Whoever heard of a naked CD? What fun would that be? As CDs, we need appropriate clothing for our femme self. Where to get that clothing can be an event that is fraught with hazards. We need a place to shop. We can choose to do that online or we can do it in person at a woman’s clothing store.
Online Shopping
Doing your femme shopping online is pretty easy. You browse through page after page of beautiful outfits until you spot something that fits your needs. A few further clicks and you’ve completed the order. Then comes the hard part – waiting.
Of course, there are risks in online shopping. Especially if you are deep in the closet and don’t want your family to know. How will the goods get delivered? If they come to your house, can you grab the package quickly? Or should you have it delivered elsewhere?
Remember also that once you buy something online the merchant has captured your information. They now know your name, address, email address, credit card information and exactly what you bought. They will most likely use that to try to sell you more stuff. Will it be a problem if mail addressed to you from a woman’s clothing store starts showing up at your house? Did you give them your male or female name for the order and is that an issue for you?
But perhaps the biggest issue with buying a piece of women’s clothing online is you don’t know if it will work for you. There are many pitfalls to be aware of. The item might look great in the picture online, but will the real item match that? Is the model in the picture representative of what you will look like when dressed? Is the product of good quality and craftsmanship?
What about getting the right size? In some of my previous installments of Stuff, I talked about sizes and how they can vary considerably from one maker to another. Pay close attention to any size charts for that item and how your measurements mesh with what they think you should be. When one of my GG friends, Alicia, isn’t sure what size to order, she gets two in different sizes and then returns the one that doesn’t fit right. Of course, the final test is how does it look on you.
Once last tip about online shopping, be sure you know the return policy.
In-Person Shopping
Going shopping at a woman’s clothing store is harder for most of us. The major dilemma is do we go as a guy or as a girl self. For some, that depends on how well we “pass” and how confident we are in our femme persona. I admit that I haven’t yet gone clothes shopping while dressed as JJ. I feel I need to work on my presentation and confidence a bit more before I take that step. But that doesn’t stop me from shopping in the ladies department as my guy self.
Remember, just because you are a guy doesn’t mean you can’t buy women’s clothing. The stores do not have rules that require a gender check before they will sell you women’s clothing. Don’t bother making up a story to explain why you are doing it either. The sales agents aren’t going to believe it as they have heard it all before.
If you need help, simply explain what you are looking for. You don’t have to say it is for you. Just say you need a top that matches the skirt you just picked up. You’ll find that cultivating a relationship with a sales associate will make future visits easier as well.
If you are shopping en femme, then be sure to try things on in the store. It’s much simpler to check the fit right there. If the size is wrong, you can just grab a size that fits better. If it doesn't look great on you, then just leave it rather than having to go through the whole routine to return an online purchase.
How Does It Look?
So you’ve braved the women’s shopping world and have secured that prized item. Now comes the really hard part. Trying it on and objectively judging if it is right for you. That means you need to put on the appropriate shapewear. A top won’t look right without boobs. Skirts or pants won’t look right without hips or a feminine butt. Get everything on and look in a full-length mirror. Look hard. Take photos. Did it turn out as good as you hoped? If so, yay! Find a place for it in your closet. If not, return it. Life is too short for bad clothes.
I’ll Be Back
There will be more Stuff. As always comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff so if there is something you would like to read about please let me know!
 |
| Wearing Lafayette 148 |
 |
| Shopping out and about, Lynn Jones of Yet Another Transgender Blog fame. |
Remember, when online shopping, Amazon has lockers at convenience stores and the like you can have it sent to. The wife won't see the box come to your home.
ReplyDeleteJJ here - that's a great option for those that need to be circumspect in their on line purchases.
DeleteAlso, it’s simple to use Amazon gift cards. Just purchase one in cash at the value you need and then enter it on your account. I set up an account under my femme name. It’s completely anonymous this way.
