The first time I attended a support group meeting, I knew no one. The person running the group emailed me where the group’s meeting hall was located, but she was not in attendance, so I did not even have one person to lean on at the meeting.To make matters worse, instead of welcoming a newcomer and trying to make me feel comfortable, I got the cold shoulder. After less than a half-hour, I got out of Dodge, drove home and swore that was my first and last support group meeting.
But I had to get out of the house en femme and even though the support group meeting hall was just another closet, it was a step out of the home closet, so I went back. And the second time, a couple of people talked with me and I started feeling more welcomed.
It is likely that when a newcomer shows up at a support group meeting, it is her first time out of the home closet. She is probably very stressed out and needs all the help she can get.
I never forgot that first meeting and I promised myself that whenever a newcomer showed up, I would go out of my way to welcome her and chat with her if she was so predisposed.
I made some long-time friends that way.
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Piotr Gawron-Jedlikowski femulating Magdalena Narozna on Polish television’s Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo (Your Face Sounds Familiar) You can view the femulation on YouTube. |
Your actions are what Clifton StrengthFinders describe as Woo. You are the kind of person who goes out of her way to make new members to the group feel welcome. Once they've acclimated, people whose personality trait is Woo move on to the next person to ensure they are assimilated into the group as well. It's a wonderful personality trait to have and share with others.
ReplyDeleteYou could throw in Empathy and possibly Individualism* if we're talking StrengthFinder 😉
Delete( * Where the person matters more than the group )
Great that you kept going and used that experience to make everyone's lives easier; sad that you had to experience it like that.
ReplyDeleteMy first visit was quite recently and there was a warm welcome indeed, I cannot fault it. May we all strive to keep that welcoming approach that you embody.
All the groups I've wandered into here in Baltimore or DC have been very welcoming. An exception might have been here in Baltimore. Our leader, Tasi Renta, was brutally murdered. After that we got a new leader and our group turned sharply toward transitioning. Since I was -- still am -- a crossdresser I noticed new ladies were given the cold shoulder if they weren't TG, and eventually I got frozen out. My new group, a Tri-Ess chapter, tripped all over themselves to be nice and helpful. After that group pooped out, Meetup groups emerged to take its' place, all of which take great care to make new ladies very welcome.
ReplyDeletewhen i came out of "retirement" a few years ago, i went once again to the local trans social group (having visited it on the odd occasion when i first came out over a decade before). the primary reason for doing so was that they offered a place to get ready in before having the option to either hang out there for the evening or head out to other bars nearby (it was in the middle of the manchester gay village)
ReplyDeletei felt it would be somewhat rude to use it just for that purpose though, so always made a point of having at least one drink there before i considered moving on. the hostess was always very welcoming, but other than that i remember getting totally ignored by the old guard/inner circle that were holding court on their "own" table
brits are of course known for their coolness and reserve towards strangers anyway, and cliques exist within all forms of social groups. and i suspect trans ones are probably no exception in that regard to at least some degree. but this particular clique was without exception very old, dowdy and somewhat unconvincing. and at the risk of sounding big-headed, i suspect one reason i was ignored was that they viewed me with a tinge of jealousy for being none of those things (in relative terms, anyway). which may well have been the reason stana got the cold-shoulder?
I'm sorry to hear you got the cold shoulder. I think the better groups welcome new people and know that without members, they will wither away.
ReplyDeletelynn, i presume you are commenting on stana rather than myself. but i thought i should mention anyway that is what did in fact happen to the trans social group i attended (that as far as i know is now no more, other than a website). i suspect one reason was the "old maids" clique (meanfully or otherwise) putting off prospective new members who were already extremely nervous taking their first steps into that environment?
Deletebut times change anyway, and the trans scene has changed with it. when the club started up in the 80's it was a lot more furtive and underground than it is now, with many members never daring to even step out the front door into the gay village dressed for fear of being recognised or worse. these days though, i hear that the younger generation actually go out clubbing on the straight scene - never mind the gay haunts. so why would they want to restrict themselves to a private members' club?
Friction between people transitioning and cross dressesr is more widespread than I thought
ReplyDeleteI saw it on Roses, a UK forum for Tgirls a few years ago
it does not exist now
I think being jealous of others who look better than they do is normal amongst all women regardless of who they are
Lucy
A few years ago I went to a meeting of a cross-dressers/trans club in Brisbane (Australia) for the first time and was completely frozen out. It was as if I didn't exist. The regulars were wrapped up in their recent exploits/experiences and in their forthcoming events. I never went back.
ReplyDelete