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| Holiday Inn's infamous high school reunion advertisement |
I should have mentioned in my original post that my wife will not be attending the reunion. She finds my reunions boring because she does not know anyone in my class and feels that the $75 sticker price is a waste of money as far as she is concerned. So she will not be in attendance (and possibly be embarrassed or pitied or questioned about my presentation).
My sister and I are very close, but she has never supported me with regards to my transness. After I came out to her, she was initially surprised and upset by the news and since then, she has never mentioned it. (Out if sight, out of mind.) So why should I be concerned about embarrassing her if I attend the reunion as a woman? For that matter, why should she be embarrassed since she does not seem to care much about my transness.
So I am seriously leaning towards going as a woman. Like Velma advised, "JUST DO IT! Ten years from 'now,' nobody will remember or care what YOU did; except you. Those that DO remember you will RESPECT YOU for your courage to be YOURSELF."
In a similar vein, Rhonda advised, "Do it - you will regret not doing it." I already have a collection of life's regrets and I don't want to add another one to the pile.
Other Thoughts
My high school was a Roman Catholic high school. There were a handful of very religious classmates, but in general, I did not find my Catholic high school classmates much different than my public grammar school classmates. Probably because most of my public grammar school classmates were also Catholic.
That being said, the Catholic religion is notorious for being transphobic. However, I have found that Catholic civilians are no more transphobic than the general population. How this plays out among my Catholic classmates remains to be seen, but my guess is that they will follow the trends of the general population. And I suspect that my female classmates will be more supportive than my male classmates.
Speaking of my male classmates, I had a lot of friends in high school, both male and female, however, most of the jocks were not among my friends. They verbally abused me with regards to my natural femininity. Showing up at my reunion as a woman will prove that they were correct in recognizing my femininity, but were just very rude in the way they acknowledged it.
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| (Source: Vogue.com) |
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| Mart Müürisepp femulating Nancy Sinatra on Estonian television's Your Face Sounds Familiar. |
Go for it Stana. At 68 who cares. Nobody cares. You won't even make the tabloids (like 40 years ago). I had a trans friend who graduated from a boys Catholic HS in New Jersey and went to the reunion in the late 1990's. People just don't give two hoots, and that was 20 years ago. If you need a bodyguard, I will go as your date.
ReplyDeleteOn that bombshell, YOU GO GIRL!
ReplyDeleteMs.Stana: As SheZow my favorite cartoon character says, YOU GO GURL!!! My wise friend told me that no matter what you do/what you are for that you will always have someone against it and that as long as what you do/what you are for doesn't hurt anyone then who cares what they think or say.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my favorite saying-
Some will! Some won't! So What!!! WHO'S NEXT!!! Love Ya Darling, Ms. Stacey Anne Smith (Missi).
WOW er- ZOW!I have never heard of SheZow before. YOU GO 2!
Deletehttps://www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/television/2013/07/08/shezow-bends-gender-enrages-one-million-moms
Only you can address the issues concerning your wife and sister. Have you had regular contact with any others from your HS over the years who would not accept Stana?
ReplyDeleteAs for the Catholic church I think you may be overthinking. I have gone to Mass while dressed and was treated with respect in all ways. I know others who have done the same with no negative issues.
My younger brother was ordained a Deacon about ten years ago. He was called upon to choose a 'special mission' and he chose the make the Church more welcoming to the LGBT community. He started out in California and then moved back to NY. He currently is located in Atlanta. I know of no issues that he has encountered. I do not see being Catholic as any impediment.
Pat
Given what you said about your wife and sister, plus the views of - shall we say less trans positive folk art your old school - how about going as Stana? Walk proud and smile, Mrs!
ReplyDeleteMs.Stana, Your Gurl Googled the term "enfemme blog" and then scrolled up until I came to "Top 75 crossdressing Blogs and Websites for crossdressers". "Femulate.org was listed No.3!!! The other blogs listed above it combine several features which lead you to want to buy from their "store/website". I believe your blog is better overall and it isn't "Pushy" i.e.
