My Admirer

By Stephanie Julianna

Stana's post on the 28th about “Old crossdressers never die, they just fade away” gave me pause, thinking hard about the many layered society that makes up our world. I had alluded to this topic in my article, “Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow” when I spoke of some of the amazing women and crossdressers in my life and how they contributed to my growth and development. A special few even changed our whole world with their tenacity, bravery, politics and legal battles.

But there is a small group that some of us are, or were privileged to have in our crossdressing lives. The stars were aligned the day that I went to Lee Brewster's Mardi Gras Boutique dressed in my feminine best dress, hair and makeup. I regularly stopped in on Mondays when I traveled to NYC on business back in the late ’70’s and into the ’80’s. Lee had mentioned more than once that he knew someone who would love to meet me. I can never say that Lee set it up for this guy to eventually be there when I showed up one Monday, but I suspect strongly that he had a part in it.

It was the early spring of 1980 when Lee introduced me to Sam. He said we shared a similar sense of humor and an obvious love of the crossdressing scene. Lee left us alone on the shop floor and we easily struck up a conversation. Sam complimented my presentation as a young woman and I ate it up. I had never had a man interested in me, nor had I even thought I would want one to be taken with me. 

I just loved dressing and being out and about with people responding to me as any other woman. I was not looking for anyone to be friends with other than crossdressers. I also had no idea that our world was populated with “crossdresser admirers.” I was a married person with three kids and a loving wife. I was not looking for anything else but to find some friends to dress with.

I won't bore you with the details, but in a short time, Sam and I became best friends. He had a garden apartment in a brownstone on West 90th off Columbus and this became my home away from home. I had a closet and two dresser drawers for my female persona. Sam took on the role of being my Svengali, helping me perfect my look and manners as a lady. We shared many adventures going to different drag venues around the city and many of Lee's different events around town, even as far as Provincetown, Massachusetts.

I was really struggling with my gender and even my sexuality in those years and Sam was there for me. I could not tell my wife any of this because that was always her biggest fear, that I wanted to transition. However, Sam listened and understood and I could tell him anything and he still loved me no matter how screwed up I seemed. 

We did talk about him and I becoming “us,” but we both knew that my love for my wife and kids would never allow that. He would remind me of that if I seemed to be thinking of throwing all that away. When he thought that maybe it was a possibility, it was my turn to remind him of who I was and my commitments as a husband and a father. We found a balance and simply enjoyed each other's company whenever I got to the city.

By the late ’90’s, he returned to Richmond, Virginia to take care of his Mom and I encouraged him to see others down there. He only wanted a trans girlfriend and had not found one. Over a few years, I would drive down there or he would come up for a weekend to be together. Then something special happened.

I was asked to be a model for a bridal shop at the fabulous First Event in Boston. Sam flew up from Virginia and I, as Stephanie, picked him up at Logan Airport. The banquet night of the three-day event always features a fashion show. There were a few models from the crossdressing community and I was lucky enough to walk the show in a few gowns. And I was the finale wearing an amazing wedding gown. I had bought all appropriate lingerie to go with the dress. I felt like a bride through and through. And Sam was in the audience clapping with everyone else.

Then something magical – Theresa, the bridal shop owner told me I could wear the gown for the evening if I let her take more pictures in the lobby of the hotel. What crossdresser could refuse that offer? Sam was already by my side and Theresa asked him if he would be willing to be in the photoshoot. What ensued was an amazing, once in a lifetime, experience, a crossdresser’s dream. 

The pictures shown here were taken in the garden part of the huge lobby of the hotel. Many guests, not First Event participants, stood around watching. Most were couples with the woman not wanting to leave. Eventually we finished and headed through the lobby toward the elevators. All the women and even a few men complimented my gown and congratulated us on our nuptials. 

Not one person questioned my gender or our being married. This is truly the one time I can say without reservation that I passed. And it was not just the gown, makeup and hair. It was because Sam was with me. For one evening, we looked like we both got our wish, if only for a few hours.

I only saw Sam a few times after that. I urged him to find that girl that was free just for him. He did find a trans girl after his Mom passed and they were very happy together until he passed away in 2005 from lung cancer. I had gotten him to quit smoking years earlier, but the damage was done. 

So to all those crossdresser admirers, you are appreciated, loved and missed by so many of us. And as long as I have breath in my lungs, you are never going to fade away. You saved me from myself and my family is better for it. I am better for having known and loved you as a friend.

Wearing Unique Vintage

Janek Traczyk’s boots are made for walking on Polish television’s Your Face Sounds Familiar.
You can few this femulation on YouTube.