return to a country we can recognize. So, please, be the beacon of hope that we all need now. You and I live in a state where we will hopefully be somewhat protected from the worst, so we need to help others have hope.

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  28. Please keep the blog going ... We cannot run and hide to these insurrectionists who do not care about democracy or people's dignity ... just suggest more caution in the face of blatant discrimination by orientation ... you are doing a great service !

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  29. I'm sorry for America's choice and I see horrible times ahead for the world. It isn't as safe for trans people to go out now, it's true, but it's not clear why violent, hate-driven people should be allowed to do what they want all the time. Fight back. My own blog is there as a testament that trans people exist, always have done and will continue to do so long after the latest generation of haters have been consigned to history. Yours is too. Sue x

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  30. Stana - I hope you change your mind about shutting the blog down. We need encouragement to keep us sane - even if we crossdress at home. It's important for people like us to know that there are others like us and can communicate to keep each other sane through these hard times to come.

    I intend to keep my blog up as long as I feel safe going out in my part of the world. Yes, I'll have to be much more careful than in the past. But, it's important that a certain number of us take risks and stay visible. Yet, if organized pogroms begin, I will be one of the first people out of Dodge and on a jet plane to somewhere safe to ride things out. (I hope that I'll have my ducks in a row by then.)

    M

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  31. Hi Stana,
    So many thoughtful comments! I can only add that for me your blog has been a quiet place of sanity. Please do not do anything rash!
    Perhaps there is a middle way?
    We are all acutely aware of potential risk when going out.

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  32. Hi Stana. May I say I respect your decision and this is both your blog and your life. The safety of you and your family comes first, so do what you think is best.

    Look after yourself and stay safe.
    L x

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  33. I agree that you provide an amazing inspiration to all in our community, and agreethat this is no a good situation for us to be in.
    However stepping back into the shadows and underground is not the thing to do.
    Being out, visible and proud is where we need to be, Stand up and show the world who we are and we are here is what is needed.
    This is the point of Pride, Stonewall and Trans day of remembrance.
    I am what I am and What I am needs no excuses.
    Hang on in here and be a beacon in the darkness to show the world we are not alone
    hugs from the UK

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  34. Hi Stana,
    I'm from the UK and I cannot believe the result. This is the equivalent of our BREXIT with a very similar split in the voting percentage. I check out your blog on a daily basis as it knits together a sisterhood.
    Years ago (late 80s-early 90s) I was a Regional organiser for the Beaumont Society. I had known of the existence since the early 70s and just by knowing it was there when the time came to 'come out', I'm glad they were still operating even though things were not so open then. Your blog will serve many who will never see the outside world as their true selves and will be a lifesaver.
    We are facing more anti-trans rhetoric in the UK. I cannot help but think that most of the noise is stoked up by the media. Media can be be both good and bad in equal proportions and they have much to answer for.
    I understand how you must feel and how many more of your countryfolk must feel. I still feel bitter at the the ransacking this country has gone through by exiting the EU and the punishment that has been inflicted on generations younger than ours after all the good times and freedoms we enjoyed as members.
    Keeping our heads held high and staying present will hopefully endure.
    Love and best wishes.
    Tara Jayne Suffolk

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  35. after all of the facist fear pumped out by the Harris campaign I understand but you are over reacting.I live in a very conservative area of Florida---out en femme for many years with only 1 minor experience from a drunk. there is no going back

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    1. Republicans spent millions of dollars on anti-trans ads. If you think those people are live and let live types, I don’t know what to tell you. By the way, many people who worked for and with Trump expressed concern about his being a fascist.

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    2. If you don't think trump is a fascist and his supporter and religious fanatics that hate trans and all LGBGTIA people you are in denial. trump said he will end all support of trans people on his first day. All laws protecting our family will be terminated and the worst of the hate preachers are calling for the genocide of gay and trans people. No one believed the holocaust could happen it did. So the genocide of a few million LGBTQIA people is very possible, even probable.

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    3. Like many of his minions you have no clue what fascism really is . I hope you enjoy your vote .

