Switching Teams

Women are taking over.

My editor was a woman.* My supervisor was a woman.* My manager was a woman.* My Vice President is a woman.

In the not-too-distant past, men filled those positions. Now women are filling those roles and obsolescencing the men.

And it is happening everywhere in both the private and public sectors. Women are breaking through the glass ceiling and erecting new ceilings to keep men in a newfound place, i.e., reporting to women.

The women’s team is on a roll and is winning big time in the war between the sexes. If you don’t want to face the future as a second-class citizen, join the other team before it’s too late.

Crossdressing is one way to switch teams and begin fitting into the new woman’s world. And you don’t have to go full femme glam from the get-go. Instead, you can ease yourself into playing for the other team.

Start with a little makeup (lip gloss and mascara) and have your hair permed and highlighted.

Replace your T-shirt and boxers with sports bras and figure-shaping panties.

Buy a couple of pantsuits and maybe a pearl set. (While you are at the mall shopping for your new wardrobe, get your ears pierced, too.)

Knee-highs will do for now, but you must buy a pair of killer power pumps to show that you really mean business. Three-inch heels or higher will show the women that you are serious about playing on their team.

If you don’t have a manbag already, buy a designer pocketbook to carry your wallet, keys. cell phone, compact, makeup, etc. because women’s pants usually have no pockets, in case you didn’t know. (There are a lot more things you will learn playing on the women’s team.)

To show solidarity with your teammates, consider a name change. At a minimum, drop your “maiden name” and depending on whether you are married or single, use your wife or mother’s surname in its place. Also, again depending on whether you are married or single, start using “Mrs.” or “Ms.” as your courtesy title instead of “Mr.” You might even subtly feminize your first name, for example, change Rick to Ricki, Donald to Donni, Chris to Chrissy, etc.

Nothing will get you kicked off the team faster than bad bathroom etiquette, so be sure to put the toilet seat down after you use the lady’s room. Even better, get used to urinating in the seated position and give your feet a rest from wearing those killer pumps all day.

Those are the minimum requirements for playing successfully on women’s team. But be alert. If you see your old golfing buddy down the street going to work in a dress, then it is time to step it up, shave your legs and visit Lane Bryant for some additional wardrobe adjustments.

* - Before I retired.

Wearing Zuhair Murad

Femulate reader Mikki with a new “Baltimore Big” hairdo after seeing the Trocaderos,