DeletePresenting a convincing feminine image takes work, planning, discipline, and dedication. If you do nothing, nothing will change. You will be stuck in that cycle of guilt and regret. If you decide to take that step, you will find that your fears were unfounded. This was my experience and also dozens of other girls I have talked to. We all wonder, “What were we afraid of?”
ReplyDeleteI wrote an article about shopping a few years back for those of you might be interested here it is
http://www.femulate.org/2012/09/theyre-for-me_23.html
Paula G
JJ Here - Thanks for making this point Paula. It's easy for us to think "what were we afraid of". Not so easy if you haven't done it yet. Thanks for the link back to your original story as well.
DeleteThere was a resale shop on Chicago's South Side that I frequented until it was closed. The owner welcomed girls like us. We could come dressed or change at her shop. I opted to change in one of her dressing rooms. When I'd emerge usually I'd hear the owner say, "Marnie, I have a dress that I'd love for you to try on"
ReplyDeleteMy heart would skip a beat when she said that. One time when I was in one of her dresses contemplating whether or not to buy it she offered a fur coat for me to put on. I sighed and said that I could never justify buying it because I'd never wear it.
She laughed and said, "that's ok, but slip it on just for fun."
I had on sheer black pantyhose underneath the silk dress I had on. Looking at my leg's reflection in the mirror from underneath the fur was so delightful. I kept thinking that for a few moments I was really a girl and it felt so nice. I bought the silk dress, but reluctantly did not buy the coat, but I thanked my host for the experience!
Marnie
I think I know this place. The lady passed away. I’m on the south side too.
DeleteOn Western and 95th? Fun shop, but it's been gone at least 15 years
DeleteI worked at Evergreen Plaza.
DeleteI worked at Baker Shoes at Evergreen Plaza. Waited on all the female impersonators. That’s what they were called back then.
DeleteJJ here - what a great experience. Sounds like some others had visited there as well.
DeleteIt's Marnie again. Once I was in the dressing room and a female customer came into the shop. I waited a while, but finally decided to come out to see how the dress had on looked.
DeleteThe customer looked at me and said, "you have nice legs."
She knew I was a boy, but it was a fun moment.
"Don’t bother making up a story to explain why you are doing it either..."
ReplyDeleteIsn't there an old saying of "a liar needs to explain to sell the line"?
If anyone is worried what the sales staff think, please think on the below.
Firstly, it's your money and if you don't get the service you need, feel free to move on. There are accepting and supportive business out there, so try to sort the better ones if you can.
In the times I've been shopping in bloke mode - either buying for myself or for my wife - most assistants seen to assume a man is buying for someone else. Well, except shoes, apparently. 🙂 So I'm often asked what size is my partner wants etc. TBH, if it's been for me, I've just been honest and said so. I don't recall any reaction other than 'okay, how about...' type of thing.
On buying some hold up tights, the store owner said as I was paying, "I could tell these weren't for you because you came in, said hello, asked straight away, and bought something." I didn't want to correct her as I was being curious, so I asked how could she tell. She explained that in her experience, men buying lingerie or hosiery for themselves, will either scuttle into the shop and spend ages. Or, they'll wait outside, maybe making two attempts to get the courage to come in. So, maybe don't scuttle or lurk 🙂 Be brave, walk in, and ask nicely 🤞
PS: Thanks for the photo feature, Stana
JJ here - Great experience Lynn. Confidence goes a long way when in these situations.
DeleteOng I've never gone out shopping for all my beautiful dress and heels I just need to have some girlfriends like me to take me out shopping and go to sephoras for a GOURGOUS makeover I'm single live alone and JUST LOVE TO DRESS AND BE PRETTY ALL DAY I FEEL SO SO FEMININE AND VERY VERY HAPPY WHEN I DRESS
ReplyDeleteJJ Here - yes it is nice to have the company of other girlfriends to shop with. To do that we need to "out" ourselves. To make friends with others and get to that level. Not an easy thing to do but the rewards are worth it.