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  36. You’re right to close it down. There’s something sick in the United States, and I’m glad I live in Europe, though I’m not sure we can hold the forces of darkness at bay for long either. I went to college in America, I’ve always loved it, but I could never set foot in it again. I feel only despair. Thank you for all you’ve done in the past.

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  37. While we didn't get the results we wanted, there is still a nice little bit of positive news out of Delaware. Sarah McBride, a transgender woman, was elected to Congress! She's the first trans woman in Congress -- good for you, Sarah!

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  38. For all of us crossdressers and freestylers (those of us who use their real masculine names such as myself) let's continue to incorporate clothing and grooming outside the stuffy coffin sized conventions for men. The last time I wore trousers was for my mother's funeral over a month ago. And before that, in April, I wore trousers to get up on the roof to replace shingles.
    Once again, I have NEVER been harrased, let alone threatened for wearing dresses. And that's in the DFW area of the red state of Texas.

    John

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  39. A few weeks ago, on October 15, a post was published on this blog listing the countries that follow the blog. There was some surprise that the first country was China.
    With this comment I want to point out that this blog is not only followed in the United States. You have the right to close the blog due to the result of the recent elections that took place in your country and the subsequent disappointment due to the lack of rights that are coming. I live in Spain, social control towards us exists, however there are laws that protect us.
    When you think about closing your blog, remember that not all of us are under opposing governments and yet we feel embraced by your work.
    Thank you, and good luck.

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  40. Shutting down is not the answer, Stana. Hiding is never the way to succeed. It is time for us to stand tall on our heels and defy the bigots. If the black liberation movement had not defied their oppressors in the 1960s, we would now live in a very different world.

    Sissy Dani

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  41. Joining the chorus of voices to say thank you for all that you have achieved and done for the whole community.

    Though I am not in the US, I can empathise and sympathise - the potential dangers represented by the recent election are palpable and will likely embolden others in positions of power across the world - certainly across the Pond. Selfishly, I would love you to continue, to snub your nose and continue to be a rallying point. Maybe even a nexus of peaceful but powerful resistance. That said, such positions are dangerous, especially when considering things that have been said by and around your President-Elect, so I fully understand why you might choose another, safer, path.

    I hope you know that you are not alone. I hope you know the lives you touched. I know you helped me more than I suspect you could ever know.

    Joanna

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  42. What!?!?
    Yours is the first posting I read in the morning. I will be lost without it.
    Please continue it.

    John Smythe
    Glen Rock, NJ

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  43. Please dont! In the darkness, we need all the light we can find, and your's shines brightly.

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  44. If you want to wait and see the situation before you update again, I can understand that, but I don't think shutting the site down is the right move. I read the comments here and see that the experiences many have are very positive; how many have experienced a worsening climate themselves vs how many have just read about it? I genuinely wonder because too often I'm told by media I shouldn't believe my own eyes …
    Now, I do think we'll see things change and happen the next weeks, but I don't believe there should be anything to fear; people don't suddenly change their behaviour.

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  45. Allow me to add my voice to this discussion. This blog does SO much more than simply encourage folks to go out en femme. It has been a source of education - how to tips, history of crossdressing, trans history. You have uplifted those who are just realizing they aren't alone in their desire to crossdress. You have provided entertainment, various view points on pertinent issues, and a Safe Haven for those of us who simply want to be who we are. I understand your concern, and I respect your decision - but I implore you not to act too rashly. This same attitude prevailed after the 2016 election, and we survived.

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  46. Hi Stana. It is certainly your choice to abandon the blog and I understand your right to do so. However is it so sad to me to see you go, you have meant so much to our community over the years. I have thought the same thing about my blog but in the words of my trans grandchild, thanks for always supporting me and being myself, I knew I had to keep putting one foot in front of the other and survive as my true self.
    Whatever you ultimately consider, I hope you are at rest with it.

