Go Solo

“I'm a guy.”

I love to pass. What femulator doesn’t? But sooner or later, most out-and-about femulators realize that passing as a cisgender woman is not the end-all and be-all of male-to-female crossdressing. 

As a tall girl, I feared that my height would give me away if I attempted to go out among the civilians. That fear kept me in the closet for years. When I could not stand that stuffy closet any longer, I stepped out of the closet and into a local mall and discovered that my height was not a big deal. I was perceived as just another middle-aged woman. 

On those occasions when a civilian suspected that something was amiss, they might stare at me and/or comment about my presentation to another civilian. But no one ever called me out about being en femme because I believe/assume that my presentation was usually just good enough that even if a civilian suspected something, they would not dare say anything fearing that I really might be a cisgender female. Or if they thought that I was en femme, they did not think it was something important enough to confront me about it. I was just a curiosity (“Guess what I saw at the mall today”).

On the other hand, I often pass successfully – more often than not. If you’ve read this blog for awhile, you probably read my numerous accounts of successfully passing. Like the time at JC Penney when a woman stopped me because I was “fashionably dressed” and wanted my opinion on some clothing she was buying. Or the time a saleswoman working at Nordstrom engaged me in a discussion about being tall females. Or my numerous May weekends en femme staffing the booth (booth babedom) at a ham radio convention. Or Halloween 2022, dining at Viron Rondo Osteria…

My waitress was pleasant, took my order and in short order, I was drinking a beverage and dining on a delicious pasta dinner. I noticed some male diners and waiters checking me out, but I just looked away... after all, I am a married woman!

Time flew by quickly and before I knew it, the waitress was packing up my leftovers and presenting me with the bill. I overheard her complimenting a couple at another table about their Halloween costume, so when she returned to collect my payment, I asked, “How do you like my Halloween costume?”

She looked at me with a blank expression and asked, “What is it?”

“I’m a guy.”

She was shocked. She had no idea and began gushing over my “costume,” loved my hairdo (wig) and thought that my nails were “cute.”

Contrast that with my dining experience with three trans-lady friends at the same restaurant last Wednesday. When we paid the check, the waitress said, “Thank-you, sir.”

Why the difference? My presentation was similar on all those occasions. What caused the passes and the fails?

My experience is that I usually pass when I am out and about solo, but add a trans companion or two and I (we) fail to pass. In almost every failure to pass that I can recall over the years, there was usually one or more trans folks accompanying me.

One very tall lady (me) can pass. It helps that I am old and basically invisible to the younger civilian population. No one pays attention to an old lady even if she is six feet tall. But add two or three tall ladies to the mix and that is so atypical that it raises a red flag. It causes people to look more closely and deduce what is really going on.

So to pass, go solo.

Problem is that going solo is a lonely proposition. It is always more fun to go out and about with a companion. However, if that companion is a male en femme, passing may be more difficult, so if possible, go with a cisgender female companion. No guarantees, but it may help.

Wearing Venus