Gina's post about selecting a femme name prompted me to consider my femme name and my identity.
In the closet, I did not need a femme name. There was just me, dust and spiders – no one was going to address me by name, so why bother wasting time coming up with one.
Slinking out of the closet, I suddenly needed a femme name because all the guys on CompuServe’s Genderline went by girl names, not their guy names. I quickly came up with the name “Staci” because it was derivative of my male name (Stanley > Stanislaus > Anastacia > Staci).
Haste makes waste. Although I went by Staci for a long time, I was never happy with my name selection. And then I discovered the name “Stana,” quickly dropped Staci and began introducing Stana to the world. It was unique (I must have known a half-dozen girls like us named Staci/Stacy/Stacie) and its roots were Slavic, just like me.
Among the people in our community I look up are the folks who are public about their femulating, that is, femulators without secret identities. I am referring to the likes of Michael/Miqqi Gilbert and Grayson Perry, who are well-known in their respective fields as guys, but occasionally (or often) present as gals and damn the torpedoes. And Vincent McDoom and Vladimir Luxuria, who present as women full-time, but are open about the fact that their sex is male.
I wanted to be just like them when I grew up and I believe that I have had some success in that regard. Like the folks I look up to, I am open about being a femulator, I am well-known in my field and I often present as a gal.
I just regret not going by my male name full-time like the folks I look up to. Then again, maybe it makes no difference – Google my male name, Stan Horzepa, and see the first image that comes up in the results!
And so it goes.
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| Wearing ModCloth |
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| Walter Dickerson and Manuel Blanc (left to right) femulating in the 2016 French film Where Horses Go to Die. You can view the film’s trailer on YouTube. |
Google's Hot A.I. did find the Right Pic . . . Hot or Not?
ReplyDeleteNo Just the Reality of your inter sanctum. . . found.
I chose the name my mother wanted for her daughter 'Sara' (a derivative of my Great grandmother's monicker) my boy handle of Alton was the choice of my maternal grandmother, it took fourteen years of asking her every month where she got it from, till she said it was after the mailman who delivered to their farm, then she said if I ever told anyone the truth she would deny it; it was 20 years after she passed that I finally told my mother the story.
Sara
I find having female and male names means I can keep my male personas separate
ReplyDeleteIn male mode I have to think and act as a man
In female ,the more I think, act and react as a woman the better
I find I can "get so far into character" as Lucy that I forget my male side exists
Lucy
You are amazing!
ReplyDeleteThank-you!
Deletethe british trans world is a small one. so it may not surprise you that i once met grayson perry, when he was on the verge of taking over from lily savage as the nation's pet transvestite? however, i saw a side of his femme character that the great british public had not. for in contrast to his usual "panto dame" image, he was dressed as a lady who lunches. and a highly convincing one at that. as such he was planning to go out in straightsville, so i asked him if he would make any effort to enunciate in a ladylike way whilst doing so. to which he responded (in his "mockney geezer" accent) "sod that!"
ReplyDeleteAs an actor, I created a full character in Julie. She is part of me, a persona that I let come to the front when dressed. The opposite is also true - my male persona comes to the front when attired. I recently had an incident where a girl friend and I were planning a Girls Night Out and checking out venues. I was in guy mode at the time, but as we sat in her car and talked about going out, my Julie mannerisms and voice started coming out.
ReplyDeletebefore i made my full-blown public debut en femme, i used my hometown's traditional new year's eve fancy dress event as an excuse to persuade a few friends and acquaintances to join me in dragging up for it. not only is every bar in town packed with people that night, but 99% are dressed as pirates or whatever. so i got changed and off we went, and i could already feel an emotional change for the better coming over me. in the first bar we visited, we bumped into a load of guys i had been friendly with since schooldays. most were in fancy dress, but one (known for his dourness) was not
Deleteso almost without thinking i promptly made a bee line for the guy (forgetting i was wearing 4 inch heels in the process), and planted a great big smacker on his cheek as a means of embarrassing him for not making any effort to dress up. that got a huge laugh from everyone else there, and thus more-than served its purpose. however, he was so angry and humiliated that he never saw or even contacted me again afterwards. but unlike him, i didn't feel the slightest bit embarrassed about what had happened - certainly not at the tme, nor in the cold light of day the morning after. so despite losing his friendship as a result of my unfettered actions, as edith piaf sang: "non, je ne regrette rien"
Gina
ReplyDeleteWhen you kissed your friend, had you slipped so far into feminity that mentally you were a woman?
Lucy
yes, i suppose in a way that was the case? i certainly didn't feel like the diffident fellow i normally was, but almost like i was a completely different person who had no worries or concerns whatsoever. and i wasn't even actually that drunk at that point. well, not from alcohol intake anyway. but perhaps feeling somewhat light-headed as a result of escaping from my physical and psychological gender shackles?
DeleteWearing ModCloth , so very nice .
ReplyDelete