Perhaps…

By Paula Gaikowski, Femulate Contributing Editor

The other day while driving through Natick, Massachusetts, I saw a rainbow flag hanging outside one of the town’s churches, not that unusual nowadays. However, next to it flew the transgender flag. A few days later while cruising down 495, there was a pink, blue and white transgender support ribbon on the back of someone’s car.

In addition, I see mentions of gender identity in organization and corporate mission statements. Teachers I know tell me that most high schools have transgender students these days. All these things would have been unthinkable when I was younger.

Viewing this all as a baby boomer makes one reflect about growing up in a time where being gay was literally a crime, the word transgender did not exist and doctors and therapists didn’t know about, nor did they treat transgender people.

Many Femulate readers remember those days when the only information available were magazines in adult books stores and the occasional story on television shows like Donahue or Sally Jesse Raphael. As a teenager, there weren’t any adults that I could confide my feelings to. Teacher, clergy, doctor, parent or sibling all would have condemned me. It was no different in college.

I now read accounts all the time of young people coming out as transgender to their parents. When I first signed onto the Internet in 1995, our community seemed small. Today on trans websites, thousands of young transgender persons are coming out and transitioning while getting support from family, medical professionals and work.

One young woman named Gabi is able to crossdress a few days a week at her bank. I compare that the good old days when people were fired because they were gay or crossdressed on their own time. We’ve come a long way,  but we still have more progress to make.

Although Caitlynn Jenner is a controversial figure in the transgender community, I believe it was her coming out that served as the tipping point in 2015. That to me struck a sea change when the word transgender entered the lexicon and corporations, churches, schools and insurance companies all came on board.

When Caitlynn won the decathlon she was viewed as the personification of masculinity. So many people in powerful positions knew her. This made her coming out so much more of an impact and helped define being transgender. So I respect and applaud her bravery; she made it easier for the many who followed.

All of this makes me wonder what a different path my life would have taken. So many times under draconian circumstances, I described how I almost came out and pursued transition. With the resources and acceptance available today, I surely would have transitioned.

After 60 years of intense self-examination, there is no doubt that I am a woman deep down inside. I could have contributed so much to my gender, my community, a husband and family.

Transitioning in the 1980’s would have meant a loss of livelihood, while transgender medical procedures were nascent and experimental. My family would have shunned me and society at large would have marginalized me.

What I see happening now with many transgender women would not have been the experience for me in 1982. Medically advanced procedures such as HRT, FFS and SRS paid for by medical insurance was not the norm in 1982. HR departments fired transgender persons rather than sending them flowers on their first day as a woman. Parents and friends, who might be able to adjust and support their transgender daughter, weren’t there. And today, dating a transgender woman doesn’t carry the social stigma it once did.

That’s the conundrum; perhaps what appears to be the incorrect decision may in actuality be what was best decision for me under the circumstances at the time.

Wearing Stylewe

Veit Alex