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  47. So in today's Feedspot ;Sarah McBride is the first trans gal elected to the US House of Representees. What does that tell you? If you present well in all respects, and do good things, this country is wonderfully accepting. Self government is what we have, the pendulum will swing, but checking out is no solution. Be a good citizen, respect others feelings, and live you life.

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  48. Stana - your reaction is EXACTLY what the evil powers want. If we all throw up our hands and surrender, they win. Now is the time to stand up and be counted,.
    I'm hurting too. But planning to act, not cower. Be strong. - Juliet

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  49. Please do not! Have enjoyed this for years!

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  50. I can’t for the life of me figure out where all this hate from the left is coming from. I’m a conservative crossdresser and who you’ve even featured a picture of here on you’re blog and I have felt less safe going out in the last four years than I ever did under the previous Trump administration. The nearest larger city near me where I enjoyed going out is Minneapolis and after the 2020 riots the city has become a crime ridden dump thanks to Tim Walz!! Where has Trump ever stated that he was against the LGBTQ community? You do know that he was the first President to have an openly gay member of his cabinet don’t you? The only issue most of us on the right is the trans women competing in women’s sports.

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    1. I went back and refreshed my memory on that link, and some more, and … unfortunately much of what I've read isn't quite the truth. Much has been debunked even by left-leaning fact-checkers. As for Project 2025, it's not part of Trump's agenda; he's said he's seen it – and didn't like it.
      Personally, I've discovered that I can't just trust anyone about anything without seeing it backed up by the full facts, not just carefully selected snippets to fit an agenda, no matter which way it leans. I want to be fully informed by it all and learn the truth. And with that in mind, I don't fear the future at all, quite the opposite when things calm down.

      It's your blog and you do with it as you like, but honestly, I believe that if you shut it down, you'll regret it later. Better to just take a little pause, and maybe have guest bloggers add their thoughts if they want to.

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    2. I don't share your fear of the future.
      Remember how Trump, before he decided to run for president, was loved by everyone? And he supported and enjoyed all kinds of people, and yes, including LGBTQ+ – and he was the first presidential candidate who didn't mind gay marriage; people should be able to marry whomever they wanted without the government interfering.
      And the LGBTQ people who have met him, spoken with him and know him (yes, they do exist) do not think he's transphobic or anti-trans. He does want to protect children from adult material and decisions, and doesn't want biological males to compete in women's sports – because of the biological advantages the difference makes.
      And no, I don't think he's a puppet that's easily swayed away from his values, and let someone "sneak in" bad decisions, be it from Project 2025 or otherwise.

      So to Stana: I still hope you won't take down this blog, there's too much positivity here to just let it disappear.

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    3. Trump was not loved by everyone. Many of us remember him as being a preening, bloviating fool, going back to the 80s. We also remember his racism. The Obama birth certificate nonsense should have disqualified from ever seeking office. Mark Burnett, the related show genius who created Survivor, and his team invented the illusion of Trump as successful businessman. Read Lucky Loser for more details. Many people were fooled, but if you didn’t watch The Appentice, you had a pretty good idea of the kind of incompetent jerk Trump was (and is).

      Delete
  51. Over reacting is not the way to go here! Take a break, and recover if you must. Seems a bit too radical going away since you are leaning to do so. Who can take a leaders place if the one in charge just leaves? You know you are a beacon.

    ReplyDelete
  52. If you had said you're shutting down your blog because it was time for you to retire and go fishing, I could understand. However, to just fold your tent and disappear because The Orange Kool-Aid man won the election does not make sense. At 77 years old I went through the "dark Ages" when homosexuals and cross dressers were discriminated against and targets of physical violence. Personally, it is my choice to primarily be an in-home cross dresser, but I always defend the right of all to not hide out of fear. I know it is a cliche, but I'll throw it out there. I have a Purple Heart with an Oak Leaf Cluster and live with a reminder of how that occurred more than fifty years ago. I have skin in the game and nobody is going to diminish the dues I paid to play.

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  53. I will miss your blog but I fully understand how you feel. It's very painful to have any sort of social media presence in a country that is literally ruled by hate.
    :( Oak

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  54. I posted 12 hours ago but it failed to appear!