ReplyDeleteGrabbing & leading you into buying some things right away. I love how you go about dealing with issues and giving out advise based on your "femulating experiences etc. without being "Pushy". Femulate.org is No. 1 as far as I'm concerned-"You Go Girl"!!!
Ms. Stacey Anne Smith (Missi).
Well, not having your wife join you at the reunion changes things. So now your wife can become a sort of co-conspirator. Of course, run it by her and tell her -- don't ask -- Stana plans to go to the reunion. Maybe you girls can go out to shop for the perfect outfit. I'll bet she has fun planning it with you.
ReplyDeleteStana is very comfortable in public places and in conversation with people. This crowd is different in that you know them and have some history with them. But you are who you are, and now the deciding factor is your own comfort zone. So look in the mirror at a lovely woman who doesn't look at all her age and say, "Showtime"! Your going solo now puts me on the side of encouraging Stana to attend.
I remember the trans woman who drew my Mikki out in the open here in Baltimore. She went to an all-boys college prep STEM (though that acronym hadn't bee coined yet) high school She couldn't wait to attend her 25th reunion. She, too, had some harassment from "jocks" and was looking forward to seeing how much (and if) they'd evolved. Rather than simply admit your gaggle of "jocks" was right, have fun with it. "Who would have thought you guys would be right about anything"? Maybe, "I took your words as encouragement, not harassment. So what do you think, did I turn out OK"? If that doesn't elicit some conversation, nothing will!
People have been exposed to Drag Queens, crossdressing and trans people for a good long time now. The only thing they should really be surprised about is how lovely you are. And then maybe pull a photo of your wife and daughter out of your purse and talk about/ ask about how your life has been after all these years. Just like any other 50th reunion. One of the graduates at my 50th reunion is gay and brought his husband. Pretty much their conversations with us, and there were a lot of them, were about how cool it is living in San Francisco. No big deal.
I look forward to a great story from Stana in June about the reunion. photos and all! Have fun.
Option II: Perhaps you should buy TWO tickets, one each for Mr. and Mrs. and then go by yourself as 'Mrs.' and wear the 'Mrs. nametag', constantly claiming that STAN is 'indisposed in the mens loo', due to a 'bad clam plate dinner'. ;-)
ReplyDeleteAs with any other 'sit com situation' you would be obligated to 'reveal your true self' at the end of the evening, if not earlier discovered .....
Whereby all your former school adversaries in attendance experience a great moral epiphany(?).
Velma
Stana, you always look great no matter what situation you find yourself in. I say go for it and be your beautiful self. Wish I could have made my last class reunion in person,however I was deployed to Iraq at the time and joined the festivities via webcam. Anyway, have a ball however you choose to attend.
ReplyDeleteYou and I have more in common than I realized. I went through the same thing about a year ago --- my Catholic high school was having a reunion, and I really struggled with my presentation. (And like you, I had a rough time in high school, being called "f@g" and "queer" before I even knew what those words meant.)
ReplyDeleteI ultimately decided that since I haven't transitioned, it would be misleading to go to my reunion presenting as female --- although some of my classmates do know I'm transgender.
However, I'm also with your wife --- my reunion was incredibly boring, and I told them, "If I'm around for the 100th, let me know. Otherwise, leave me out."
So I don't know if I have any useful advice. With your web footprint and profile, I'd almost be surprised if someone doesn't know already. I hope whatever you decide to do, you have a good time!
See you in Dayton next month!
73 de Trish
Why not go as Stana and say you have changed a lot over the years?
ReplyDeleteLucy
On another note - I vividly remember his Holiday Inn commercial. I used to think how WONDERFUL it would be to attend a reunion like this. Due to travel requirements of my life/work, I have NEVER attended a high school reunion in any mode - even though we had our 40th last summer. ~~sigh~~ Maybe for the 50th!
ReplyDeleteYou should just go! Be you. Be out and be proud.
ReplyDeleteA while back on pride, I posted to social media: To all the bullies who used to harass me and beat me up and call me gay, well, you were right. But you were still assholes!
I remember seeing that Holiday Inn commercial when it was broadcast for the first and only time during the Super Bowl. I almost fell off the sofa.
ReplyDelete