At the opening of the convention, I noticed a couple impeccably dressed in matching skirt suits. He was tall and she was petite and I wondered where they found matching outfits and throughout the convention, they appeared in new matching outfits each day and each evening.
I was a little jealous. But I got over it. Since then, I have encountered other similar couples, that is, women who are comfortable (to one degree or another) with their femulating partner.
And it’s getting better all the time. In general, the younger generations are more accepting. It is not a big deal breaker as it is in older generations (like mine).
Although it is still uncommon to find a woman who is ok with a femulating partner, it is easy to find women who are ok with other men dressing like women (as long as the femulating men are not “their” men).
I run into this all the time. When I encounter a female stranger and she discovers that I am en femme, in the majority of cases, she is fine with it. Often, she is very interested and even enthusiastic about it. Seldom do I get a negative reaction.
Those who are positive about my femulation say something to the effect that what I am doing is “wonderful.” Yes, I have actually heard the word “wonderful” more than once from such enthusiasts.
And I don’t look a gift horse in the mouth and ask, “What do you mean by that?” Instead, I just go with the flow.
I can understand why a woman would not want her man to femulate, but I don’t understand why women are ok and even enthusiastic about other men being en femme.
And so it goes.
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| Wearing Ann Taylor |
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| Àngel Llàcer femulating on Spanish television’s Your Face Sounds Familiar (Tu Cara Me Suena). |
You wrote: "it is easy to find women who are ok with other men dressing like women (as long as the femulating men are not “their” men)."
ReplyDeleteYou said it. Once, I asked a coworker if she could help me dress on Halloween. We were going to surprise our old boss at lunchtime with me in office girl drag. While she was doing my makeup, I asked if she was OK with guys crossdressing. She said yes. "Would you be OK with _your_ guy crossdressing?" "No."
As for finding women OK with their guy femulating, I found one. We have gone to everything from dinner to a week at the beach together. She helps with my style and makeup, and gifts are a treat. I just wish I had found her forty years ago (but she would have only been 8 then).
One thing about supportive partners... there are always limits, and I find it interesting to see where the limits are. I've gone to t-girl meetups in private homes and some spouses are present, but none will join in the group photos; a majority don't want any pictures at all. They're more likely to join their femulating partner if it's not *too* close to home. And it makes sense. I think for most of us, we grew up with an aura of shame around dressing which may have taken decades to get over. Our partners now have the fear that "someone may find out my partner plays dressup!" thrust upon them and they're not ready for it. If I'm out and my next door neighbor sees me, she probably won't recognise me. But if I'm out with my partner, it's hard to add one and one and not get two.
If you're also out in your car someone may recognize you. When my wife and I were first married we ended up incorporating nighties for me into our bedroom play. I had thought I had no desire to wear women's clothing since I had not worn my mother's clothing for several years. I had zero thoughts about cross-dressing when in the army. She found me wearing an oversized peignoir I had bought her when first married. "Why are you wearing my nightie?" she asked. I told her the truth that I like the feel of the nylon. I had no thoughts of wanting to be a woman, etc. Over the first couple of years that was the extent of dressing; nightie and hosiery. About twelve years into the marriage my interests grew and I bought my first bra which our three year old daughter yanked from the bottom draw of my armoire. That precipitated "The Talk" in which she said, if she had known, she would have not married me. We survived those early "Talk" years but she wants nothing to do with it. She has not said "boo" since the early 1980's. She is supportive of the entire spectrum of the LGBTQ+ community, but not in her backyard......moi!
Delete"If you're also out in your car someone may recognize you." And a car with vanity plates increases the chance of recognition. But does it? My ham radio callsign has been on my license plate for the past 50 years and no one has ever admitted recognizing me when I was driving en femme. So go figure.
DeleteMaybe, but I am not going to take a chance since my license plate is a "Purple Heart" plate which is a permanent registration and tax and licensing fees free!
DeleteHam radio plates are free here in Connecticut since hams perform a public service.
DeleteI assume you have a Purple Heart, so thank you for your service. My Dad had two serving in the US Marines 4th Division in the WWII battles of Tinian, Saipan and Iwo.
