Hello again!
How many of us live in the closet? I know a lot of readers like Stana, are pretty much out to everybody. I also know a lot of us are still in the closet. It makes me wonder though…
How Big is Your Closet?
The question was actually prompted by a point Stana made when we were chatting. She pointed out that most of us live in a closet, but the size of it may be bigger for some than for others.
By “closet,” I’m not talking about the actual place for your Stuff. I’m talking about how big is your crossdressing world. Are you a stay at home crossdresser? Or an out-in-public crossdresser? Do you go out only for special crossdresser events like group meetings?
Think about that. If you are out for a group meeting, isn’t it really just a bigger closet? The regular group meetings I go to are held in a secluded location. It’s just us and our significant others. We are out of the house. But are we really out of the closet?
There’s an annual week-long event held in Provincetown, Massachusetts each fall. If you visit P-Town that week you’ll see many crossdressers walking around in the general population. Are they out? Or is P-Town just a bigger closet?
My closet is fairly small. Or maybe it’s medium size. I mostly dress at home. I do go out to group meetings most months. I have ventured out to get a makeover at Sephora. Some months our group meeting is a Girls Night Out at a local restaurant, where we might be seated with the general population. I guess that would qualify as a bigger closet. I’d love to hear your thoughts about being in the closet and just how big is your closet.
I’ll be back
Yes, there will be more Stuff. In the meantime, comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff, so if there is something you would like to read about, please let me know!
Wearing Cynthia Rowley
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| Noah Schnapp |
I would say my closet is mighty big; i.e., I hardly wear trousers at all, preferring to wear dresses. What I wore to church yesterday was a black long sleeve maxi-dress with floral patterns of autumn leaf colors with 75 mm (3 inch) black heels, along with painted fingernails and makeup. Two women complimented me about my outfit.
ReplyDeleteI would say I'm a freestyler rather than a crossdresser as I don't pretend to be a woman, although I have a natural bust and hair beyond my shoulders. I go by my real name John and I sing second bass in my church choir. My preferred pronouns are: he, him, his.
JJ here. Thanks so much for telling us about your experiences out of the closet. I'm sure that we all find this interesting.
DeleteSeeing Noah Schnapp one wonders if his dress represents a transvestite or is an aesthetic performance. Is it true that clothes have no gender, as is currently being discussed?
ReplyDeleteExperiencing the public as a woman and being addressed as "ma'am" or "Miss" is incredibly validating and liberating. Paula G
ReplyDeleteI don't care if someone addresses me as "ma'am" or "sir" while wearing my usual dresses, as long as I'm not called "Maggot". I have the appearance of a woman but with the voice of a man.
DeleteJohn
I don't understand why anyone would call someone a "maggot" just because he/she was crossdressed. What is the connection? I can understand being called a word that rhymes with maggot, as well as a slew of other words used to insult us girls, but maggot???
DeleteI have never been in the military but I understand drill sergeants commonly address raw recruits as "Maggot" along with the statement, "You are the lowest form of life!"
DeleteJJ here. Thanks Paula for those good points about validation. I've read your contributions here and love your perspective.
DeleteI think we need to add one more variable to the concept of out of the closed. Does anyone know. I often spend time out and about as Diana. However no one that I know is aware of this. My wife is a DADT and is not aware I go out. Am I still in the closet. I consider myself so.
ReplyDeleteJJ here - That's a very good point. Are we out if nobody knows who we are? Something to think about.
DeleteMy "closet" has been expanding drastically for the last 8 years or so. I have a group of GG Sister Friends and we regularly go out amongst the civilians - restaurants, drag shows, even church! And by myself I can usually be found doing the weekly Saturday Grocery Shopping (after a nice breakfast buffet at Golden Corral) dressed pretty. I find that the more I get out, the larger my closet becomes. One day it will be as big as all outdoors!
ReplyDeleteJJ here - love your comment Julie. Yes, it does sound like your closet is growing. I've been experiencing something similar when I go to group meetings. Fun!
