By Kandi Robbins
I am a 61-year-old transwoman. Like many of you, legally I am male, but essentially, I am a woman. Life’s circumstances prevent me from going any further than this. As such, I have sought to build a female life that brings me pleasure and peace. I have become a serial volunteer all around Cleveland, working for The Cleveland Museum of Art, the Arthritis Foundation, the American Heart Association, the Diversity Center of Northern Ohio and this evening, I will be working one of the principal fundraisers for the Providence House. Providence House provides much needed crisis nursery services for those in desperate need in our area. There are many other places I work as well.
Kandi
My mission in life is to demonstrate that we can live in the mainstream as women, even though we are unable to go down the difficult road to transition due to the circumstances of our lives.
I have also been able to work actively as a model and an actress as Kandi. I am Kandi.
I reluctantly started a Facebook account about a year ago as it was the principal means of networking within the communities mentioned above. I do have a male Facebook account. It is principally inactive and was only established to belong to a certain group I am in. I rarely use it.
My fear in setting up Kandi’s Facebook account was that Mark Zuckerberg and his algorithm would out me, possibly costing me my job and potentially creating issues for my family that they do not deserve. So when I set up Kandi’s account, I used a nearby suburb as my location (not my actual location) and selected a different birthday because I feared by accessing either account from the same location (our home), Facebook would cross-pollinate the two. In the meantime, I have built significant contacts through my cross pollinate account that are quite valuable to me.
Fast forward to December 9, 2022, and someone hacked my account. Facebook locked it down to “protect” me. And they will not unlock it without a legal form of ID. Kandi, legally, is not a person, so legally, she has no identification. I have tried on numerous occasions to submit my driver’s license with an explanation. I have done the same from my male Facebook account.
I have sent numerous emails to Facebook to various email addresses I could find online. I have tried calling. I have provided my legal male information alongside my female information, at great discomfort to me. Bottom line, they will not offer me (nor anyone else) the ability to contact them. They simply reject my submission time after time with no explanation or other option to prove who I am. A more arrogant organization does not exist.
Any of their “help” can only be accessed as a member and being locked out, I have no access. (Catch 22)
There are millions and millions of us on Facebook with the same potential situation. If I did not have so much invested in these contacts, I would simply walk away and continue to distain Facebook for the scourge that it is.
Facebook has locked me out simply because I am transgender. At least that is how I see it.
If you can offer any suggestions, you can reach me through my blog, Kandi’s Land, listed on the right side of Femulate’s screen. Thank you.
For further reading, Femulate has addressed this issue in the past, notably here, here and here.
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| Wearing Cynthia Rowley |
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| Pamela Ray Christmas shopping at Locationan outlet centre in Perth, Western Australia. |
I don't think this is unique to Facebook, there are all sorts of situations where we have to prove who we are, and if our ID does not match we are "locked out" of services. A few years back my Daughter changed her name, but did not change her passport because of the cost. Here in the UK we are about to introduce a requirement for official photo ID to vote, as she does not have a passport she will in effect be disenfranchised!
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand I have been able to legally change my name, my gender and all of my paperwork now matches who I am. Even so when I had my credit cards stolen recently one of teh credit companies refused to believe that I was indeed who I said I was when I phoned up to report the theft. Because of that delay an extra £300 was extracted from my account! ~ the bank did eventually refund the money, but there's little they can do about the frustration and the loss of confidence this causes.
Unfortunately, having two genders only allows for one of them to be "legal". Thanks for the support!!
DeleteKandi
ReplyDeleteFirst I want to commend you for all of the volunteer work you do and what a wonderful example you set for transgender women everywhere all too often controversial examples and depictions of transgender women are put forth in the media, not only are you a great example but you’re also somebody I want to be like and wish I was living my life as you are, being in the same situation I can’t transition but would love to live life as you do volunteering and expressing my femininity you go girl and I hope this Facebook mess it straightened out warmest regards Paula G
Thank you Paula, you are very sweet!!
DeleteIf there a more wretched hive of scum and villainy? 😉
ReplyDeleteFacebook have an Oversight Board who are not employees and they arbitrate on decisions around blocked content. It may be worth contacting them to see if they will let you appeal on the blocking.
https://www.facebook.com/help/346366453115924
Facebook's stance on legal ID causes issues for non trans folk as well. For example, people fleeing domestic abuse or stalkers.
I will certainly give that a try, thanks so much Lynn!
Deleteimpossible to deal with robot-like people. the answer is to do what you have done already-lie-set up another account. there is no way you can deal with these robot people.with credit cards I set up Emily as a secondary on a male credit card so the male can handle problems but the credit card still reads "emily'
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately it's not my presence ion Facebook that is an issue, it's the valuable contact information I developed there. Thanks Emily!
DeletePam, looking terrific as always, Wishing you all the best, Gianna.
ReplyDeleteKandi, I sympathise with you, I have to regularly sweep out recommended friends from my fb accounts in the hope that my friends don’t get them in their feed.
I’m not sure if it helps, but I use different internet servers, in my case, google for Gianna and safari for male mode.
My problem was that someone hacked me. I was very able to keep the two separate. Thanks for the support!
DeleteKandi, I have 2 FB accounts under similar circumstances. I see FB as a necessary evil. I am so sorry you were hacked. I am certain that my fem account would be closed for me if I got hacked. What a pain for you! Don’t be deterred. You are a great example and you will find a way to get past this. Lisa P
ReplyDeleteI know I am literally one of millions with the same situation, but there is simply no way to rebuild my extensive list of contacts. Thanks my dear!
DeleteRemember that scene near the end of Band of Brothers where Winters swims peacefully in the lake? That’s what it’s like getting off Facebook. But as already has been mentioned, making a new account is the only way. Then just inform all your contacts…in person. I know, the irony!
ReplyDeleteThe problem is all the contacts are all over the world, literally. It's only a core of a hundred or so, but this is the only way to contact them. Thanks!
DeleteFacebook can be very worrying
ReplyDeleteOne of my neighbours, who does not know about my female side, is part of a local Facebook group
She has put a lot about me on it, including pictures
I do not know what is there or who is seeing it
The last thing I want is any mention of my interest in dressing on there
I never have been on Facebook and never will be
Lucy
I envy you that but had to do so for business reasons. We should all be worried about it.
DeleteThis is the reason to avoid using FB unless you are just are a viewer not a poster and use a fake account.
ReplyDeleteHugs Brenda
I did avoid FB for years, but needed it for business reasons. And the fact that it is a fake account is my problem right now! Believe me, I hate that I need this FB account. Thanks Brenda!
ReplyDelete