A Woman in Pants

On Monday, Hannah, one of my favorite bloggers, wrote, “When we are en femme, I believe we become a different person.”

In response, I say, “It depends.”

There are femulators, who for legitimate reasons compartmentalize their male life and their female life. So much so that when they are en femme, they do become a different person. I propose that this is probably the case with most femulators.

Then there are femulators like me. 

As I have written here in the past, I am a feminine guy... always was. However, for the first half of my life, I did not know it and was confused by the abuse I received from my peers for being so. Boys called me names like “sissy,” “fairy,” “faggot,” etc.

This was not just a case of bullies using random offensive names to raise my ire. Even a few of my friends told me that I was not acting like a boy at a 100% level and that I should do something about it.

I wondered if there was something in my mannerisms or speech that caused their reaction. I was not intentionally acting or speaking in an affected manner. Rather, I was speaking and acting in my natural manner, which I did not feel was feminine.

The fact that even friends told me that something was amiss indicated that something really was amiss, but I was clueless. I had no idea what I had to do differently to be more boy-like. So, I continued acting the same way I always acted and if someone called me a name, I’d hit them with my purse.

However, as I became more involved with crossdressing, I finally realized that I was indeed feminine and that crossdressing was a perfect fit for my feminine personality. 

This was not just self-deception. 

I will never forget a friend of mine at a Halloween party telling me that he never realized how feminine my speaking and mannerisms were until he saw me dressed as a woman. He indicated that my female costume was a perfect fit for my normal mannerisms and speech.

After mentioning this story at outreach one time, one of the students confirmed that my mannerisms were feminine and that my friends and acquaintances had been right on the mark in their estimation of me. That I was a woman in pants, a girl in boy’s clothing. And when I crossdressed, I did not become a different person; rather I adjusted my wardrobe to conform with my feminine self.

South Korean singing group Brown Eyed Girls created this video for their song “Wonder Woman.” The video is gender role reversal personified with boys dressed as brides and women dressed as grooms. You can view the video on YouTube.