I have no qualms about facing my classmates as a woman. I am hesitant because I worry about embarrassing my wife and sister. Both attended my high school one year behind me. People in my class know people in their class and you know how people like to talk.
The reunion is in early June, so I have time to decide. I know what I want to do, but I don't know what to do.
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| Wearing Seeya (Source: Beyond the Rack) |
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| Ready for my law school reunion, June 2012 |
Stana -
ReplyDeleteI have a similar problem. My HS will have its 45th anniversary this year. If I go en-femme, my brother (who still lives in the same town we grew up in) might find out about me before I'm ready to out myself to him.
M
I think asking your wife and your sister (assuming the latter knows) might be a good start. Not so much seeking permission, but "I'm thinking of going to this event as Stana, and I'm curious to know how you feel about that. I'm asking as I don't want to cause you to be embarrassed."
ReplyDeleteAnother option might be to write a list of the positives and negatives for each choice. Sometimes that can help make sense of the swirl of thoughts going around in your head.
Good luck.
Stana,
ReplyDeleteIt's 100% your decision but I just want to give my opinion on this. I feel you should discuss this with your wife and sister, and see if they give you their blessings to attend. Being an outsider, and not knowing you or your family, I can't say how everyone will react. But, if your concerns about their feelings are an indication, I'm thinking they would want you to be yourself, and go!
They accept who you are, they love you, and I think they would want you to be true to yourself. If they have no issues with you going, as you are, then you should go!
Another thing I, as an outsider, would like to say. Look at you! You're Beautiful! A 50 year reunion, means you must be around 67 years old? You look amazing for a woman of your age! I think it would be a crime not to share yourself with your old classmates.
Can I ask, did you go to a small school? Did you live in a small town? Did you move out before you came out? Are these the reasons for the concerns?
Joe D. Footsniffer
My class had about 200 students. My town was a city with a population of 110,000. I moved to a suburb of that city when we married. None of those facts concern me.
DeleteStana, one of the best experiences ever for real world interaction. Very rural, southern area and I still was accepted. Class of 300+ with 175 in attendance for reunion. I was allowed to speak, and interacted with nearly everyone. Also attended a class breakfast the next morning. Many renewed friendships. I can provide more details if you like.
ReplyDeleteDo it - you will regret not doing it.
http://www.rhondasescape.com/2016/10/class-reunion-post-script.html
Rhonda
Stana, I think this is a time where Stan must attend. I don't recall the dynamic between you and your sister but I do remember things you've stated about your wife's acceptance of Stana. If your sister and spouse are in close contact with their former classmates and those classmates may not fully accept Stana or if Stana's revelation may cause friction with the relationships of the friends I feel the best answer is to not make unnecessary waves. Yes, as others stated, communicate with the other women. If they give your blessing, go for it!
ReplyDeleteWhen you attend, have a great time.
Heather
ps. I'm a native of a small town. I'd love to blow the minds of my classmates by attending as Heather but our reunion last year was cancelled due to lack of interest. I was going to attend but not as Heather.
Dear Stana,
ReplyDeleteI also suggest asking both your wife and sister if they are perfectly OK with you attending as Stana. If they both are fine with that, then ... you go, girl. However, if either seems hesitant or outright against it, then Mr. Stanley would be the more considerate choice. Either way, have fun.
Love,
Sheila.
Most marriages in our community involve a spouse who supports, tolerates or opposes our female self. In supportive relationships, possibly like yours Stana, there are usually "boundaries" that get crossed by mutual agreement. Your partnership seems to be highly supportive of Shana, but an event like your reunion seems to call for a discussion.
ReplyDeleteYou and your wife have many mutual friends from school. I wonder how many of them are aware of Stana? Does your wife often accompany Stana doing things, dinners, social events, etc, outside your house? I think this is all about your wife's comfort zone. Your classmates are certain to pepper your wife with questions about you being Stana. Is she ready and wiling for that to happen?
I certainly don't know any details of your relationship with your wife, Stana. From your postings, she seems quite supportive. If the two of you agree you're going to transition into being Stana all the time, that could be a mitigating factor -- "OK, why not go ahead since this is who you are now". But that doesn't appear to be the case. You present beautifully as a woman and exude confidence as Stana, so we know you can handle the situation. But unless your wife chooses not to accompany you I think you should give her full veto power. If she decides Stana should attend the reunion, give her full control over what you wear. She's going to have a lot of questions tossed at her, quite possibly more than Stana will get, so the decision should be hers.
Oh, to have had a supportive partner! You're a lucky girl, Stana!
ReplyDeleteAs a coincidence, I'm attending my 60th high school reunion in 8 days. I look at Mikki in a mirror, even after having my hair done and being made over in a salon and still see a big man in a dress. It looks fine for one of our CD/TG events -- I won't stick out like a sore thumb -- but "passing" is not going to happen. Mike will be attending the reunion. Still, my long hair will look great pulled back in a nice barrette, my eyebrows are certainly not thick, my skin is soft and my umpolished nails are fairly long and well manicured. But what the hell, we're all 77-78 years old and happy to be vertical. I'll have a lot more to talk about than explaining why I'm in a dress, so Mikki is skipping this event.
How lucky you are, dear, to be able to solicit and receive such warmly supportive and thoughtful advice from your web friends. I personally would follow MikkiB's advice and see if your wife and sister give you their blessing, but, if not, go as Stan and still have a great time knowing that your sensitivity to their feelings makes you a fine person of both sexes.
ReplyDeleteThe first question I ask myself, when such events are upcoming, is what my motivation may be for attending. Although I am also a '69 graduate and married to my high school sweetheart, who was one year behind me, I have been living full-time as the woman I am for a number of years. So, my choice is, simply, whether I attend my 50th class reunion or not.
ReplyDeleteAs tempting as it might be to show myself off, I have decided that it would be selfish for me to do so. My wife tells me that she doesn't care what others may think, but she has also expressed that there are those people who are not as friendly toward her as they used to be - when they knew me only as the man she married. While I have come to accept that people from my past will always see me differently these days, it's much more difficult to accept that people see my wife differently because of how they see me. I've put her through so much already, and the gossip mill has most assuredly done it's work by now, anyway, but I will not allow it to be magnified by flaunting my feminine-self. That's just how I see it from my perspective.
You didn't say your wife would be accompanying you - whether you went en femme or not. Also, would you consider this question next year, at her 50th reunion, should you accompany her? These answers could make a difference in making your decision now.
JUST DO IT! Ten years from 'now', nobody will remember or care what YOU did; except you. Those that DO remember you will RESPECT YOU for your courage to be YOURSELF.
ReplyDeleteYou are one of OUR EXCEPTIONAL NATURAL LEADERS concerning 'our issue'; I for one appreciate your efforts and your blog.
Perhaps your MAMMOTH is showing signs of a RESURGENCE?
For those who have not 'Tamed Your MAMMOTH': It is ENLIGHTENING.
https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/06/taming-mammoth-let-peoples-opinions-run-life.html
Always one of your fans.
Velma
Your life has been full of fantastic experiences that won't embarrass your loved ones, and there will be more. I would pass.
ReplyDelete