DeleteGreat post JJ! With customer service sort of lacking these days in so many arenas, I seldom have had any sales associate in clothing stores come over to me, or they just ask if you need help, and leave you alone if you do not. I can only think of one time where I took girls clothing to a male dressing room, and an older woman attending to the area counted my items and gave me a number tag with a sneering look. That said, it still always made me feel funny shopping en homme, unless it was Christmas time.
ReplyDeleteShopping en femme has been totally different. I’ve already walked in there in the whole nine yards. Trying on a coat in the middle of the store, asking where something is, or asking if another store may have this in my size does not phase me at that point and seems strangely normal.
I’ve never worried about what a credit card company will think. They don’t know you. Husbands give their cards to wives, children use parents’s cards, etc. John Doe buying or ordering from Ann Taylor, will raise no attention.
If anonymity is truly that important, buy a visa gift card with cash, and use that. You can also ship items to a UPS store, FedEx store, or private mailing center and they will hold it for you for a small fee. I make no claims that this is helpful for your marriage, but we are all in our own situations, and even if your wife knows, you may have children you are both hiding this from.
Norah
Jj ehre. Very good suggestions Norah. And thanks for the kind words.
DeleteOkay JJ, I totally disagree with your comment about needing to be better at presentation... trust me, you would have no issue shopping as JJ! I personally know both you and your "twin" and JJ presents just fine! You should give it a go... heck, I'd join you!!! 😄👗👗👗
ReplyDeleteThanks for the kind words Kathryn. Your check is in the mail. ;)
DeleteI'll at one more comment. Look at the reviews on the product. What do other customers say. Can be very incidful.
ReplyDeleteI have used the fitting rooms a several Victoria's Secretes, even waiting in-line in male mode with incident. I have tried on clothing and used their fitting without problem.
Once you find a brand that you like, you can shop more on-line and be confident in the sizes.
I wear heels, so walking into a woman's shoe store, I get attention fast, usually better that the other customers because they can see I am a serious shopper.
My rule of thumb is at 90% of the women's clothes I buy I must be able to wear to work.
Typo that's "without incident"
DeleteI have not mustered the courage to shop en femme, so it is catalogue shopping for moi. I am tall (six footer) and 200 pounds which translates to being a tall woman. The problem is most dresses are made for the average woman's height. I can never find a dress that has a defined waist that fits correctly. They all look like some old guy who has hit belt hiked up to his nipple line. So, it's empire waists and sheath dresses for me. Fortunately, most retailers and e-commence sellers, ebay included, give sufficient measurements, especially dress length. Taking into consideration the curvature of the body at the shoulders I can determine where the hem of the dress will hit; above or below the knee, maxi or midi length. Once I found maxi-length summer dresses that actually hit the top of my feet which was totally surprising. As a young adult male being six foot one was an asset attracting young women. Now, it would be great to be an aged five foot six woman to totally fly under the radar.
ReplyDeleteI've been a long time frequent purchaser of pantyhose. In the old days, I would "buy them for my gf/wife" or put them in with a pile of other products I was purchasing and pray the SA wouldn't discuss them. Nowadays I often use the anonymity of self checkout kiosks. However, a few years ago Nordstrom was selling a patterned pair that I just HAD to have, and this time I mustered the courage to tell the SA they were for me and we ended up having a lovely brief conversation about the hosiery fashion industry. Sometimes you just need to take that first step🥰
ReplyDeleteWhen I crossdress, I just go as a man in a skirt/dress. I am presenting male, and acting male. There is no passing. Sometimes, I can tell that someone is inexperienced with guys like me, and they look nervous. Many people look and move on, as if I were on crutches or something only slightly unusual.
ReplyDeleteI was once advised to lift my head up as though I am in charge, and people will get out of your way. This was not said in reference to crossdressing, but it seems to apply here as well. :)
Joey