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  55. Stana, you have created not just a wonderful blog, but an online community. Please don't let that community die.
    Best Wishes,
    Penny from Edinburgh.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Good day, Stana!
    I, probably, like many of your subscribers, was scared by your decision to close the blog. In my opinion, closing is a defeat. You recently gave a list of countries where your blog is loved and appreciated. There are countries for which your blog is a ray of light and hope. In Russia now, for the appearance of en feminne, can be fined half a year's salary and, most likely, fired from work. Otherwise, the employer, for supporting an LGBT person, faces a much more serious fine. And this is nothing compared to the truly terrible some another contries.
    Don't close the blog, please, don't lose hope. This is only Trump and in just four years.

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  57. Stana, please don't go - you set a wonderful example for people like myself who just want to blend in with society at large. While I do not want to get political, I have no doubt that appointing someone such as Sam Brinton as a government official did a great deal of harm to "the cause". Even I expect my government officials to have some gravitas and to know right from wrong to be able to take them seriously...

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  58. Stana, it’s rich that you are getting lectured by trump supporters on this blog, people who knowingly voted for a man of low character, who publicly mocked disabled reporters, raped women, cheated on his taxed, abuses people in public, spouts xenophobia hate, undermined democracy, and plans to do even worse with his Project 2025. Trump is an accurate reflection of the people who voted for him - racist and misogynistic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Every one of those things you claim about him is a damn lie

      Delete
  59. Politicians say whatever they need to get elected. The media of both sides gins up hatred of the other. They tell us what to see and hear, but we all have the ability to do this ourselves.

    I’ve a sort of adopted family that is very diverse. Some are blood relatives, some have married in, others just sort of wandered in like myself. Beyond that, some are rabidly religious right wing. Some are more Reagan conservative. Some are back to the land hippies. Some are far left socialist, protesting every cause under the sun. Some are old school union democrats.

    In summer, they have an almost monthly picnic. Birthdays and graduations are celebrated. Deaths are mourned with celebrations of life. No one fights. Everyone gets along regardless of the sign on their lawn. If a car breaks, the MAGA shirts help fix it along side the tie dye shirts. (Not a metaphor, I’ve seen this). And this has occurred for years. Under Bush, Obama, Trump, or Biden, the mood has never changed.
    Last year, one of them stepped out as F to M trans. Then threw a cherry on top by showing up with their new partner. a M to F trans woman.

    And……. nothing exciting has happened, but reactions are not what you may think. The right wing side does not love the situation, but accepts them just the same. Those on the left are not exactly cheering them on either. They are accepting and trying to figure things out too. Out in the corner of that field, there is no tele, and phones get no reception. Not everyone loves the situation, and no one is repulsed. This is not a cause or political issue. It’s their brother, their son, their cousin, their friend
    And you will never hear anything like this on the news. It’s boring. There is no feud. No one threw their trans child out in the snow. The liberal store owner has not refused to sell beer to those with Trump bumper stickers. The conservatives still plow a driveway with a marijuana flag on the mail box. The trans couple has not started to indoctrinate the children. People say a lot of things when viewing things on a screen, but when confronted with a reality, I do believe the majority of people treat other people like people. The regime has changed, but I do not think everyone has changed that much.

    Norah

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    Replies
    1. Wise words those. Most of my friends are much the same way. I have no doubt that the ones that do not know about my other side would accept me simply because I am the same non-idiot (IMHO) that they currently know - just a bit more fashionable...

      Delete
    2. I am an active member of a Bible believing conservative Episcopalian church in the DFW area of the red state of Texas. On Sunday mornings I wear a dress, makeup, painted nails and, frequently, heels. I also sing second bass in my church choir. I am accepted for what I am.
      I mourn Stana shutting down the blog, but if she does so, that will not make me go back to wearing only "mens" clothes.