DeleteI've had similar experiences getting makeovers at MAC over the years. The makeup artists were always supportive and interested in my reasons. They'd ask why I wanted to be a woman, creating a connection as if welcoming me to their perspective. It was almost like a shared enthusiasm for the experience of wearing Spanx, heels, and pantyhose for extended periods. I've encountered the same positive interest when shopping for wigs at Paula Young. The women there were intrigued and asked many questions, finding it great that I was exploring this. However, when it comes to their husbands, the dynamic shifts dramatically. It affects their identity, femininity, reputation, marriage, and can have a significant impact on their lives. It's an unusual problem with broader implications. Paula G
ReplyDeleteI think women that are ok with femulation is they see the femulated individual as them "being themselves, authentic" and doing it with bravery going against the grain of societies expectations. They applaud that.
ReplyDeleteNow, when you are dealing with a partner, it adds another layer to it. It is not just you being authentic, but the partner is also roped into the dynamic. The partner now thinks how am I perceived now?
The idea of matching skirt suits is so divine to me. I would love to wear matching skirt suits with my wife. It is not off the table. Maybe some day.
-Christina
I know of 4 trans women who have transitioned and are still with their wives (One who detransitioned and then transitioned again but then her wife passed away.).
ReplyDeleteIf your wife understood you were a lesbian when en femme then she would understand your desire for women sexually and not be afraid. Its when she thinks you are spending time with men sexually she becomes concerned. NIMBY is common as-she doesnt want her girlfriends to know that her man cross dresses. So people dress for different reasons. I find that when en-femme I am less aroused sexually because the desire to femulate is not necessarily sexual. If I become interested in the fetish aspects then yes there is arousal. If I go to Target en-femme I am just me. Thats why the blur of transvestism, cross dress and fetish is different for everybody. Whatever makes you happy. I should add Sissy to it which again is another version. How many attend Fantasia Fair looking to meet others for sex?
ReplyDeleteif anyone gets an answer to this question please let everyone know. what is written above is my experience also. and how about the moms who want to feminize their sons? I had 2 aunts who just about begged me to try on their old 1st communion outfits (if my Dad wasn't around I would have-regrets)-emily
ReplyDeleteRelief that it's not an issue that complicates their daily lives further.
ReplyDeleteI'm raising my hand as yet another CD contemplating what and how to tell a female partner.
ReplyDeleteInstead of confessing all the gory details of my closet CDing, I've been considering as an alternative telling her of my infatuation with hosiery. Maybe, at a minimum, I could get my pantyhose and tights out of hiding and into my sock drawer. And if all went as planned, perhaps she would be ok with me occassionally lounging around in a pair? But would the longing to also wear panties and heels and a skirt be too much to resist? Would even just the wearing of pantyhose cause her too many questions that would alter our relationship? Am I ready for that?
I know there are no easy answers to any of these questions. And I know we each have our own versions of "what if". I am so very thankful for a community like this where we can share common concerns and work towards understanding ourselves❤️
Elise, I do not know the answer. At least forty years ago I confessed my infatuation, my desire, and my longing to "occasionally" wear articles of feminine clothing. I wrote about this recently in here as a comment, but the best I got back from my wife was that my crossdressing was nothing she'd ever envisioned as part of her married life.
ReplyDeleteShe said I could dress up at home, but she wanted no part of it and never wanted to see it. For a while I did that and found it unsatisfying in that it made me feel guilty over a secret that in my mind felt deceptive and made me feel bad. I did not want it to be a secret with her. However, it wasn't as if I wanted family, friends, or the world know I liked dressing up as a girl.
Eventually, I gave up crossdressing. Yes, I purged everything. The desire is still there, but I prefer living as a husband, father, grandfather, and as a man. I love my wife more than I love crossdressing.
I don't know how large the percentage is of woman who embrace that within their men. I think what Stan said, (I'll paraphrase) woman are ok with it as long as it isn't their man....." is accurate. My own wife has been in a writing group where there is a man who used to perform as a female impersonator. She likes him. So why not me?
Oh well. Whatever that percentage of women who accept is, that's your chance of gaining acceptance from your wife. Good luck.