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| Did my waiter think “typical crossdresser” when I asked him to take this photo? |
This was not a one time occurrence. Rather, it occurs any time I am out en femme.
Reviewing the evening is a good example of what I do.
The Smoker
As I exited the hotel to drive to the restaurant, a young man was smoking a cigarette outside the exit. As I walked out the door, he gave me the once-over and I began trying to read his mind.
Why are you checking me out? Do I look pretty to you or do I look pretty bad? Am I the first crossdresser you ever saw? Just in case, I will sashay to my car to try to affirm my womanhood in your eyes.
The Maître d’
Entering the restaurant, I encountered a 30-something maître d’. He smiled, welcomed me, and asked to take my coat.
As I removed my coat, I began mind-reading.
Do you think I am a woman or a man in a dress? Are you treating me nicely because you don’t care what I am, as long as I have money to spend or are you treating me nicely because I am an attractive female customer?
After he took my coat, he asked me to wait a second while he checked to see what tables were available and I continued mind-reading:
Are you looking for a table in a dark corner to hide the crossdresser or are you just looking for a table for one?
Turned out that the table was on the veranda amidst other customers.
The Busgirl
After the maître d’ showed me to my table, a pretty 20-something busgirl came to my table to remove the extra place setting. She smiled broadly as she said, “Good evening.”
After I returned my “good evening,” I tried to read her mind.
Why are you smiling at me like that? Are you on the verge of laughing at the man in a dress or are you just being very cordial?
The Waiter
Next, a 20-something waiter arrived to take my drink order. He also had a big smile on his face and was very cordial.
Are you on the verge of laughing at me, too? Has the word spread amongst the whole restaurant staff that a crossdressing customer is in their midst?
The Rest of the Waitstaff
It seems I had the only male waiter in the restaurant. The other two that I saw were female and were young and pretty to boot. When I caught their eye, they smiled and said, “Hello.”
Are you checking out the crossdresser, too, or are you just being cordial?
The Two Women
Two women customers sat opposite me at a table situated 90 degrees to mine. If I looked straight ahead, I looked at them. I did not want to be rude, so I tried looking out the window to my left or into the restaurant on my right, but my vision always reverted back to them and I am sure they were aware of my predicament.
Finally, the younger of the two looked my way, caught my eye, smiled and asked me, “How are you?”
That broke the ice and we three made pleasant small talk for awhile and they seemed to accept me as another woman, but that did not stop my mind-reading.
Was my voice too low when I last spoke? Did I give myself away? Did I put some doubts in their mind about my womanhood? Will they kick me out of the “girls’ club” now?
If they had any doubts, they did not indicate it because we continued speaking off and on until they left.
And so it goes
That’s me: always the perfectionist, never satisfied, always worried that my femulation is lacking in some way.
Mind-reading does not prevent me from enjoying my times out en femme, but I wonder if I would find more enjoyment if I did not try to mind-read.
On the other hand, maybe my concern about my femulation makes me a better femulator. I want to be the best woman I can be, so perhaps mind-reading helps me to achieve that goal.
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| Wearing Venus |
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| Lily Roberts, beach girl |
I've often said that if I could have a superpower, it would be to read people's minds... only when we first met, and only for a few seconds.
ReplyDeleteBut I bet minority people, or people who present outside society's mold would enjoy the same power.... I mean the woman who dyed her hair green, or the guy with the ear gauge, or the extreme tattoo guy, or the emo lady, or the five-foot fourteen inch woman. ;-)
Stana, I think you've touched on something common among us girls. However, for me, I find that I don't wonder what others are thinking nearly as much as I used to. It mostly has to do with me being comfortable in my feminine skin. I also find that I am no longer the "sensation" I once was, most likely a function of our how commonplace we have become. Still, there are times when I'm surprised by the reactions of some. Just recently, a girlfriend and I met for dinner and the buzz our presence generated in the smallish restaurant had me convinced we were the first trans women to ever dine there.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this post! Having never gone out among the civilians, i would think it would be inevitable to have these thoughts. But I also wonder if it would be paralyzing? That you can get so focused on worst case scenarios that one would head for the safety of home? I would like to think that, with each "successful" trip into the world, a woman's confidence grows until she is just free to be.
ReplyDeleteCiao! Elise
Great post! I go through the same things everytime I go out as my authentic self.
ReplyDeleteDear Stana
ReplyDeletethank you for posting my picture. I love swimsuits. Black maybe a bit boring, but figure forgiving. The most wear I get is sitting on my apartment balcony to get some summer sun.
Lily
This reminds me of a time 30 years ago in the early '90's when a friend and I went to lunch crossdressed to a swanky place in the Central West End of Saint Louis.
ReplyDeleteIt was a nice day so we decided to eat outside at their sidewalk patio, to probably be even more on display to the local foot traffic. I invited my wife to go with us, with the caveat that we enter separately and that she eat at the bar for the primary purpose of listening to the scuttle about the two transvestites eating on the patio. She was really up for it as she was going to write a story.
Anyway the comments she heard from the staff while sitting at the bar were priceless. Lots of staff, including those from the kitchen (cooks, dishwashers, etc.) had to make a trip to the patio for some faux reason to see the "trannies". By the way we went to lunch at 1:30, during the week, so the typical work crowd was long gone and the pace had slowed significantly for the staff.
It was a very impressionable experience for us. In retrospect, all I can say is that the times sure have changed.
Angel Amore
There is a song by Bob Seger called turn the page. The song is not about cross dressers. But there are two verses in the song I often think about when I’m out and about. I’m sure you all know which two verses I’m talking about...lol....I sing them in my head for a good chuckle sometimes.
ReplyDeleteWow I do that all the time. The only difference is it does limit my enjoyment as I get anxious.
ReplyDeleteThere is something to be said for 'living in the moment'
ReplyDelete-- to be fully involved in the 'here and now', especially in 'enfemme' mode.
You will have another time and place to 'mindread', 'do instant replay', 'do woulda, coulda, shoulda'...ect... After whatever, whomever you should encounter.
I do close observation and 'mind (or scene? or perhaps body language) reading' when watching well directed, well written movies, ect... With this technique, I find more depth, meaning and enjoyment in the effort.
Velma
Lately I've been going to the movies en femme--which not-so-long ago seemed crazy to me. What I find, however, is that I completely stop trying to mind-read and am truly able to just 'be'.
ReplyDeleteWho becomes the model in these salons?
ReplyDeletehttps://www.mic.com/articles/126275/these-makeup-transformations-will-help-you-rethink-how-you-view-gender
WHO? Anybody who is 'packing their Visa Card' and is out of their hometown for the weekend.....
DeleteI know of cd/ts friends who have visited various 'transformation parlors' in Reno, Vegas, Chicago, Mpls. PITTSBURG? https://www.m2fantasy.com/
V.
FAIT ACCOMPLI
ReplyDeleteI just finished a short article on the business practice of "Impression Management".
Certainly a recurrent theme in this days blog...
"An ounce of image beats a pound of performance." From the book "The Peter Principle" by Dr. Lawrence J. Peter
Perhaps this is why I bought (many younger, hornier, unmarried years ago..) that FAKE ROLEX from a coworker nicknamed "Big Daddy".....
Seemed to go well with the 280ZX on Saturday Night...
Velma