Tomboys and Sissies

By Paula Gaikowski

Society often judges men who show feminine qualities unfairly. This happens because our culture values masculine traits more than feminine ones. 

I’ve been crossdressing since I was 8-years-old. When I think back to those afterschool dress up parties when my parents were at work, I realize now how often I spent time dressed up as a girl. I did it constantly. Several days a week, all though elementary and high school. I was bound to slip up (pun intended) and be discovered. My mother must of known someone was in her things; perhaps she just decided not to say anything. 

I suppose I became a bit too comfortable and left her no choice. One day I left her clothes, lingerie and a wig scattered all over her bedroom. I had complexly forgotten to cover my tracks and was called up to her room and asked to explain what was going on. 

I was mortified and told her that “I was just messing around.” That’s all I could think of. I remember her horrified look and the word “sissy.” Do you want to grow up and be some kind of “sissy.” Her words and demeanor hit hard. 

I did want to grow up and be a woman or at least dress and live as one. But now the message was clear that was bad, extremely bad. I was made to believe that I had a character flaw.  

People treat men and women differently when they act in ways that aren't expected for their gender. Men who act in feminine ways are made fun of and given mean names like “sissy” or “effeminate.” This is hurtful and makes men hide who they are to fit in.

On the other hand, women who do things seen as masculine are often praised. Girls who like things considered boyish are called “tomboys” and are admired for being confident. This  shows that our society thinks being feminine is not as good as being masculine.

The reason for this unfair treatment comes from the way our society is set up. We have a history of thinking that being tough, loud and strong is better than being gentle, quiet and caring. This way of thinking makes us believe that men showing feminine traits are weak and not as important.

To change this, we need to teach people about how these ideas hurt everyone. We should show that both masculine and feminine traits are okay for anyone, no matter their gender. We can also celebrate people who don't follow the usual rules and act the way they want.

Had my mother reacted in a more positive way, perhaps my life would not have been the struggle it has been concerning my gender identity. Had she told me not to be ashamed and that it’s okay to dress up like a girl if I want to, then I could have approached this conundrum with hope and optimism instead of self-doubt and anxiety. In her heart, she was trying to protect me and save me from a cruel society that needs to change its perception of femininity and masculinity.

Wearing Ann Taylor

Femulating in London