      John

      Delete
  60. I hope you dont. Here in Michigan we have the Elliott-Larsen Civil rights act. This is a law that was created by our legislature and updated by our Supreme Court. It’s illegal in Michigan to discriminate against people who are LGBT as well as all of the usual things. I’m retired and have spent the last two weeks as Susan. No one has given me any hassles. A man opened and held a door for me at a restaurant. He called me miss.

    73, Susan

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    Replies
    1. I, on the other hand, wearing a dress, heels, and makeup will hold the door open for a lady who might be wearing trousers and flat shoes, as I'm a gentleman.

      John

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  61. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elliott-Larsen_Civil_Rights_Act

    73, Susan

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  62. Thank You Stana for providing this forum all these years, for your support and encouragement and for the incredible example you have set for all of us in this diverse community. And thanks for publishing the articles I wrote several years ago as well photos I've submitted. As sad as I am about your decision I find myself in agreement with you, in fact last night my wife woke me up to ask that I don't go out anymore or at the very least limit my outings to very safe events and venues. I agreed with her and since I've gained a few pounds along with arthritis setting in, and aging having an affect on my appearance I've decided the time has come to place most of my wardrobe on consignment or donate it to Goodwill or thrift stores. I'll keep a few outfits though. It has indeed been fun but there is a time for everything to change and the election of this ugly excuse for a human being and his hateful rhetoric is my unhappy motivation. May you all find health and happiness expressing yourselves in the future, but as Stana said our safety is now very much in question. Best Wishes to All.

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  63. Oops, forgot to add my name, Jeanine Williams, to my post.

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  64. When the going gets tough, quit.

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  65. My wife thinks that the democrats are going to cut ties with us. Probably a good thing to go into hiding again. I think the democrats are going to hang us out to dry. Already some rumblings.

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  66. Jayne BayswaterNovember 07, 2024

    The MAGA types on here whining about Stana’s decision: you voted for hatred, accept the consequences.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually we voted AGAINSt HATRED.....And WE are fed up with the AUGUST NAZI hatemongers.
      I as one of the Republican Campaign workers since the 1960s have had enough of it......

      SARA

      Delete
    2. Sometimes you have to select the lesser of two evils. Many of us truly believed Kamala Harris was not qualified to be President.
      I wear dresses exclusively here in the red state of Texas, and have NEVER been insulted and harassed, let alone be threatened.

      John

      Delete
    3. The lesser of two evils? The man tried to overthrow the government and seize power?

      Delete
    4. Have the guts to show a name, preferably your real name as I do. And there is anecdotal evidence some cheating went on to elect Biden in 2020. About January 6 protest: Trump asked for the National Guard to ensure order but Nancy Pelosi declined. Also, Trump urged peace for the demonstration.

      John

      Delete
    5. Jayne BayswaterNovember 08, 2024

      John you’re deluded. One day they’ll come for you.

      Why don’t you tell us you sing second bass again? That’ll make you feel better.

      Delete
  67. Please quit with the fear-mongering. Nothing will change. We won't be persecuted. We won't be locked up in internment camps. Life will go on as before.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your blog
      Your decision
      If you continue I will be pleased to continue reading
      If you “go dark” I will understand and support.

      Delete
  68. Illegitimi non carborundum aka Don’t Let The Bastards Grind You Down.Please don’t quit,Stana....your site is the most wonderful to behold for fellows like us,worldwide.I speak from England.

    ReplyDelete
  69. "In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
    And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”
    ― Albert Camus

    Please don't despair, Stana.

    ReplyDelete
  70. This would be a terrible shame. I plan to carry on, thanks certainly to your leadership in this cause. I guess it depends on where you live, but I do not want to go away.

    ReplyDelete
  71. You’re right to go dark, Stana. The comments of the trump lovers here show just how right you are.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And you are not brave enough to show a name, let alone your real name. I, on the other hand, use my real name and avatar.

      John

      Delete
    2. The vitriol and name calling here by literals is enough to keep me away, and I just found the place.

      Delete
  72. Stana, thanks so much for your blog. I hope you know that my sharing your stories, you’ve also helped create a wonderful community. It must be difficult to blog every day. I’m grateful for what you’ve already given us. I will be sad if you stop posting but will understand. You’re more than entitled.

