In the trans timeline, 1983 was Mesozoic. There was no Internet and there was very little published information on the subject. We were flying in the dark and grasped any bit of information we could find.
One legend was that you would stop femulating when you fell in love and got married. I bought into that legend because I stopped femulating after meeting and falling in love with my future wife and did not femulate for over two years while we dated and became engaged.
About a week before our wedding, I purged everything because I assumed I was done with femulating. Not only did I discard replaceable items like clothing, wigs, makeup, etc., I also discarded irreplaceable items, primarily my collection of self-taken photographs. As a result, I no longer own a single photo of myself en femme prior to age 32.
Our wedding was in late September. One month later, we were invited to a Halloween party and I dressed as a woman.
And so it goes.
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| Natalee |
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| Harvey Korman (center row, left) femulating on a 1969 episode of television's The Carol Burnett Show |
"Welcome to the Hotel California".....
ReplyDeleteThe 'binge/purge' cycle is a component of ANY of these 'private, somewhat covert, intense personal interests (note I did NOT use the 'f' word) Often the practitioner's mind suddenly 'sees himself' from 'outside himself', as if a child has been caught 'in the act' by a sneaky parent/educator/minister/boss/cop......-- (GOTCHA!) and then goes into a fit of SELF SHAME and commits to PURGE to avoid that potential shaming incident, which usually never happens.
And when things calm down, and later regrets and then has to rebuild his 'stash'. The following link offers some clear thinking on dealing with purging, yet is not specific to 'dressing pretty'.
https://www.adisc.org/forum/threads/binge-purge-cycle.83298/
As for my own experience, I was recently faced with a 'possible existential medical threat' (which later turned out to be far less threatening). My first thought was: "Oh my God! My HOUSE! Its full of 'my gurl clothes, ect.." What am I gonna do? Ultimately, I calmed down, as I realized: DEAD PEOPLE JUST DONT GIVE MUCH A DAMN ABOUT ANYTHING, including SHAME. So I decided to 'live for the moment, and got 'dressed pretty' and went out to our 'group meeting'.
In the long run, somebody else can 'clean up the mess' and liquidate the estate. I simply wont be around to worry or go on a 'shame trip'.
Live for the day, be happy for the moment. Tomorrow may not be yours....
NO REGRETS! NO WORRIES! TIME'S A WASTE'N!
Velma
06:12Z 01Jan 2020
I've purged several times, but the urge always comes back. Right now I have girl things in a storage that seem to be calling my name.
ReplyDeleteThey certainly loved getting Harvey Korman into drag on the Carol Burnett Show!
didn't we see a law school Halloween picture? Were you already in your 30s? You looked younger...
ReplyDeleteRead all about it here: http://www.femulate.org/2017/09/my-quest.html
DeleteAgreed - the "replaceable" items are not as much of a loss (but OH how I miss my Chinese gown!) but the other things! I had not only photos but some movies! I was a Super 8mm Sound movie buff in my high school days, and had captured Julie on film on a number of occasions. All of that is gone. ~~sigh~~ Thank God for digital storage! It is so much easier to store pics and video, and when the "urge to purge" starts raising it's ugly head, you don't have that box of pics or movies staring at you asking "Are you going to get rid of me, too?" My last purge was probably 2005 or so, at the prodding of my wife. It lasted barely a year.
ReplyDeleteI still have almost all of my feminine paraphernalia as I never purged. About the only things I discarded were bras I had outgrown and shoes that got ratty.
ReplyDeleteJohn
John
Just where did that legend that you would stop femulating after you fell in love and were married come from anyway? Guess that is something we almost universally told ourselves. While many things came and went over time, femulating for me has done nothing but get stronger through the years.
ReplyDeleteI didn't have all that much stuff until I moved to Baltimore. I had a lady friend in the late 1970's who didn't respect privacy and did a "purge" for me as she sped out of my life. Right now I need a "modified purge". I'm a pack rat by nature and I have too many clothes, many of which are size 20, some 22, that are too big after my weight loss a couple years ago. I wonder if I should dump them at a charity, sell them through a consignment shop or find some size 20 ladies here in Baltimore and do some negotiating? I'm far too lazy to do EBay.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't dressing so much "back in the day" and didn't bother with pipe dreams like "It'll all go away when I marry". I traveled a lot for various jobs and, while I wasn't dressing very much, I was doing it "vicariously" by going to drag show clubs. I had to clear a "mental block" before letting myself really be Mikki, and when that happened I went for it. I can't imagine stepping back at this point, and, as I said above, the only "purge" I anticipate is clearing out old stuff and items that don't fit to make room for clothing that fits!
I have purged twice in my life when faced with possible early death events. In each case it turned out well but I do not regret it because the shame would have been my mother's for which the risk for me was unacceptable. The only thing that I miss are my early photos (of which I happily found a couple later). The forced wardrobe update in each case was expensive but welcome...
ReplyDelete.....The legend you will stop femulating once you fell in love and got married.....
ReplyDeleteYUP, I subscribed to that as well. But like all of us, the urge never leaves and we femulate. I came out to my wife of 20 years recently. She accepted it without question. She just wanted me to be happy! I have an amazing wife. - Christina