Have you ever had an "out-of-body experience"?
I have and they mostly occur when I am out among the civilians as a woman. Here is a typical one.
I promised my wife that I would buy some groceries after a meeting I attended as a woman and a Stop & Shop was on my way home.
Instead of driving home, changing into boy mode and driving back to Stop & Shop, I decided to go grocery shopping as a woman. I hesitated momentarily because I was overdressed for grocery shopping, but I decided to throw caution to the wind and went grocery shopping anyway.
During 15 minutes of shopping, I noticed three or four guys checking me out, but no one else paid much attention to me until I queued up to check out. After I emptied my shopping cart onto the conveyor belt, I noticed the woman ahead of me look down at my shoes. Then she looked at me and remarked, “You are a brave woman to wear those heels to go grocery shopping!”
Thus begins the out-of-body experience. I am watching two women interacting, exchanging comments and pleasantries as women normally do and one of the women is me!
Is it really happening? Am I being treated as a cisgender woman? Do I detect any clues that she suspects that I am not a cisgender woman?
This happens when I interact with civilians, especially female civilians. And I wish it would stop!
In truth, it occurs less often today than it did in the past, so I am getting better all the time.
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| Wearing Boston Proper (Source: Boston Proper) |
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| Alec Guiness femulates in the 1949 film Kind Hearts and Coronets. |
Hi Stana
ReplyDeleteI went food shopping on LI before i moved to Ca. No customers batted an eye but check woman was surly to me after hearing my voice lol
hugs
Diane
LOL
DeleteLive in the moment and ENJOY! Velma is 6'0, 210 and has been approached by several woman while shopping. One lady commented on my clip on earrings and told me about an estate sale going on that day that had hundreds of clip on's. I could not make it to the sale, as I was going to the local C-D/trans support group meeting.
ReplyDeleteI might have skipped the meeting and gone to the sale instead! LOL
DeleteI would think that these out of body experiences would be rather nice. You get the pleasure of being out while dressed and also the enjoyment of observing the interaction as a third party. Seems like the best of both worlds.
ReplyDeletePat
That's a good point, Pat.
DeleteI love so much when I pass successfully and have these interactions. It's mostly the five minutes of panic between I get kicked out of my bubble and start reacting properly... I think it goes all the way back to me and my mother when she called me, I always thought I broke something, so, down to this day, when I get called, I have to skip the nerves, the "guilt", deep breath and relax. I can't help to be a tall girl on my heels, and so, I have to keep it cool because I definitely will stand out.
ReplyDeleteMost of the time people are just curious or as it happened to you, they just want to have a nice conversation with you.
You are an inspiration Stana!!!
Thank you, Marianne.
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