But, sometimes people react in ways that affirm your womanhood and your “hope for the best” becomes reality.
One of those realities occurred over dinner when I attended Fantasia Fair. I was chatting with two new trans friends and we were discussing passing.
During our discussion, I mentioned how I always thought my voice gave me away. They retorted that my voice was perfect. And then they added that at the orientation brunch where they saw me for the first time, they thought I was the spouse of another attendee, that is, they thought I was a cisgender female!
Convincing another transwoman that you are cisgender female is remarkable, but convincing two transwomen simultaneously is even better!
Convincing a cisgender female is affirming, too.
Out shopping one day, I was wearing white shorts, a multi-colored top, pink scarf, black bag and white wedges (see photo). As I was looking through the racks at JCPenney, a middle-aged woman (probably younger than me) approached me and asked, “Can I ask you a question?”
I had no idea what she was going to ask (“What time is it?” “Where did you buy your shoes?” “Are you a man?”). I girded my loins, smiled and agreed to answer her question.
“You're dressed fashionably, so I'd like your opinion about a pair of slacks I was thinking about buying.”
Wow! I certainly did not see that coming!
We discussed the merits of the slacks. I did not like what she had picked out and suggested something with a bolder pattern. She admitted that she really did not like what she had picked out and liked my suggestion better.
I pointed out a skirt with a pattern similar to what I had in mind and her eyes lit up as she said, “I saw slacks with that pattern. Now I just have to find them again! Thank-you for your help.”
“Good luck,” I said.
Then I took a deep breath.
“Oh, my God!” I screamed to myself.
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| Wearing Cult Gaia |
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| Darrell Raynor was the author of A Year Among the Girls, which documented the weekend femulators who gathered in an upstate New York B&B to be girls unimpeded by mid-20th Century society. Published in 1968, it opened my eyes to the world of femulating (that I was not alone) and revealed to me its possibilities. |
I totally agree - I have reached the point where I get dressed and go out in full confidence that I am presenting the best possible Me that I can, and let the public react as they may. It has given my outings a sense of fun and excitement instead of fear and cowering. Having 2 cisgeder girl friends coach me over the last 3 years has helped, too!
ReplyDeleteWell, how good was that..? It don't get any better..!
ReplyDeleteAfter I purchased a book and after a brief chat with the SA she concluded the sale with the usual "have a nice day... Sir". Very deflating to a lady's ego.
I've had that happen also very upsettting
DeleteSometimes the 'sir' comment is done with malice Just keep on 'keepin on'.
DeleteVelma.
Unfortunately the first time I got sprung was when my two next-door neighbours entered the elevator in which we were all going to the same floor on which we all lived. However they were a mother and daughter and when their jaws had finished dropping we all had a good laugh and they complimented me on my appearance and choice of clothes.
ReplyDeleteThey never mentioned the occasion again!
Those moments when you pass are so validating, being asked if I worked there while browsing in the Nordstroms ladies department, being told "wow you are a tall girl" and once in a wig store while trying on wigs I asked the sales person if they had many men in the store to buy wigs, she was truly perplexed as to why I asked that and only after using my male voice did she realize I was transgender.
ReplyDeleteAlso one time in a hotel bar business man was meeting a female colleague and came up and asked if I was her "Diana?" Diana Bensen?"
But there were the sirs to contrast that UGH! Most of the sirs were when a clerk read my credit card and proceeded to say thank you sir!!!
I had a comparative encounter with a woman in one of the former Penney's Outlet stores. I had scored some really good clothing, and the lady behind me in line spoke to me. "You really have some beautiful clothes there. I wonder if you'd let me show you what I have and give me your opinion". I said, "Sure", and she went through her pile of clothes. She had some nice items, but I had to roll my eyes at a couple wildly colored dresses.
ReplyDeleteWe were in a long line, and she zipped over to where the dresses were and changed some items. I told her they were much nicer, and I commented on how well made they were. She said, "Thanks. You crossdressers have such good taste". She went on to say how meticulous we are and then what a good shopper I was. She envied one of my dresses, but I pointed out it was about 3-4 sizes too big for her. I held it up to myself and told her how well it fit me. We checked out and went our separate ways.
For those of you not familiar with the Penney's Outlet stores, they were stocked with items sold through their catalog. Items that didn't sell after some time period were sent to the outlet. They also had a large section with clothing that had been returned -- with very deep discounts. It was a good destination for me because Penney's had a large selection of plus and tall plus fashions, the latter was my "hunting ground". Love those big, tall clothes! I miss those outlet stores and the shopping adventures I had in them. My encounter with the lady was in their Reading, PA outlet store, a sort of "mother ship" of their outlet stores. Their selection was 2x-3x larger than the stores around Baltimore or DC.
So pleased for you! And squeeeeeeee! That's it, I have nothing more to say, just... yes, what a lovely feeling!
ReplyDeleteI could not find a copy of "A Year Among the Girls" that was a reasonable price.
ReplyDeleteI am curious if the meeting place was the same/related to The Casa Susana B&B?
Velma
Mikkib
ReplyDeleteI also loved JC Penney Outlets!
They also had a special catalog they issued once every three months, that was the Outlets clearance book, loved the tall and larger selections.
But being down in the Virginia Mountains it was a eight hour trip to Reading, only made it twice.
But they would ship the items to their local store catalog desk for far less than normal shipping costs.
Their phone order in house service did not mind taking 30 minute to one hour long Orders!
The Ladies enjoyed being sure the sizes were correct and several times said thank you , you are not the only long Orders we take from around the Country (by Men) .
The ladies at the catalog desks of the two local stores became familiar with me and my Orders.
And smiled every time with what seemed real enjoyment!
Sara