DeleteDecades ago when my wife and I had "The Talk" she very definitely was upset by the revelation I had the desire or need to wear women's clothing. She does not want anything to do with it. However, she did say, if I wanted to join a support group that was fine with her. This was way before the internet. I did find a telephone listing for a support group in Seattle. I called. The person was extremely rude. I hope that person never ever took a job answering the telephone for a crisis line. My world is my home and had included the backyard before the neighbor cut his bushes down and ruined any privacy outside. If I have the opportunity and inclination I will go for an evening stroll in my favorite safe residential neighborhood. Would I mingle with the masses or even join a support group now? Probably not.
ReplyDeleteI guess it would be appropriate to say my "closet" is the size of a small secret cubby because there's only room enough for me and my stash of clothes. But in reality, it's the size of my home's 4 walls whenever I have it to myself.
ReplyDeleteI used to be very closeted. I feared being read because of my size (6'2"), so my closet was bounded by the walls of halls and hotels where crossdressing meetings and events were being held. As FDR once said, "...the only thing we have to fear is...fear itself," so once I overcame my fear of heights, the closet walls disappeared and now I go anywhere and everywhere en femme.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to the FDR quote, until I no longer had the fear (thanks to bloggers like Stana). My guess is I've been out about a thousand times, most to public places like stores, restaurants, and even concerts at 15,000+ seat stadiums. I was afraid of torches and pitchforks, but instead received acceptance and friendship. It's been a lot of fun once I got over the fear.
Deleteagree with Stana--no closet. when I began this journey was gripped with fear and went nowhere except a Tri-Ess meeting at a gay night club. Then (as referred to above) a friend commented that the night club was just an extension of the closet.
ReplyDeleteanother girl commented that I was passable so I started to put my toe in the water with great fear.and then just kept going and going to the point that I don't even think about it anymore.and the experiences are so great that I would urge everyone to at least dip their toe and see what happens after all -what is the negative in this risk/reward scenario?--Emily
Unfortunately - a very well done photoshopped picture.
ReplyDeleteMy closet is pretty darn small. As a teenaged boy I dressed up in my mother's clothes whenever I could. I loved wearing her dresses and nylons, but I would have died of embarrassment if anyone knew. I longed for the chance to dress up as a girl for Halloween, but I never have.
ReplyDeleteAs a married man occasionally I secretly dressed up. As I aged I accumulated a wardrobe which was hidden away in our attic. I need swatches of time to dress up because simply getting into my trunk became an ordeal because it became so buried.
About twenty years ago there was a Be All in my city and I snuck off to it. I loved the experience, but I looked horrible and quite honestly I wasn't comfortable with what I perceived of as some of the militancy of some the other girls. One told me that since I didn't fully embrace it as she had it meant that I wasn't a real crossdresser.
I responded, "I'm sitting here wearing panties, pantyhose, a bra with fake boobs, a slip, skirt, sweater, and high heels with a wig and full make up and I'm not a real crossdresser?
He said, "no, you're a fetishist."
I had more of an attitude of .... I'm just trying to feel good about this insane interest or urge that is inside me. I walked away from the conversation. It probably was an unfortunate encounter which said more about that person than me.
Eventually, I told my wife that I had a stash of my own women's clothes. Once I showed it to her. She didn't freak out, but she said that she didn't sign on to our marriage for this. She said that she didn't mind me dressing up, but she didn't want to know or hear about it.
When our son returned from college and settled into our home for an undetermined amount of time I decided to dump all my stuff.
I have not physically worn women's clothes in several years. Sometimes I long to do it again, but I'm also more at ease that I don't have to worry about my secret being discovered.
For me and many ladies, Transweek in Provincetown is a bigger closet. While certainly plenty of others are out full time This year was my first year( attended the first half), it was absolutely amazing, liberating (I cannot say enough!) to be in female mode 24/7… I will say after such an incredible high, it’s been a bit challenging as my opportunities to get out at this point are a few and far in between :(. But I do know that in time that will change- always pushing forward. -Pamela
ReplyDeleteJJ here. I'm saddened to hear that you had such a bad experience Jade. I'd encourage you to try again. There are more resources available these days and the information here on the internet is extremely valuable. Don't let that bad experience stop you from being the whole you.
ReplyDelete