    Trump’s election is a disaster, especially for those already marginalized. It’s likely Trump will pull the US out of the Paris Climate Agreement and attempt to reverse the progress that’s been made by the Biden administration. Long term, that will make Trump’s re-election a catastrophe for all of us.

    Having said that, while life will probably get worse for transgender people, I don’t think things will change much for crossdressers, especially the mature crossdressers who make up a significant portion of your blog’s audience. Because we’re older, society doesn’t view us as a threat or even worth thinking about. There will still be young yahoos who will try to intimidate and threaten us, but I don’t think we’re going to see a big uptick in problems for crossdressers.


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are absolutely correct

      Delete
    2. You are absolutely correct

      Delete
  73. I always enjoy this blog. the work you dedicate is incredible. I hope that it can continue.

    Lily, Belgium

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  74. Something to note: The Amish, who don't traditionally don't vote, took the effort to register to vote, and overwhelmingly voted for Trump. The federal government and the state of Pennsylvania, under the Democrats, increasingly interfered into the lives of the Amish.

    John

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    Replies
    1. A vote for Trump was a vote for government to “interfere” with women’s reproductive rights. So much for the party of limited government.

      Delete
  75. Stana, I feel your pain and you are right to do with your site however you please. Just one thing to consider.

    Casa Susana was a refuge for us gender variants in a very difficult time. In this difficult time, maybe Casa Stana is that refuge 2.0. I visit this site every morning with a cup of coffee and it makes me smile and gives my courage. Thank you for all you have done for the community.
    -Christina

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  76. Stana, that's your life and your country. I'll respect any your decision. You did a lot for me. For several years I'm starting my morning with reading your blog.
    I cannot consider going out in my country. It's like living for more than a half of life under the power of someone really trumpish. Your blog for me is an evidence that life can be really different.
    Anyway thank you a lot! You were supporting me as noone before.

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  77. I will so miss you Stana. :( I hope GOP voters were more concerned with their pocketbooks, rather than their LGBT issues. It will get better, but I'm looking down from more liberal Canada. Hugs to all my American sisters.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When you have a hard time putting food on the table and fuel in your vehicle's tank, you will look for a change. I don't think LGBT issues matter much to most Republicans, as only a small part of the public is concerned about the issue.

      John

      Delete
  78. Frankly, I think this is an act of cowardice. I understand the safety, as someone who would never go out on my street en femme, but shutting down the blog, esp. for international readers like me (in Ireland).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow! That comment will win you friends and influence people!

      Delete
    2. Clearly you aren't someone who should point fingers

      Delete
    3. Stana, that is your choice to shut down the blog. I really appreciated your time and effort you dedicated to this blog. I have tried to convince you to continue this blog, but ultimately it's your choice. To repeat, overwhelmingly I present en femme in public. It's quite rare that I present en homme. Take care,

      John

      Delete
  79. At this point better to be brave in the face of radicalism. Many of you here are part timers and will likely be ok with keeping a low profile but I encourage not to shrink in front of the hatred of this coming administration. These people are small minded and trying to push back against something they know deep down they cannot win. Youth is already on the march and they have a confidence thanks to this new era that we didn't.

    The easy thing is to go back to hiding but most people are decent and, as I have found in my own social transition, the average person does not want you to be unhappy. Most want to see someone confident in their own skin.

    Take a deep breath and grieve this election result for a bit and then join the fight by pushing back against intolerance and hate by doing your part to counter it.

