First, I should clarify that I’m assuming most of us CDs are in a committed relationship – be it married, engaged or seriously involved with a partner. In general, I don’t think it matters what sex that partner is, they still need a support system. For the sake of convenience, I’ll refer to the SO with female pronouns here.
Support for SOs
Those of us who have an SO in our life should be thinking about her need for support. I’m assuming that the SO knows about our CDing. It seems obvious to me that if the SO doesn’t know then the support question doesn’t come up. At least not for the CDing aspect of the relationship.
For those where the SO knows but prefers a “don’t ask, don’t tell” (DADT) relationship, there is still a need for SO support. I would guess that these are the relationships that the SO could benefit most from finding some support. You may not talk about it, but the SO knows and in the back of her head, there is some uncertainty going on.
In relationships where the SO knows and is accepting, even she can benefit from some type of support. There are certainly professional therapists who she can visit with or without you.
On a less formal basis, maybe she just wants to talk with other SOs in similar circumstances. This is where the CD belonging to a support group can be a real benefit to both parties. She can go to meetings with you and strike up friendships with the other SOs. It helps for them to know they aren’t the only ones in that situation and can see how others cope. I can say from personal experience that this has been a tremendous help for me and my SO.
I’ll be back
Yes, there will be more Stuff. In the meantime comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff so if there is something you would like to read about please let me know!
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| Wearing Boston Proper |
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| Jerry Lewis femulating in the 1966 film Three on a Couch. |
When my wife and I had "The Talk" many decades ago one of the issues she brought up was not having someone to talk to about my cross-dressing. It became a shared secret. There were no support groups for either of us. One of the sentiments a wife has to bear is "She is married to a cross-dresser! Why doesn't she dump him? What's wrong with HER!!" So, if one is in a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" marriage it comes down to ignoring the elephant in the room. I always say it the ostrich effect: "Stick head in the sand." We haven't discussed anything since the mid-1980's.
ReplyDeleteJJ here - I have no doubt that there are many of our readers who are in the same situation. I hope things work out for you otherwise.
DeleteMarried 53 years. Otherwise, OK!
DeleteThe only time my dear departed wife wanted me to wear men's clothes was when I went out with her. Otherwise I was free to dress en femme out in public when she was not with me and at home.
ReplyDeleteThere was a time when I wore a shirt and trousers when there was a cold snap and my wife said in her blunt language, "Why are you wearing that f*cking shirt and pants?"
John
JJ here - well that's a good amount of support right there!
DeleteI think frequently about telling my SO about my CDing. Not so we can spend time as girlfriends, but because I want us to be able to share everything with each other so we can know how to best see, hear, and understand the other.
ReplyDeleteBut whenever I'm dressed enfemme, I realize I don't have the courage to explain all the details of my femulating journey (the hidden wardrobe, 5" stilettos, shapewear, tucking etc etc). I currently envision that revealing this information will be too overwhelming for her, so I often consider at least telling her of my infatuation with seeing and wearing pantyhose...maybe "testing the waters" a bit.
I'm honestly not sure what I'll do yet... if anything...but I do want to at least get myself prepared in case my CD secret is discovered and I have no choice. I think it's something all of us would be wise to consider.
JJ here. That's a very difficult position to be in. Obviously I know nothing about the two of you but I'm of the opinion that it's better to have it out in the open, even if seldom talked about. At least that way you aren't lying by omission, which is a breach of trust for most spouses.
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