Dee responded to Friday’s post, Dressing Your Age, More or Less.
It boggles my mind when femulators (thanks, Stana) can have these two thoughts going on in their head simultaneously:
1. When I’m out in public, I expect others to be tolerant of me; and
2. OMG, do you see what she’s wearing?
In short, tolerance for me, but none for thee.
We don’t want people making fun of us, but we are happy to jump on others because they don’t dress the way we approve? How hypocritical. How condescending. How rude.
Here is a sample.
“Truly, I wonder who these sisters believe they are appealing to and I have come to the conclusion that their choices are determined by wanting to look like someone that they themselves would be attracted to, as well as what clothing they have access to purchasing. Maybe they only feel comfortable buying the discards at the local goodwill or someplace else that affords cheap prices and anonymity while shopping.”
Rubbish.
Every post Stana includes a picture which says “Femulate Her.” There are a lot of cute outfits and some might be “age inappropriate,” according to some.
I suggest instead that instead of bowing to someone else’s judgment, we make our own decisions and ignore judgments like the one above.
Recently, I had a great interaction with a store manager, Kira, in Melbourne, Australia. She asked me if the clothes I was wearing made me feel confident because they should make you feel confident. All I know is that I walked into her store and saw the top she was wearing and I decided I wanted that top. She’s 22 and a genetic girl and gorgeous – I’m none of the above – and I bought the top and wore it out of the store with confidence (see photo above).
Enough with the shaming of others because they don’t dress the way you think they should. If you want tolerance for yourself for how you dress, you must have tolerance for how others dress. Otherwise, you’re not helping our community, you’re harming it.
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| Wearing Venus |
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| Femulating in the early 1960’s |
When I first let me ex-wife in to my realisation that I was transgender, she expressed worry that my comments about clothing in the past tended toward 'too-old' and would make me stick out as an 'old woman'.
ReplyDeleteI shall be honest, I dress in what I do because it looks good and because, more importantly, it feels 'right' to me. Do I look like an 'old woman'? I have literally no idea. I know I feel like me though. Am I dressing 'too young'? I have literally no idea. I think it dangerous to pass judgement on the grounds of "what they do is making my life more difficult" because then we fall prey to that judgement of a group by individuals within it fallacy that so characterises the GC and TERF crowds - yes, I am aware they are the same bigots.
Put another way: I have never wanted to put a fish or cross on my car because then people would associate my driving with my Christianity, for example. dctalk did a decent job of explaining this in the track 'What if I stumble?' - I am trying *not* to give myself the same pressure as a transwoman. To apply that pressure to others I find... worrisome.
That's my tuppence'th anyway.
Venus fashions often appear in Stana's "Femulate Her" segment. While there is lots of their clothing that I wouldn't put on my 80-year old body, yes, "too young", there are a few that work for my "fit in with the crowd" personal style. And the good thing I've found is that so far everything I've found in my 1X size has fit very nicely -- and the arm length works for me, too. That's a rare exception in the women's clothes I see. Most of the long sleeves I see are 3-6 inches short in the arms. Land's End is the other clothing store that has sleeves long enough for my 32-33 inch arms. And..... a big plus is that they seem to have a regular supply of fashions with polka dots -- I'm a fool for polka dots!
DeleteHappy dressing, girls! There's something for all of us out there. If anyone has found other stores that offer longer sleeves, let us know. I get tired of buying a long-sleeved top or dress, only to have to wear it as a 3/4 sleeve garment.
Joanna, I enjoyed your post. I also tend to dress a bit older for my age. I would consider myself a demure conservative dresser, longer calf length skirts and blouses etc. I don't like the term "fashion" because it is more of a sweeping movement. I like "style" better. If I dressed with the thought of fashion I would not be me. My "style" is me, and if I am a somewhat frumpy lady by "fashion" sense so be it. But my style has me put together and it is me. At the end of the day "you be you" is what people should strive for.
DeleteI remember all that tacky furniture everybody had back in the 1960s, but the thing that dates this photo for me is the bullet bra she's wearing. If she took that outfit outside I hope she didn't poke anyone's eye out! "Knockers up"!
ReplyDelete"You know you're outing yourself don't you? Women don't wear skirts or hose." Yup, a friend actually told me that. Then she went on to tell me that if I wanted to blend in with cis women, I needed to watch what they wear and follow suit. Not happening! First off, I have no desire to "blend." My sense of style is my own and I want others to see it because I'm proud of the way I dress. I'm not inclined to wear something because everyone else is wearing it. My decision to wear a skirt or to clad my legs in hose is not up for debate and I wouldn't pass judgment on another for they decision to wear something I wouldn't. I wear what seems fashionable to "me" and what makes "me" comfortable. Passing judgment on someone else because we don't like it is just plain wrong.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Sally
I think it is time that we talk with our purse ladys. I your planing a vacation south please stay out of Florida. The government here is rather hostile to the LGBTQ population. Might I suggest a trip to the islands.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Dee. Sincerely.
ReplyDeleteMonique, you're welcome.
ReplyDeleteDee
What you wear depends on what you want to do
ReplyDeleteDo you want to stick out like a sore thumb in a group of non TG women or disappear amongst them?
Lucy
CATTINESS
ReplyDeleteWhat woman or femulator is NOT just a bit catty, whilst judging women and their respective styles?
I do a lot of catti-commentary while watching tube with darling bride. Mostly she is in agreement whenever I lay waste to a bad outfit.
After all, I do a lot of her clothes shopping, and she likes what I choose.
Velma
I went all catty just the other day with the 'two leopard' conflicting outfit.
i knew this person...was my first friend when i moved to LA in 70
ReplyDelete