By J.J. Atwell
Hello again
It’s JJ again! Yes, there is more Stuff. I’m happy you continue to find this column thought-provoking. Let's get on with it today by talking about guilt and overcoming it.
Do We Have Guilt?
I suspect we (the CD community) have some amount of guilt. What we do is not understood by society in general and that makes us targets. On some level, we know that what we are doing is frowned upon by many. On top of that, we are afraid that if our loved ones find out, they will react badly. So yes, we have guilt. Unless we’ve dealt with it.
Dealing With Guilt
The only way for us to deal with guilt is to accept ourselves. Yes, that easy. No, actually it’s not that easy. We are talking about years of guilt feelings. They don’t just go away quickly.
Let’s start by looking at ourselves and why we feel that guilt. Perhaps it’s from childhood or early teen experiences. Maybe that’s the root of our guilt as that’s when our desire to dress in female clothes started to surface. Along with that comes the realization that it is something that is just not done.
Guilt can have real impacts on our health. Guilt causes stress which can affect any and all parts of your body. It can present as weight issues, hypertension, persistent headache, skin rash, sleep problems, digestion and many other things.
In the end, we have to find a way to convince ourselves that we are not hurting anybody. Once we do that we can lead a healthy life, no matter how we are dressed. As for how do convince ourself of that, sorry, I’m not a medical professional so I’ve got nothing.
I’ll be back
OK, so I think I’ve given you enough stuff to think about. I hope this installment hasn’t actually increased your stress levels.
As before, comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff!
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| Wearing JustFab |
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| Clément Sibony femulating in the 2014 French film Les Nuits d'été (Summer Nights) |
I certainly felt guilty about dressing
ReplyDeleteI even started to worry about finding blouse, pleated skirt and panty hose very comfortable
It later occured to me that was normal for that outfit no matter who was wearing it
Lucy
I guess it was NEVER drummed into my head that being feminine is inferior to being masculine so I don't feel the least bit guilty of dressing and grooming myself like a woman. My mother taught me how to apply lipstick and my paternal grandmother taught me how to apply nail lacquer (polish).
ReplyDeleteSo here I am wearing a knee length dress as I type out this message. Yesterday I wore a dress, along with heels, makeup, nylons, and nail lacquer on my fingernails to the Sunday morning church service. I wear that attire as a MAN and don't pretend I'm a woman. And everybody accepts my attire.
Earlier this month I went to a graveyard burial ceremony wearing a black dress instead of a coat and tie. I live in the Dallas-Fort Worth area and summers there are brutal. I can say the dress made the heat much more tolerable than wearing a coat and tie. Also, I was able to toss the dress in the wash instead of having to face the cost of dry cleaning my suit.
ALL my relatives know and obviously the members and priests of my church know about my wearing of dresses so that is definitely not a secret.
John
Guilt-an excellent topic JJ. If you are on the older side you have been -conditioned to the "fact" that men are superior and that any female tendencies are a no no. This is the guilt we must overcome. However -over the past dozen years or so the evidence continues to pile up that we are the way we are due to a misfire in the womb that affected our brain structure.
ReplyDeleteSo I submit that we should be in the same category as many others who do not have "normal" brains. The most recent finding of many findings is the new anti obesity drug which does not work on the appetite but rather on a part of the brain which enables obesity.
And if you accept this theory you must come to the uncomfortable conclusion that the reason you were accepting your spouses' negative attitude toward TG was your own guilt. When she says she doesn't want to see or hear about it-would you say the same if she-for example-began to develop dementia? emily
Men superior to women? That is truly mindless drivel as you MUST have females to reproduce a specie. You could have only females to reproduce but the offspring would have identical genetic makeup as the mother. Males exist to ensure genetic diversity for survival.
DeleteIn this case guilt means that we are brought up to believe that dressing is abnormal and we are doing something wrong if we do
ReplyDeleteSome times people can live with it and not dress until they see some one dressing That sends their desire to dress sky high
Lucy
I don't really know if I would use the word "guilt." "Guilt" suggests I did something wrong. Did I let down the people around me since they did not know of my cross-dressing? As a teenager of the 1960's the word I would use to describe myself is "self loathing." I "loathed" who I was because I was not like other boys. To wear women's clothing in the 1960's was to a a homosexual, although the words were crude and vulgar. Maybe the word "guilt" came much later to describe perhaps not letting my wife know I had those tendencies to dress in women's clothing. But, my wife did participate in lingerie in the bedroom. Later, it expanded to much more. I don't believe it is wise to try to describe a complex issue with one word. Explain in sentences and paragraphs.
ReplyDeleteMikki and others, great perspective and comments
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about this article since I read it. For me, I would not use the word guilt. I think it would be more appropriate to use "embarrassment" if anyone were to discover my secret crossdressing lifestyle. Embarrassment at having someone find out that I enjoy wearing these clothes that society says I'm not "supposed to" wear, that I adore the feel of pantyhose and panties and silk lingerie on my skin, that I thrill over the adjustment in my posture and gait when I'm wearing high heels, that I long to wear any of the outfits in the Femulate Her posts.
ReplyDeleteBut embarrassment turns to annoyance that society frowns upon men wearing a piece of clothing because they like the way it looks or feels on their body, regardless of which gender that clothing was made for. I often think I should walk down my long driveway in a skirt, hose, and heels to get my mail in front of all my neighbors...but embarrassment always stops me at my doorstep.
So I offer my gratitude and appreciation for those who are willing and able to disregard those societal expectations and wear what they want, when they want.