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  80. I don't see this happening overnight and as seen on the Olympics a transgender man in woman's boxing has shown how much stronger they are. The guy couldn't make it in his group and he had to switch to try to win an a medal. That is not a person who feels they are a roman trapped inside a man's body. The Dems are crushed naturally and the finger pointing has begun. Stana, I am sure you are upset but you do in. credible work and have given courage to so many of us. Take a break and go shop for new shoes. Hugs Brenda.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Imane Khelif is not transgender (which would make her a transgender woman not a man). She is female and this is the type of side issue which had little to do with the loss of the election but feeds red meat to haters who don't know any better

      Delete
    2. I am firmly opposed to anybody who has undergone male puberty participating in women's sports. I have been on estrogen for over 13 years and yet I can do things that a typical 72 year old cis woman would be hard pressed to do. Last week I saw a young woman struggling to pick up a 44 pound bag of dog food. I, in a dress, asked if I could help. Without much effort I picked up the bag and put the bag into her cart. And about a year ago I drove an 8 foot ground rod into the ground and felt no soreness afterwards. - John

      Delete
    3. She was born female there was no transition.

      Delete
  81. I understand how you feel.

    You have been a great voice and your legacy can't be "He won, I give up."

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  82. Hi Stana,

    I wanted to thank you for all of the hard work that you put into your blog over the years and for all that I have gotten from it. We are only a couple of months apart in age but from different coasts so lived through the same history.

    I am out all the time so did not need any prodding or confidence building with my crossdressing but benefited from many of the historical links (Club 82) and the others you provided.

    I urge you to give your exit decision some more thought because the dark picture you paint I don't believe exists at least to the extent you state. I travel for my crossdressing monthly so I get some perspective on how I am received in public.

    I classify it by generation starting with those like us born in the 1950's who are fading with time and have better things to worry about than crossdressers. As you move up each generation there is more acceptance all the way up to the 20 somethings of today who think it is pretty cool. They take the majority of the pictures I post of me online and seem to enjoy it. That is why I don't think you need to worry about your readers.

    I know writing a blog everyday is grind which is why I only do it when I have something to talk about that inspires me. You were obviously driven to write your blog in the first place so much that you did it for so many years.

    Instead of shutting it down consider after a break post only when it appeals to you and only on positive subjects. Historical subjects like Stonewall and Compton's Cafeteria are not positive topics but the changes that came from them are. I think you could really have a positive impact on younger folks who have no idea what things were like back then.

    Just my 1 1/2 cents.

    Think about it,

    Micki Finn

    ReplyDelete
  83. I was sorry to read of your decision. Although I doubt that Trump himself cares much one way or the other about LGBTQ+ issues - he's far too narcissistically preoccupied with his own interests - I'm sure there are those around him who will do their best to promote "traditional family values" and will try to suppress the teaching of liberal, egalitarian values in American schools.

    But they can't turn back the clock and erase half a century of progress. They can't push people back into the closet. Even conservatives have LGBTQ+ relatives and they know they're... just people. I don't believe the incoming administration will take away equal marriage rights, and I don't believe they will - to any noticeable extent - persecute trans people either. The opposition will be too strong.

    The "land of the free" may be a myth but there's a grain of truth in it. Stay strong.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't forget Justice Thomas has already called for a review of the decisions favorable to same-sex marriage. The executive branch can sit on its hands and let the "Red" state governors do the dirty work and litigate to SCOTUS.

      Delete
    2. Stana, please don't shut your blog down. I always look forward to your daily posts. Your light-hearted commentary on the trials and tribulations of MTF crossdressing help put things into perspective. I don't agree with your politics, but that doesn't mean that I don't enjoy what you post. You are an artist. Don't let this election shut your talent off.

      Delete
    3. I'll point out that the clock was turned back fifty on reproductive rights for women. Conservative women have ectopic pregnancies and get raped too.

      Delete
  84. You will be sorely missed. You have been one of my morning stops as I start my day. I may still be mostly in the closet, I have half a foot out, your post reminded me that there are others that have similar feelings.
    I hope our paths cross again somewhere on the internet someday.
    I will not say goodbye, but rather 'til I hear from you again.
    Steve D

    ReplyDelete
  85. Stana, please don't shut down this blog. You have been my daily go to blog for years and as a life long crossdresser from the UK I have been continuously inspired by your ongoing journey, your candour, humour and inspiration. What we do and how we present in our lives may stir controversy or disdain amongst the less enlightened in society but equally there is a lot of support out there and im sure this blip will not racically change things. It's 2024 not 1984 after all. Regardless of the outcome of the election life has to go on and the world needs to accept us for who we are. I understand if you need to take a break to consolidate and think about 'what next' but please come back ! Sam, an out and about trans girl from the UK.

