As long as I have been going out as a woman, I have had some trepidation before I took that first step out the door into the real world. After all, under that makeup, wig and female finery is a 6 foot 2, 199-pound cisgender male.
Will I pass? Will I get read? How will civilians react? If you have ever gone out in public as a woman, you have been there and done that. I believe I will never do that again.
Two week ago, I stood at a podium in Ohio as a woman and made a short presentation to approximately 150 of my ham radio peers. It was a positive experience and a personal accomplishment.
Tuesday morning, a video of my presentation was posted on YouTube. I hesitated before I clicked the play button to view it. For the first time, I would see my female presentation as others see it... not in a still photograph, but in a full motion "live" video. Would I see a cisgender male in a dress? Would the video shatter the notion that I pass?
I clicked on the play button and five seconds into my appearance I thought "Holy Cow!" Watch my body movement and mannerisms as I say, "I used to write for QST." That is not the body movement and mannerisms of a cisgender male; that is the body movement and mannerisms of a female.
Watching the 2-1/2 minutes of video, I continued to see a female and I was absolutely floored how feminine I appeared. Yeah, "Holy Cow!"
Growing up, I was clueless about my feminine ways, but my peers were very aware of it and let me know about it in no uncertain terms. But I refused to change because my mannerisms were natural to me, a good fit and I really did not want to man-up and embrace some of the aspects of being "male" that I found unattractive and even abhorrent.
But until I viewed the video, I did not realize how really feminine I appeared. So feminine, that even my male voice worked.
As a result, I am very confident about my femulation and I will never again have any trepidation about experiencing the real world as a woman because under that makeup, wig and female finery is a 6 foot 2, 199-pound female.
But until I viewed the video, I did not realize how really feminine I appeared. So feminine, that even my male voice worked.
As a result, I am very confident about my femulation and I will never again have any trepidation about experiencing the real world as a woman because under that makeup, wig and female finery is a 6 foot 2, 199-pound female.
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| Wearing Shoshanna (Source: Rent the Runway) |
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| Krzysztof Szczepaniak femulates Lady Gaga on Polish television's Your Face Sounds Familiar. |
I for one am SICK and TIRED of boys being told to man up their mannerisms. I also HATE the coffin sized box men are expected to conform as far as dress, grooming, and mannerisms. Well meaning parents and others bring about the neurosis of masculine anxiety.
ReplyDeleteWhen I folded, spindled, and mutilated my man card by going on estrogen I started to feel much better about myself.
I have developed a feminine figure but I will not alter my voice nor my name.
I Agree! BTW, Stana debuts about 7 minutes in. (I did not understand any of it, just wanted to see her)
ReplyDeleteHi Stana. It was so good to see the clip, as I think that gave me - and all your readers - a look at the real Stana. Yes, we noticed your voice that I think we were all surprised by. But I see that as a GOOD thing. You don’t speak with a voice in the usual woman’s range, but because your presentation is so confident and naturally feminine, I’d say that about 99% of people you interact with simply don’t question your gender. We as readers know your “secret”, so we listen to your voice with a bias, to see how feminine it was going to be. Because your movements and poise are so effortless natural, you pass easily. I struggle with speaking as Imogen, but I was encouraged to discover that you pass so well despite your voice, because everything else is so on-point. It’s given me more confidence as I venture out.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for all your work on the blog and for promoting such a positive image of trans folk. I have been a regular reader for a number of years but this is the first time I’ve commented.
I too believe that the image is almost everything. If you let others see you and observe you before you speak then, if your image is convincing, you're away!
ReplyDeleteStill it was a jolt to hear you speak, especially as I have such a female mellifluous delivery (maybe not, someone once told me, I looked like Bette Midler and sounded like Billy Connolly!). I've lang syne stopped worrying. Confidence is what it's all about, confident to be who you are, mind you confidence breeds confidence and when you're confident you become even more...confident!
I'd kill for those cheekbones, Stana
ReplyDeleteAppreciated!
ReplyDelete