Stana’s blog post “Gender on My Mind” prompted me to examine a lifetime of gender thoughts.
There are some out there who discover their gender identity at an older age. The popular expression currently is “to have your egg crack.”
For me, I’ve always known and my narrative will mirror so many of you out there. I started crossdressing at 8 years old and have never stopped. I prayed myself to sleep hoping to wake up a girl. I did what I had to fit in and get along, but always felt I was just going through the motions. I never really had a passion for sports, academics, or career.
I joined the Air Force at the prodding of my parents. I did well in the Air Force in a technical field, a masculine environment where even the woman I worked with dressed as I did wearing fatigues.
When I got out of the Air Force, I still had no plans for my life or the future. I was offered a great job at a high-tech company, so I started work there. What I saw the first week there astonished me and made me realize why I felt so lost and aimless.
I never had been around or worked with office women. About half the employees were women and the dress of the day was professional, skirt suits, dresses, heels, pantyhose, make-up. Big hair and designer purses were de rigueur. They talked about fashion, family, cooking and romance. I could relate. I was enamored. These were my people, my tribe. I wanted so bad to be like them. I wanted in.
I remember getting my first paycheck and cashing it at the local bank, then going to the mall and buying a dress like one I has seen a woman wearing in the office. It was way too small, a size 10. I sat in the car and opened the bag and looked at it reflectively. I remember being so bewildered and confused and thinking please someone help me.
 |
| Wearing Lilla P |
 |
| Suzanne shopping selfie |
Paula
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of " pre internet people" around
Information was almost impossible to get hold of
Even dress sizes weren't easy unless you could get a few minutes alone with a clothing catalogue
It was a very steep learning curve with a lot of trial and error
Lucy
I've not seen the femulations of Marc Labrèche on this site. I thought he deserves a spot.
ReplyDeleteYamini
Thank you for sharing your story, Sweetie. I pray that all the "youngsters" reading this realize how fortunate they are to have Sisters that went before them to pave the way. If I had a resource like this, input from fellow cross dressers, when I was a teen-ager, I'm sure things would have turned out differently.
ReplyDeleteWhen we were growing up there was no counseling or support just condemnation you didn’t dare speak with you were feeling
DeleteI can remember the trial and error of buying my first dresses. Being six foot one I found that there were few dresses that fit my height. I ended up buying a few dresses with a defined waistline that made me look like an old guy who wears his pants pulled up to the nipples. I settled in with my style being empire waists, sheaths and wraps. Panties were another quicker trial and error. The read the size charts wrong before I realized a size 10 panty fell off my butt. A size 7 or 8 fit fine. Before the internet it was trying to figure out sizes with the Sears, JC Penny and other catalogues.
ReplyDeleteYes trial and error I can’t count how many dresses bras shoes and other types of clothing I bought because I was just guessing, what really helped me was finding a thrift store where I could use the fitting rooms and try on close, this help me develop a sense of style in what worked Paula G
DeleteI first saw a femulator in the sleazy "Confidential" magazine. Then, a few years later, I stumbled across "Transvestia" in a newsstand I was barely 13 years old. (Great storytelling -- and then, and then.....) But one day while on the bus to The National Mall I saw promotional posters that appeared to be of femulators -- it was for The Jewel Box Revue! Still 13, I went to a show and saw with my very eyes(!) real-life femulators and was hooked for life. My lifelong unrequited love affair with LaVerne Cummings also started with that show!
ReplyDeleteWow you had a lot of courage going to the jewel box review at such a young age, I would have loved to have gone, I remember my brother coming home from New Orleans with a brochure that showed edge for female impersonators on Bourbon Street I was totally captivated by this Paula G
DeleteI grew up with my teenage years in the 80's. And the skirt suit outfits and elegant blouses that the ladies wore, it so resonated with me. It is how I wanted to dress too. Like you said, my tribe.
ReplyDelete-Christina
Yes I use the word tribe as a vehicle to describe their way of life, customs, dress and language the woman in the office were so different from everything else I was exposed to but it just seem to click, as if I was raised and taken away and then brought back to my people
Delete