Aspiration Is Inspirational

By Cathy Laura Peterson

Cathy Laura Peterson

Tami Knight closed her recent post with these lovely words, “friendship is aspirational, when we meet someone we like, because we find aspects of them we admire.” I absolutely confirm Ms. Knight’s perspective. I enjoy my regular visits to Femulate because it is very affirming and encouraging to know there are so many femulating women like me all across the country. Tami shared her lovely personal story of connecting with others in the everyday world as the woman she enjoys being. As I read about her experience, her aspiration became my inspiration to share my very similar experiences to her socializing at church.

I live in very open-minded LA. I’m mid-60s (but everyone tells me I look mid-50s). There are two “safe places” of cisgender gal-friends I see regularly, similar to Tami’s Congregational church. The first is a new-age/far-East influenced day-spa. The second is a women’s book club. 

I have been going to the spa every three to four weeks for over five years. The owner is an early 50s woman. The two female receptionists are early 40s. The staff of aestheticians, massage therapists, manicurists and beautician-stylists are ten gals and one male masseuse. They all only know me as Cathy and to quote Tami, it is these “women who are more social” and have been incredibly friendly and welcoming. Same as Tami, “I have no doubt that the owner and her staff have or might have figured me out, but how does one explain the friendly faces, smiles, and laughter from so many women?” The women at the spa are so fun to see. I love to hear, “Hi Cathy” or “she can sit right here” or “hello my dear, don’t you look lovely today,” or “let’s have her in salon number four today.”

The ladies’ book club was referred to me by the spa owner and the gal who has always done my Swedish massage for five years. Sharon has hosted the club for about 20 years at her beautiful (and huge) house on a quiet tree-lined street in Santa Monica. We are currently reading and discussing All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr. Most nights we are nine or ten women relaxed in a spacious living room with fireplace along with tea and scones. These gals also only know me as Cathy and once again, all I can do is wonder do they know? But they always treat me like any other woman in the group and this has carried over into meeting for coffee or lunch with three ladies I have become genuine friends with.

Granted, the westside of LA near the beaches is very progressive, PC and TG-friendly shops, clothing stores, restaurants, coffee shops, movie theaters, libraries, art galleries – so this provides the perfect environment to venture out as a woman among women. Perhaps all these gals know or at least suspect, but I have only experienced genuine kindness, laughs, fun conversations, smiles, hugs and a true acceptance among them simply as Cathy.

Tami’s thoughts on aspirational friendships are incredibly inspirational to me as I have navigated this delicate walkway at the spa and Sharon’s home these many years. And I can wholeheartedly say that being with women as Cathy only makes me wish to aspire to even more female friendships who will only know me as Cathy Laura Peterson. Times at the spa and book club are far and away the most relaxing, affirming and encouraging places to be as Cathy and I am so grateful for these ladies. Hopefully, you too will also be inspired to aspire to such opportunities for friendship with women solely as a woman. 

Side Note: I echo Tami’s words, “My voice is pretty good, but I might give out clues in a longer conversation and I dress like any other female wherever I am and carry myself with a sense of pride.” One fun outcome from my many years of individual and group gender identity counseling therapy has been for me to aspire to three female archetypes in my clothing, hairstyles and overall look when I aspire in public (these arose out of my therapist’s passion for Depth Psychology). 

First is Beachy BoHo Casual Pinterest Shabby Chic. Second is Professional Business Woman (law firm, accounting office, bank, finance company, etc.). And third is Elegant Garden Party/Wedding Reception/Bridal Shower/High Tea. For the spa and book club, I usually aspire to the Beachy BoHo Casual Pinterest Shabby Chic archetype and blend in very well like one of the gals.

I do envy Tami for her more traditional feminine dimensions. Like Stana, I pass very well in public even though I’m definitely a tall woman at 6 feet 2 – but 183 pounds with a 31-inch waist and long slender legs. My own hair is very full so I wear it in an age-appropriate style just over my collar all around. I have invested seven years with a naturopath-homeopathic gal’s prescribed intensive daily regimen of plant-based phytoestrogen extracts and capsules (alongside diet and exercise) resulting in amazing natural breast development. I now measure 39-31-35, wear Misses 10 or 12 and 36C bra. Also like Stana, I can no longer be without a shirt with family, friends, neighbors – so I have settled into good ways to stay covered and flattened. But it’s a very small price to pay as I aspire to acceptance among women as a woman.

Wearing Bella Dahl

Kayky Brito (left) femulating in Brazilian television’s Pepper Chocolate (Chocolate con Pimenta).