Monday, August 26, 2024

Stuff: Ladies’ Room Etiquette

By J.J. Atwell

When you need to go when you are out

Those of us who go out in public as our girl self will need to answer the call of nature at some point.  When dressed, there are a couple of options, but the most obvious is to use the ladies’ room. I suppose you could use the men’s room, but that might not be safe. You might also look for a companion or single-sex facility, but that might not be an option at the time. 

So what should I know?

It will most likely be cleaner than the men’s rooms you are familiar with. That’s nice. You’ll find a bunch of stalls, a lot of sinks and mirrors. Exactly what you probably expect to find. You might also see a floral arrangement and tissues. There might also be a dispenser for various feminine products. 

Depending on where you are when the need arrises, you might be faced with a line to get in. It shouldn’t come as any surprise to you that women do take longer in the bathroom than guys do. Somehow that fact has escaped the notice of most architects when they design buildings and there are just not enough ladies’ facilities. This is especially true if you are at a sports stadium, theater or concert venue where there is a rush during breaks.  

OK, so there’s a line. Don’t let that bother you. Assume your place in the line and once you get to the front, the next stall is yours. Hang your purse on the hook on the back of the door and sit down to do your business. Once done, double-check to make sure you’ve rearranged your clothing correctly. Step out of the stall and go to the sink to wash your hands and perhaps, inspect your makeup. It might be time to reapply some lipstick. But try not to monopolize the facilities. Others need it, too. Just do a quick check and then go back out the door. And do check out yourself in the full-length mirror to be sure everything is in order.

Respect

Remember, this is traditionally a women‘s-only place. They typically view it as a safe place. You are an interloper. Be polite and considerate. Don’t shake that view for them. 

Sometimes there will be people talking in there while other times it’s silent. My GG friend Alicia says for her it all depends on how many beers or glasses of wine she’s had. 

You might find that somebody starts a conversation with you. Women sometimes talk openly to strangers. They might offer a compliment about your outfit or the color of your dress. A return compliment is always a nice gesture. These conversations are a nice way of giving or getting support. Embrace the occasion, but don’t hold up progress. 

I’ll be back

I’ll be back with more Stuff in the next installment. Comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff so let me know what you would like to read about.

Stana’s Note: Different jurisdictions in these United States have different laws, regulations  and ordinances regarding males using female bathroom facilities. In some jurisdictions, you can literally end up in jail for sitting to pee. On the other hand, in some jurisdictions, if you present as a lady, than it is OK to use the ladies’ room. At a minimum, you should know what is legal in your home town/county/state, so that you can make an educated choice before entering a ladies’ room. Similarly, you should find out what’s what in any locales you travel to or vacation at. So click here to find out what’s what any place in the USA.)



Wearing Stuart Weitzman (boots)
Wearing Stuart Weitzman (boots)


Paul Lambert femulating on British television’s Emmerdale.
Paul Lambert femulating on British television’s Emmerdale.

9 comments:

  1. If the Pumpkin Prince is elected the ban will be nationwide! Plus all rights will be reserved! Vote Blue. Beware of Project 2025.

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  2. love those Weitzman boots

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  3. Thanks for pointing out, Stana, that important info about the legal ramifications in some locales. Is there an online list to check where it is safe and where you might encounter problems in states, or is this a localized issue and therefore to voluminous to publish?

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  4. There is an app for that. I have used an app called Refuge Restrooms. It geo locates you and shows you the closest gender neutral restroom. Also always double check your dress/skirt is not stuck in your panties. That has happened twice now to me. Always very embarrasing.

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  5. Whilst I 100% agree with using facilities respectfully, I would also suggest, somewhat humbly, that I find the line "Remember, you are an interloper" to be... chilling - not in a horror film sense, but in a sense about preventing dialogue. Maybe it's different as I am a socially transitioning trans-woman these days, but I have actually felt *less* of an interloper in the ladies' than I ever did using men's facilities. Indeed, I have been *so* much more comfortable that I no longer feel any stress about using public toilets at all (and it was quite an eye-opener to feel that as I was unaware that such stresses weren't normal!).

    (Also, on another note, women's facilities are just as clean as men's and vice versa - I think, at least in my experience in the UK - cleanliness tends more to be a function of location than gender).

    I recognise my experience is quite limited (and, to boot, a trans woman rather than more generalised femulation, which is a far larger umbrella - like 'trans-femme' or even 'femme folk' - which similarly do not include cross-dressing etc hence 'femulation' here) but, again, if you are comfortable using the ladies' over the men's and feel it is 'safer' then I suspect terms like 'interloper' and hints that you are somehow trampling on a 'safe space' for femme folk may not be the best language to use.

    Honestly, I feel public toilets *are* a safe space for me too these days and, like I say, I feel less an interloper than I ever used to.

    Anyway, yeah, I'm not offended or anything but, I dunno, loving critique? :) For the avoidance of doubt, I think these columns are a really good and positive thing. :)

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  6. When I was in grad school some of the students wanted to create gender neutral bathroom so they were going to pass around a petition. They came to me all bubbly thinking I would be the first one to sign it and I said no. They looked so crestfallen, I said the petition that the way it was written it said that they wanted to create it for trans people to use. I said the way it was written it could be used to force us to use only gender neutral bathroom. If they rewrote so that anyone could use it, I would sign it.
    The Transgender Law Center has a publication: “Peeing in Peace”
    https://transgenderlawcenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/94930982-PIP-Resource-Guide.pdf

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  7. I have seen it more than once that a woman has rushed into the men's room at a sports event announcing "Woman on Board" because she had to pee really badly and the lines were too long for the ladies' room. I never heard a guy protest. My medium sized city passed an ordinance mandating single occupancy restrooms be designated gender neutral with signage to that effect; no more his and her.

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  8. On a different note: Paul (played by Mathew Bose) looks absolutely stunning here.

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  9. Excellent post JJ on a topic that stresses a lot of us. Thank you kindly for the link as well Stana.
    As to the day's Femulator photo, I think Paul Lambert is giving Sandra Bullock a run for her money! I wonder if he was Femulating her?
    Norah

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