On the other hand, I don't understand why other women are often very enthusiastic when they encounter a crossdresser who is not their spouse or SO (not that there is anything wrong with that).
I frequently encounter other women who gush over my emulation. My female managers and co-workers loved it when I crossdressed for work. Believe me, I love any female's appreciation for what I am doing, but I am at a loss as to the reason for their appreciation.
Maybe some of the women who gush over femulators get some satisfaction from the fact that a member of the so-called "dominant sex" is trying to emulate a member of the so-called "weaker sex." ("Welcome to our club.")
Maybe some women admire femulators for being true to themselves.
I dunno. It's just another conundrum in a bucket full of conundrums that crossdressers and femulators encounter.
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| Wearing Boston Proper (Source: Boston Proper) |
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| Professional femulator Harvey Lee |
Hi Stana,
ReplyDeletethis is an interesting observation for which there may be a rather simple explanation: The spouse's crossdresser/gender bender habits may have real or only suspected impact on the woman's reputation or that of the rest of the family. My own experience would confirm this. My girlfriend/wife first supported me but when we had children combined with a social development she turned 180 degrees...
Hugs
Maren
I understand that, but I am curious as to why females who are NOT our spouses are often enthusiastic about our crossdressing.
DeleteI agree with Maren. While my wife acknowledges that my feminine expression is the thing that makes me happy she still worries that other people may think this reflects badly on her. She also worries that I do this because her femininity isn't enough to satisfy me. As for other women, I think they appreciate that we understand their "plight". Presenting as feminine in a skirt, heels, bra and pantyhose can be just as much work for GG's as it is for us. Many women admit to me that much as they enjoy the compliments they get over wearing pretty outfits, most of the time they would rather just be "comfortable". Women love men who can cook, clean, shop and take care of their own children without calling it "babysitting". Why shouldn't they feel a kinship and admiration for a man who knows how to coordinate a cute outfit and carry it off in an elegant, graceful, artful fashion?
ReplyDeleteAndy,you described at least one of the reasons why women are enthusiastic about it but I am afraid they believe they belong to a minority among women. That is why they are so reluctant when it comes to their own spouses, Stana. I can only give another illustrative tale from my own life: My girlfriend and I in our early days went shopping together, buying skirts and dresses for me. In the first years of our marriage she was the breadwinner while I was still struggling to finish my education. She had no problem at all with me wearing feminine clothing. When the children came and we moved to a "better" neighbourhood her attitude changed. At the end of the day it is all about the position in society and for this we still have a long way to go.
DeleteMaren
There is an interesting scene in Bladerunner (now that we are close to the follow-up) where agent Deckard is performing the humanity test on Rachel (she doesn't know yet that she is a replicant) and one of the questions is: "Your husband finds a centerfold in a magazine and wants to hang the picture, what would you do?", without hesitation she answers "I would complete oppose and prevent that", Deckard follows with "Why?" and she responds "I should be enough of a woman for him"
DeleteWhat I have read in many places is that women tend to be enthusiastic about crossdressing men as long as it's not their man. The male/female dynamic of a romantic/sexual relationship injects something with which the platonic admirer doe not have to contend.
ReplyDeleteYes this is true. Many women do find it threatening when it is their man, as if it suggests they have lesbian tendencies. What I find most disturbing is that I know a lot of men whose wives join them in motorcycling, rock climbing and deer hunting and yet no one would accuse their women of being too masculine.
DeleteI have long referred to this enigma as the "NOT MY HUSBAND SYNDROME". On the occasions that I have been out and about I have received only positive comments on my dress, shoes, hose, from women. As a nicely dressed and put together CD I pose no threat to them and with my engaging personality (LOL) I can be a source of amusement.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand Andy and Anonymous make the point that for many woman having a cross dressing husband, while it may have some positive aspects, can be deemed a negative in polite society.
Pat
Not an explanation, but an anecdote:
ReplyDeleteI asked a coworker who was applying my makeup (at her house, for Halloween), "do you mind crossdressers?" She immediately said "no." I asked "would you mind if your guy was a crossdresser?" and she immediately said "yes."
I wish I'd asked "why the difference?" but I did not.
I totally recognise your experience. My wife shares the view of your co-worker. She does not mind cross-dressers at all, but she minds me even thinking about it.
DeleteI have long considered the possibility that some women are fascinated with a well-put-together cross dresser because it goes back to their own days of playing dress-up. Also, the ability for a man to be able to accomplish such a fete impresses them. Not many women are attracted, romantically, to a man in drag, however. Their fascination is far more related to what the cross dresser has accomplished than what caused the desire to do it - although the "why" question may be asked. From my own experiences, I can say that women don't approach me with the same sort of "admiration" since I began the process of transition. The change in my own attitude, I believe, can be read by other women, and I am treated differently by them than I used to be. I don't want to be admired for something I've done to myself nearly as much as I just want to be respected for who I am, anyway.
ReplyDeleteIndeed a conundrum.
ReplyDeleteHowever enthusiastic women are over femulators who are not their SO, I suspect that none of them would actively seek out a femulator to be an SO. My reading on it, based mainly on reading things online and the very limited experiences of my own, is that women do not see femulators as a male threat, nor a male attraction, but something to be celebrated as identity expression. When it is their SO, it's less being 'less of a man' and more the feeling that there is something being kept secret from them about it. Or, rather, that they cannot understand why someone would want to do that. So, in strangers, it's kinda cool and interesting and possibly even empowering, because it is. But, in those closer, it's mystifying because to accept the positives seen in strangers the ladies in question must doubt their initial understanding of their SO, which is rather threatening for anyone.
To generalise, as I learn more about whether or not I have ASD, I learn that people are threatened by people with ASD. They can, in general terms, deal with it and even support strangers. But someone they know? Well, that's just threatening. Someone who is actually enthusiastic about their ASD - in strangers, fine; in someone they know, more threatening.
I suspect it is the same human response in women and femulators.
That's my thruppence worth.
The truth is likely very simple: most women are attracted to men. Many will have no problem with their friends or others doing it, but they are not attracted to it themselves romantically for a spouse.
ReplyDeleteSame reason why I would most likely not be attracted to a woman who tried to dress and look like a man. I would have no problems with them doing it, but would not want to date them.
I have been saving this.....
ReplyDeleteApologies to ZZ Top
Spike heels, pump heels,
Im not sure just what I fe--eel....
They come a runnin' just as fast as they can, 'cause
lotsa girls CRAZY for a Cross dressed man!
(This is where you add those 'guitar riffs' as you know they are in your head-- so go for it!)
Nice wig, nice rack.
Whatever happens, I aint lookin' baaaaack!
They come a runnin' just as fast as they can, 'cause lotsa girls CRAZY fo' a crossdressed man....
(Time for MORE guitar riffs......)
NCMARKO