Stuff 7

By J.J. Atwell

Hello All

JJ is back with more stuff! I find it hard to believe that I’m up to number 7 of this little corner of Stana’s Way. Many thanks to Stana and all you faithful readers for following along with my Stuff.  

Pronouns

Let’s take a brief trip on the time machine to grade school grammar classes. For those who need a refresh, here is a definition of pronouns from an on-line dictionary: “a word that can function by itself as a noun phrase and that refers either to the participants in the discourse… or to someone or something mentioned elsewhere in the discourse.” Whew! That’s a long way of explaining words like “him” and “her” as they apply to our world. Hopefully that wasn’t too painful a trip to those school days. 

Most people don’t think about pronouns when they write or speak. It kind of comes naturally.  “Naturally,” that is, until you enter our world of crossdressers and transgender individuals. Then it becomes something we need to think about carefully. Should I address that person as “he” or “she?” Does that change depending on what the person is wearing?  

All very difficult questions with many nuances to an answer. In general, the rule I follow is that if they are attempting to look like a female, then female pronouns are appropriate. Of course, if they tell me their preferred pronouns, then that’s what I use. In my everyday guy life, I’m always “he.” But when I’m dressed as JJ, then “she” fits better. It just seems right to me.   

I was recently at a Girls’ Night Out with about a dozen folks at a restaurant – half CD/TG and half SOs. I happened to be siting between two of the SOs and struck up conversations with them about their other halves. I found it interesting that they sometimes slipped back and forth between he and she when referring to their partners. No doubt, they have lived many years as husband and wife and that person still occupies that role no matter how they dress.  

The wives did say that they help with the spouse’s feminine presentation. Things like making sure that the partner looks appropriate for the event/venue. Generally, that’s something that we of the CD/TG community struggle with at first. Some of that is probably self-preservation for the wife, but I got the impression that they really wanted to help.  

So where am I going with this Stuff? No place in particular. I just wanted you to think about how you use pronouns and if that affects your perceptions and interactions with members of our community.  

I’ll be back

That’s it for today. I hope my stuff gives you something to think about. In the meantime, I’d welcome comments here on the blog or by email at Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com.

Wearing Elisabetta Franchi

Barbara Trebor