I think my tipping point occurred when I went out and nobody cared (just another old lady shopping at Macy’s) or even noticed. I could enjoy it and not worry about what caused it.
Anyhow, a few days ago, I came across a “theory” explaining why we do what we do. The theory was new to me and maybe it will be new to you. Here it is:
“Those guys who like, or love, crossdressing are the most interesting group. It seems their brains are hardwired to release feel-good neurotransmitters (dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins, serotonin), when they immerse themselves in the feminine. Women’s clothing gives them an automatic and involuntary response with their brain releasing the neurotransmitters producing sensations of excitement, gratification, pleasure, comfort and well-being. These men will often say that don’t know why, but they just NEED to cross-dress. For them the urge to cross-dress is powerful, innate and immutable. Actually, their body needs the neurotransmitters and the clothes are just the tool to get the brain to release them. If they deny themselves the neurotransmitters then they may experience symptoms like, a lack of motivation, reduced concentration, depression, and reduced sex drive. Most people what [sic] to be happy, and for these men, women’s clothing makes them happy.”
That’s the gist of Philip Peters’ theory. You can read more about it on Quora.
So what do you think?
Personally, doing it is exciting, gratifying, pleasurable, comforting and especially very good for my well-being. As Woody Allen once said, it’s “the most fun I ever had without laughing.”
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| Wearing StyleWe |
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| Femulating at the All Ireland Pole Dancing Championship |
Most women wear jeans (a lot of them torn) and casual shirts such as T-shirts. Thus if you want to dress as a typical woman you do likewise.
ReplyDeleteNow on the other hand we like to wear dresses as maybe we're sick and tired of seeing women (and men) so casually attired.
I wear dresses to church much more frequently than the women for that reason. And for weekday church functions frequently I'm the only one wearing a dress. Sometimes I might wear a man's coat, tie, and trousers outfit on Sunday morning but few men do so.
I'm all in with the theory. It sounds terrific. I will copy this and give it to my new lady friend. We are both in our seventies and she is a widow and I am a widower. A very serious relationship is just around the corner. I have been scratching my head as how to tell her about me. The first sentence is excruciatingly hard, the second sentence is very hard and, depending on her reaction, every thing from there on could be fun.
ReplyDeleteAngel Amore
Dear Stana, While I cannot confirm or falsify the potential explanation by Philip Peters, I fully subscribe to your personal conclusion. That is exactly why I love crossdressing so much. Franzi
ReplyDeleteI believe the urge to express femininity is probably just as common in males as it is in females, but our culture has been effective at making it something that is socially rewarded for females and socially punished for males. I’m glad we are moving towards a more tolerant environment for those who have confronted their own desire to be gender non-conforming and express it publically. When I was five years old, no one encouraged me to wear dresses and yet that’s precisely what I wanted to do. At the same time, I KNEW I would be teased endlessly if I even said it out loud much less appeared in public in a pretty dress.
ReplyDeleteWe need to ask “ why do women still wear dresses even though they have generally been relieved of the expectation that they present themselves as maximally femme under most circumstances “?
It’s because it’s still a wonderful symbolic expression of our humanity.
My question is why so FEW women wear dresses, at least in the DFW area in Texas. When I walk in a nearby park I'm the only one wearing a dress. And you see few people wearing dresses in stores.
DeleteJohn
Might be true,,I find myself being more confident and secure when nicely dressed, and the desire to dress just gets stronger.....Trina
ReplyDeleteI certainly am open to any theory on what "causes" crossdressing, just maybe if we "knew" the cause it would make navigating through life much easier. In reality it is probably so many complex things go into the equation that makes who we are, we will never know.
ReplyDeleteThe range of emotions we go through when we act upon our female side is a complete contradiction of terms. Many of us have guilt, after all wearing women's clothes is so contrary to most males, then of course there is fear that our love one and friends would find out and thoroughly disapprove. Those are only some of the emotions. Then of course you have the gratification, pleasure and so on as mentioned in the theory. After all this time for me, I find so calming, satisfying and peaceful.
Even though I can mix in public without setting off most people's radar, the thought of being exposed as in "look, there is a man in a dress" is still present somewhere in my mind. However, that thought still comes no where near to overriding the pleasure to satisfy the female portion of me.
I wonder if there was some magic elixir that you could take would end those desires, how many would take it?
This theory pretty much sums up my attitude and my drive to crossdress.
ReplyDeleteOn average, Julie gets out at least once a week, however I recently went through what I call a "drought" - it was almost a full month with no dressing, let alone getting out of the house. Last Friday night I went out with a girl friend to celebrate our birthdays (they are a week apart) and it was HEAVENLY. We ate, we talked, we walked around downtown - and I was riding that high for 3 days!
I would contend that it doesn’t matter “why” we feel this way. Why do I like sushi but hate liver and onions? Why do I like Bach but not Hiphop? It doesn’t matter! The only “why” question that needs to be answered is “why does a male choosing to present as fully feminine make some people feel so threatened?”
