Living the Dream

By Ciara Cremin 

As with every reader of this website, I love wearing women’s clothes. So much so that in July 2015 I dressed openly to work for the first time as a woman. 

I know from reading the site that many of you fantasize about dressing openly as women. Some do occasionally. I fantasized about doing this for decades. That fantasy is well and truly realized. At work, when shopping, on the town, day and night – all times, without exception – I dress fully en femme. I don’t “pass.” I don’t even try. There’s nothing wrong with our bodies. The problem is with society.

Soon after coming out, I changed my name to Ciara. At first, I identified as a “cross-dresser,” a transvestite even: both terms are now well and truly redundant. I dress as a woman because I am a woman. 

I can’t express strongly enough what a thrill it is getting up every morning, selecting an outfit from the many dresses, skirts, blouses, etc. that I own, matching it with shoes or knee-length boots, various accoutrements such as jeweley, figure-hugging underwear, panties, bras, slips and most of all, pantyhose, and spending about 20 minutes in front of the mirror putting on my makeup from the assortment of lipsticks, eyeshadows and so forth overflowing my makeup drawer. It’s such a tonic to get dressed up in my style and doing so in the knowledge that this is the image I present to the world, not simply in my own private oasis in front of a mirror, an oasis I once felt imprisoned by. 

After eight years, the pleasure is undiminished. It’s so liberating being able to dress openly this way and for people to recognize and identify me as a woman. I love shopping for new dresses, shoes, handbags, everything, in fact, associated with femininity, amassing over this time, a huge collection to indulge in and experiment with daily.

I’m fortunate to have a job in academia where I’m fully accepted as a woman; to live in a country, New Zealand, in which it is relatively safe to present this way; to have friends who fully support me – those that didn’t are friends no more. I know this isn’t the case for everyone. But if you do fantasize about dressing openly, day and night, as a woman, and can, all things considered, do so without losing your job, being ostracized from friends, loved ones and family and in relative safety, why not do the same? It’ll transform your life, maybe for the better. And if like me, it becomes you, your only regret will be that you didn’t do it sooner.

The photographs I selected are typical of my daily style, some of which were taken at work before giving a lecture to hundreds of students who know me only as Ciara. You can probably tell from them that I love wearing pantyhose. My legs feel bare without them. As too my face without makeup on. The only time I don’t wear pantyhose is when going swimming at the beach or in winter, at the hot pools in my bathing suit, but still in makeup as you can see from the photo below. 

I’ve published two books reflecting on my experiences. Published in 2017, Man-Made Woman charts my transition and documents the effects, both on me and the people I encounter daily. It’s quite theoretical, so not necessarily a book I’d recommend unless you’re willing to put the work in and prepare yourself for challenging ideas on gender, sexuality and most of all, a society that casts us as freaks. 

Likewise, 2021’s The Future is Feminine, an excoriating critique of the effects of masculinization that living as a woman, it is difficult not to regard as a sickness. Living as a woman has a healing effect, a kind of therapy that addresses the damage done over the years by a self- and societally-enforced masculinization.

If you have the desire and the conditions afford it, feel the fear and do it anyway. Liberate your femininity. Become the woman you were always meant to be. It’ll change your perspective on life and, just as importantly, the world. If enough of us do so, maybe we can even change the world and make it a better, safer, less alienating place for everyone.

(Editor’s Note 1: Ciara will entertain your questions. Ask them in the Comments section below or email them to stana-stana at-sign sbcglobal.net) 

(Editor’s Note 2: The book links in this article go to Amazon.com. The books are also available from Australian bookseller Bloomsbury.)