    ReplyDelete
  86. Stana, I have been reading your blog for many years but this is the first time I have entered a comment. You have meant so much to me as I gradually learned to accept and now really appreciate the girl/woman that I first became aware of at about the age of 10 years old - and I am now 79. My story is similar to so many who have shared their comments here - and it has helped me to know I’m not alone. Please don’t let the haters bully you into shutting down. I am so glad I came out as Linda to a few good friends after 50 years of hiding. Yes we need to be careful, but almost always the civilians I have met have been welcoming and curious. Of course, I respect whatever decision you make - but please let’s not hide our light. Thanks for being there. Linda

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  87. Oooooh Stana please carry on don't give up I want to go to casa Stana in my finest looking beautiful family reading your fine logic text

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  88. Thank you, Stana. I have been reading and learning from your "Femulate" for many years. Hopefully, after a break, the time will come when you can once again be a beacon for our world-wide community. Vivien.

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  89. Please don't go. Don't let them win.

    ReplyDelete
  90. Stana, I agree. I'm sad to think that the vibrant community of Casa Stana will become quiet but clearly things aren't as advanced as we believed.

    It's sad to see the true colors or our neighbors coming through but the rumblings have been getting louder.

    I'm old.

    I'm tired.

    I don't know if, at 59 I'm ready to fight for my existence and try to survive without Social Security in my future. I've contributed to that safety net for thirty something years with the misguided expectation that it would be there for me as it was for my parents and grandparents.

    I'm saddened by your decision but fully understand and respect the choice you'll make. I admit that I'm also thinking that I'll not add more to my own blog.

    It's obvious that what I learned in school isn't real life: We the People, Government of the People by the People," the theory of the melting pot, equality, acceptance, Rowe v. Wade, bodily autonomy, civil rights all were a fleeting experiment.

    We all need to remember to put our own wellbeing first and I'm as guilty as anyone of not taking care of me first. These last two years where I've been out, have been mostly good but the writing is on the wall.

    I went to a medical visit on Tuesday. Would you believe that my blood pressure is elevated again. My weight is rising. I cannot afford to get the care I need because of outrageous co-pays. Gee, I wonder why my blood pressure is up?!

    Thank you for always being an inspiration for our young sisters (and older gurls like me) and hopefully the youngsters will have a brighter future than what I'm seeing.
    Please take care of yourself and family to the best of your ability.

    Heather.

    ps. It's amazin.. Nah, it's not even worth saying what I was going to add.

    ReplyDelete
  91. You've done this before Stana (more than a few times). You'll be back. Too much ego on the line. Hey, why not, strokes from your people are nice.
    Your fan.
    Angel Amore

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  92. Your decision of course, but please reconsider! Ther needs to be a strong resistance and it has already been forming. Join it in your own inimicable way!

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  93. Dear Stana: I have no words to express my feelings and above all my gratitude towards you for everything you have given me on your blog over the years. I send you a big hug from Spain, and I hope to read new entries on your blog when you feel more secure. Times pass, and I trust that better ones will come.

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  94. Thank you for all the time (years and decades) and effort that you have put into this blog. Your blog is an inspiration and affirmation of diversity. Your in person work for the LGBT+ community has also carried that message of diversity and acceptance and celebration to young people who need to put a face to what previously was just another topic in their curriculum.
    I hope that you will be back, yet at the same time you certainly deserve a break and these indeed seem like dark times.
    Recently heard the historian Timothy Schneider talk about freedom, tyranny and democracy. His 1st point in resisting tyranny is don’t obey in advance.
    Wishing you well, Jenn

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  95. From a veteran to other veterans: "Thank You for Your Service" and defending the rights of people to freely express their belief under the First Amendment. Men and women did not go to war, get wounded or die so oppressors can force others into silence.

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