ReplyDeleteWow, I have been trying for years to explain to my wife "the why" . This is by far the best explaination I have ever read. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteYour article “ Without Laughing “ is Right On ,Yes Yes !
ReplyDelete𝒱𝑒𝓇𝒶 𝒬
Stana, thanks for sharing. I don't know the science but I absolutely share you feelings. You are spot on with every word. I greatly appreciate your daily posts!
ReplyDeleteI would agree with his assessment since he specifically references crossdressing, a term I still hate. But when you are transgendered and your internal wiring is female, it takes on a much broader and deeper meaning for that individual when they show their femulation.
ReplyDeleteMany years ago I stopped wondering why. As crazy as it seems it's exciting and I love it. The very first time I dressed up as a girl was for a skit I was in at my High School's talent show. I had had urges to dress as a girl for a long time, but I never had the courage to try it and then these girls who I was friends with recruited me to take be in the talent show where they dressed me and a couple of other boys up in drag.
ReplyDeleteI remember shaking when it was time to finally put on pantyhose, a bra, and a dress. However, while I'd never admit it to the girls, I loved being dressed up like that and I loved how they primped over me.
After the show I began sneaking my dress up and which remained undiscovered. I still feel that shiver of excitement whenever I dress myself up as a woman.
Suzy
This describes my situation almost perfectly! I have not dressed in 11 months, and I am moody, unmotivated, and unable to concentrate for longer periods of time. I am hoping to have at least two opportunities in January to get out. I'll keep this theory in mind if my outlook improves!
ReplyDeleteWhen my wife and I had "The Talk" the truth; I do not known why I do what I do!" I gave up a long time ago trying to figure it out. I came to accept myself. The problem that arises is other peoples' problem of acceptance. My counselor for war related PTSD issues is of the opinion that each man and woman has some amount of the other sex's DNA in their genetic code; In some it is more than in others. Perhaps, that covers the entire spectrum from 100% straight to 100% gay/lesbian, and me somewhere in between. In my youth there was some element of self gratification that would have occurred whether or not I was wearing women's clothing. Now, wearing women's clothing is so natural I feel no different grabbing a dress or my guy jeans and graphic tee shirt. In either mode I want to present my best.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Sweet Jazz Girl i.e. the clothes are just a means to express who we want to be. With the clothes on we can then interact is society as a woman-emily
ReplyDeleteStana, my problem with this “explanation“ is that it does what all other explanations do, which is to assume that there is something that needs to be explained. Some people are excellent athletes, some people are tall some people have blue eyes. No two of us are exactly the same. Similarly, I don’t know why there needs to be one “reason” for cross dressing or being transgender (as I identify) or being anywhere else on the gender spectrum. I should add that if we still crave an explanation (as I did before I accepted my identity), then I would have to say this one falls short. Why? Because every pleasurable thing in our lives releases those chemicals. Being yourself will be pleasing, but so will running a race, falling in love or touching a snowflake with your tongue. As far as I know people don’t question why anyone likes those things. Our brains work through chemical signals, so chemicals are involved in every thought we have, CD or TG-related or not. Loved the post! Lisa
ReplyDeleteIf we must answer the question of “why” we do this, I’ll settle for “ because WE are more evolved than most men”. We refuse to submit to the idea that femininity is a threat, a joke, or a pathology to someone with a Y chromosome. What we do is simply the use of objects in a culturally defined context to create symbols that have deep meaning to ourselves and those who interact with us. It’s no different from donning a football uniform and throwing a ball around according to a defined set of rules.
DeleteWhat matters is people have to quit judging others. If you’re happy I’m happy for you! If you enjoy dressing it’s not a threat to me. Life is too short
ReplyDeleteWhen friends ask me about Rachel, I tell them that I’m transgender. I also tell them that I knew I was different from my male friends at 11 or 12 but wasn’t quite sure what that meant until much later. There was surely no one to talk to or Internet in the early 1970s.
ReplyDeleteBy the time I finally had a full sense of being TG, I was already married. When I had the talk with my wife, she was on-board with crossdressing. She said that she could not accept full transition, that she had not signed on for a lesbian relationship.
Femulating part time is like dialysis for a renal patient or insulin for a diabetic. It allows me to “treat” my condition. Were I in my 20s and single, I’d transition,
but I’m in my 60s and married. It’s a journey I won’t undertake without my
Wife.
"Femulating part time is like dialysis for a renal patient or insulin for a diabetic. It allows me to “treat” my condition" That makes perfect sense to me--Paula G
ReplyDeleteIsn't that just a description of why anyone does anything? Why do some people ride motorbikes, climb mountains, play football, read books, go ballroom dancing? Because their brain gives them feel-good chemicals when they do that particular thing. It doesn't answer the question of why someone chooses one activity over another?
ReplyDeleteI think the final sentence in this explanation is my why: "women’s clothing makes them happy". Yes it does! Looking at it, wearing it, dreaming about what I would wear in every event of my life👗👠
ReplyDelete