Womanless Beauty Pageants: The Astounding and the Underwhelming

By Starla Trimm 

Those among Stana’s disciples who enjoy the efforts of “civilians” putting on womanless beauty pageants, and have immersed themselves in the history and practice of that cultural phenomenon that is most prominent among the schools of the old Confederacy, quickly catch on to one thing: we learn that there are PAGEANTS and then there are…well (yawn) pageants. That is, we find ourselves reacting to photos of many middle/junior high school pageants with a jaw-dropping “Wow!” and most high school efforts with an indifferent “Meh.” Many of the former are virtually indistinguishable from “legit” female pageants in the femininity and beauty of the participants, while at the higher level, it’s pretty obvious right off the bat that these are guys.

The most obvious reason for this disparity is, of course, biology. Middle school boys are just smaller and in general more androgynous-looking than their older counterparts. Take most any 12- to 14-year-old male,before the full ravages of puberty, body hair, and that final growth spurt have worked their masculinizing voodoo, and with just a little attention to makeup, a good wig, and a well-fitting pageant dress, he’ll be as pretty as a female of similar age. Many boys that age even sound more like girls; their voices not yet having fully dropped from juvenile soprano to budding baritone. But just a scant few years up the road, when the testoterone begins to really boil… beard shadow, broad shoulders, leg and arm hair… well, it just complicates things.

But there’s more to it than that. There is also, perhaps more importantly, the psychological factor. There is a vast difference between, say, a 12-year-old sixth grader and a high school senior about to turn 18 in their personality, self-image and the way they relate to others.

Middle school boys are more malleable at that age. They are much more likely to cooperate and yield to Mom and/or Sis’ cosmetic machinations (you don’t think they look that good on their own, do you?) and allow themselves to be transformed into a believable, attractive girl. Hell, a 6th or 7th grader is only a couple of years removed from a time when playing “dress-up,” in general, was seen as a fun activity and while they are beginning to rebel and leave “kid stuff” behind, there’s still a lot of “kid” there.

But once in high school, attitudes change. Guys now have much more invested in their personal masculinity and they are more reluctant to be seen as enjoying themselves in silk and satin, lest their friends raise an eyebrow. They are far more likely to treat a womanless pageant as a joke and present a slipshod image that cries out, “Hey, I’m still a MAN – I don’t take this crap seriously.” And even the ones that do still make some effort cosmetically and sartorially, often adopt a kind of “fierce” drag queen look – more RuPaul than Miss America.

There are exceptions, of course. A fellow friend of this website once suggested that high schools that really cultivate an overall attitude of excellence and achievement among their students often produce excellent womanless pageants. The same young men who strive and compete to excel in sports or academics may well approach a pageant with the attitude of  “well, if I’m going to do this, I’m going to be the prettiest 'girl' on that stage and win this thing!” and put forth as much effort as they would making the football team or aceing the SATs.

There are also schools like Glenvar High School in Virginia (with its decades-old annual “Groovy Teens” pageant) that have a long-standing tradition of putting on a pseudo-professional pageant with many realistic femulations, in which case it’s a matter of school pride to play along. To buck tradition and not go all out would be unthinkable.

But, for the most part, if you enjoy seeing excellent (and sometimes truly remarkable) amateur femulations, younger is definitely better.  (Actually, that’s pretty much true in a lot of life’s arenas, as this just-turned 60 and wondering how I got so old so fast girl can attest!)

Wearing Venus (Source: Venus)

Gabriel Sanches femulates in Brazilian television's The Big Catch.