All dressed up with a place to go

I was a closeted crossdresser during my teens, twenties and thirties. I escaped the closet a half dozen times for Halloween events, enjoyed being out among the civilians and was back in the closet on November 1.

I’m not sure whether my spouse got tired of me dressing pretty just to hang around the house or if she thought I needed more support than she could give me – probably a little bit of both – and she suggested I find a support group.

So I dialed up Compuserve, navigated to Genderline and at 110 baud, asked if anyone was aware of a support group in my neck of the woods. A day or two passed and someone answered my question suggesting that I check out a relatively new support group, Connecticut Outreach Society (COS).

I got in touch with Denise, the COS contact person, and she told me all about the organization and invited me to attend its next meeting, which I did.

At the COS Meeting House during COS’s heyday

When I attended that first COS meeting, I considered that my real first time out en femme (discounting my Halloween excursions). I recall being very nervous and sweating profusely at the meeting, so much so that I left the meeting early determined that I would never come back.

But, I came back and became very active in COS. I edited their monthly newsletter and annual membership directory for a number of years, organized their annual banquet three years in a row, staffed their telephone help line for a stint and participated in their outreach program.

I enjoyed outreach a lot because it allowed me to go out and hopefully demonstrate to the civilian population that transpeople are not freaks, but are just like them. And I enjoyed editing the newsletter because it gave me an outlet to be a little creative in a feminine way. But the main reason I was active in COS is because COS helped me become a better transperson. If not for COS, I would not be me. 

COS was organized in the late 1980’s and met twice a month (on second Saturdays and fourth Wednesdays) in West Hartford, Connecticut. 

I joined in 1989 and was an active member through the late 2010’s. During those two decades, I saw hundreds of people join COS and attend meetings. 

During its heyday, meetings typically drew 15 to 25 attendees. Most meetings had a speaker or purveyor of feminine goods (wigs, makeup, clothing, etc.)  

In addition to the West Hartford meetings, COS had remote events, for example, visits to hair/beauty/nail salons, Dress Barn, wig stores, etc. and dinners at up-scale restaurants. COS’s annul banquet at local hotels typically drew 50 to 100 attendees. 

Sadly Connecticut Outreach Society is no more. Diana informed me that COS is folding its tent due to a lack of attendees. 

It is not the first to disappear. The Internet has been killing off support groups and transgender conventions for years and the pandemic just accelerated the slaughter. I feel badly about COS’s demise, but it served its purpose when it was needed. It was a place to go when you were all dressed up. 

And so it goes.

Wearing Bebe

John Ritter femulating on television’s Love Boat.