Act Naturally

Man Carrying Purse

Elise wrote, “What are your thoughts on personality traits having gender associated with them? For example, why are some traits considered male or female, instead of just being a trait of a specific person regardless of their gender? 

My ex used to (mockingly) say that I was more of a woman than her because I am sensitive, compassionate, sentimental, etc, but I just see those as things that make me who I am. They don't mean there is something ‘wrong’ with me as a man, or that I should become a woman if I want to act that way. 

It just really bothers me when people are criticized for being their authentic selves and not meeting some societal standard of how a man or woman should act, instead of celebrated for being their authentic selves.”

I could be the poster boy/girl for ignoring society’s straitjackets for what makes a man or a woman.

Whenever I recount my trans biography, I usually mention that as a youngster, I participated in sports (baseball and football) and played “boy games” (cowboys, war, spacemen, etc.). I felt that I was a typical boy and I enjoyed doing “boy games,” unlike many of my trans sisters, who as children, hated “boy games” and preferred “girl games.”

I also mention that despite my participation and enjoyment of those boy things, other boys called me names like “sissy,” “fairy,” “faggot,” etc., which indicated to me that I was not necessarily all the boy I thought I was.

This was not just a case of bullies using random offensive names to raise my ire. Even a few of my friends told me that I was not acting like a boy at a 100% level and that I should do something about it.

I wondered if there was something in my mannerisms or speech that caused their reaction. I was not intentionally acting or speaking in an affected manner. Rather, I was speaking and acting in my natural manner, which I did not feel was feminine.

The fact that even friends told me that something was amiss indicated that something really was amiss, but I was clueless. I had no idea what I had to do differently to be more boy-like. So, I continued acting the same way I always acted and if someone called me a name, I hit them with my purse.

Even in high school, college and law school, I occasionally ran into guys, who commented on my particular flavor of masculinity, but I just shrugged them off and kept on truckin’. By then, I was crossdressing in secret and only coming out en femme for Halloween including an appearance in drag at a Halloween party in law school.

I will never forget a friend at that party telling me that he never realized how feminine my speech and mannerisms were until he saw me in drag. He indicated that my female costume was a perfect fit for my normal mannerisms and speech.

After mentioning this story at outreach one time, one of the students said that my mannerisms were feminine and that my friends and acquaintances had been in the ballpark in their estimation of me.

Yet, nothing has changed. I still do not affect a feminine persona. I still act naturally and no differently whether in boy mode or girl mode.

I admit that I do try to walk more like a woman when I am en femme and I talk more softly when I femulate (if I remember to do so), but most of what you get is the genuine me. And I am not changing a thing.

So to answer your question, Elise, I don’t put much stock in society’s standards regarding gender traits.

Source: Intermix