I am not religious, but do value Judeo-Christian culture, teachings and traditions. I also appreciate those that enjoy a sense of community and belonging by attending church. With this in mind, I began visiting a local Congregational church over the last year.
Some context: I pass extremely well (5'9", 28" waist, my hair is brown, medium-length bob). My voice is pretty good, too, but I might give out clues in a longer conversation with someone. I dress like any other female does wherever I am and carry myself with a sense of pride. At church, I always wear a conservative dress and low heels.
While I can't make every Sunday as I like to travel, I can usually make time once or sometimes twice a month. What I did not expect and so enjoy about these times is that there hasn’t been a Sunday that someone hasn’t stepped up with a smile and introduced themselves to me. Mostly it is the women who are more social.
When I walk in, I am thanked for coming. After the service in the fellowship room for coffee, I am always chatting with one, two or three women at a time. Yesterday, I met someone who shared my interest in the Detroit Symphony and ballet at the Michigan Opera Theater. It turns out that we had seen many of the same performances and seeing Misty Copeland dance is in our bucket list.
So with all the talk of a war (or push back) on aspects of the “trans movement,” it needs to be said that it isn’t everywhere or from everyone for any reason. I have no doubt that my pastor and some of the women I have befriended have or might have figured me out. But how does one explain the friendly faces, smiles, laughter from so many women and husbands?
Friendship is aspirational. When we meet someone we like, it is because we find aspects of them we admire.
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| Wearing Venus |
.png "To Angela Booth, everyday is dress day!") |
| To Angela Booth, everyday is dress day! |
Tami, I don't comment often, but today I felt it was important to say that every single you thing you said in your post today, I have had the exact same experience over the past six years or so, principally at two different churches. During the pandemic, when many churches went online, I went to different churches every week, knowing no one. Again, every single time, this was also my experience. I am by no means "passable", but I am the blendy Queen! This experience is across different denominations, different racial and social congregation demographics. If you really wish to go out and certainly in the case of a church, do so with respect, you will be rewarded 100 fold! Great story, my neighbor to the north!
ReplyDeleteYou know, everyones experience will vary, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. The respect component is easily seen by the members of any church.
DeleteI always enjoy reading posts of acceptance in a church. It gives me hope that more and more congregations will be welcoming and not judgemental. Unfortunately, my experiences are not so positive. I do not pass at all and my comfort zone is in-home. However, at the church I had attended for two decades there was growing intolerance and vocalization of that intolerance. It was the same at another church my daughter attended. My next door neighbor attend what she thought was an all-inclusive welcoming church until the pastor railed against the LGBQT+ community from the pulpit. All is not well in the nation as seen with laws proposed and enacted by state legislatures. But, again thanks for posting your account. It gives me hope.
ReplyDeleteIf one doesn't pass well, we cant blame others for acceptance. Ambiguity is difficult for anyone to tolerate. So visit those places where we are welcome.
DeleteTami
I attend a Unitarian Universalist church. Look it up. Very welcoming to LGBQT.
ReplyDeleteStana, thank you including Tami’s post. Over more than a quarter century I have been to many Methodist, Presbyterian, UCC, Roman Catholic and Episcopal churches and have always been warmly received. In today’s environment, I tend to stick with churches that affirm they are “reconciling” in Protestant denominations. But, it is important for folks to recognize that the polarization in our civic life infects all social institutions. Church’es reflect that divide, but so do schools, clubs, and even businesses. A sad state of affairs, but I am glad that there are churches where I can have my spiritual needs met where people are our allies, because it is good for me. Lisa P.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations for finding that acceptance. Likely you are doing everything right and giving others a reason to welcome you! If there were any negative comments on my attending, I would simply and politely move on. Tami
DeleteTami
ReplyDeleteFrom what you say, it would not be too dificult to join the Church and become another woman on the coffee rota
Lucy
Yes, I am fortunate, and I try to subtlety let others know I appreciate the acceptance. Tami
Deleteyes, and I count my blessings!
DeleteTami
I am married and closeted, but am in church most Sundays in male attire. I don't want to dishonour God by cross-dressing. I don't do it for pagan or immoral reasons. I am completely faithful to my wife. I know that if Lazarus can be raised from the dead, a man could surely be freed from his penchant for wearing skirts. I have prayed for this but have not yet had such a miraculous transformation.
ReplyDeleteI now need to wear support pantyhose for legitimate medical