My Bio

Her Bio

Last week, Meg commented, "I (and perhaps others) would be interested in hearing your trans-bio as you present it to an average group of young civilians."

I am always happy to acquiesce to your requests, so here is the biography I wrote for my outreach presentations. You may recognize some of the words because they originally appeared in the blog, but you asked for it, so here it is.

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My name is Stana.

I am a 65-year-old male-to-female transgender person. I am married and have one child. I have been crossdressing for over 55 years. 

My earliest memories of gender confusion was with regard to the wallpaper hanging on the walls of my childhood bedroom. The wallpaper had a nursery rhyme theme and depicted Little Boy Blue wearing Mary-Jane-style shoes – just like my sister wore. What's with that?

When I was about 10-years-old, I noticed a weekly ad in a New York City newspaper for a night club that featured female impersonators. The impersonators made glamorous women and I became fascinated that a guy could look so good as a gal. 

I tried to find out more about female impersonation, while I continued to enjoy boy things like playing sports, especially baseball (I could hit the ball a mile, but I threw like a girl).

I was not the "all-American boy." I excelled in school; always got excellent grades and was often the teacher's pet. I was also shy and soft spoken; guys called me "fairy," "faggot," etc. I did not know why. In retrospect, I guess some of my mannerisms were effeminate, but I did not think so. My speech and mannerisms were natural to me.

When I was about 12-years-old, I was home alone and I heard my mother's dresser call out to me, "Try on Mom's nylon stockings."

I did and then I heard my mother's closet call out to me, "Mom's high heel pumps will look nice with the nylons." 

So I tried on her heels, then I looked in the mirror and my legs were as shapely as a female - just like those female impersonators I admired. Soon I was wearing my mother's bra and girdle, her slips, her dresses, her hats, applying her makeup, etc. I got into my sister's stuff, too.

Whenever I was home alone, I practiced the art of female impersonation. I believed I was becoming an accomplished female impersonator, but I was frustrated and had to get out and show somebody. 

Next Halloween (when I was about 18-years-old), I borrowed some things from my mother and sister and dressed as a girl. I was not invited to a party or anything; I just dressed and drove around town surprising some of my friends and relatives.

Then I was back to practicing the art of female impersonation in seclusion except for a few Halloween parties I was invited to in my 20s. By then, I knew I was getting pretty good at dressing because on more than one occasion, I would overhear another party-goer ask "Who is the woman not in costume?" while referring to me. What a compliment!

In my late 20s, I met my future wife. We got married and I did not tell her about my hobby because I believed in the old wives’ tale that marriage would cure me. I had not crossdressed since I began dating her, so I believed the tale.

About a week before the wedding, I threw everything away. 

A month after the wedding was Halloween; we were invited to a party and I went shopping for a new women's wardrobe

Too many Halloweens in drag, my wife figured things out and asked me if I was a transvestite. I confessed. 

Initially my wife was supportive and suggested that I find a support group. I found Connecticut Outreach Society (COS) and started attending their meetings crossdressed. Then I started attending COS roadtrips to public restaurants crossdressed. Then I went to a couple of trans conventions where I could be a woman for a long weekend.

I became better at crossdressing by getting makeovers, reading how-to books, viewing how-to videos, etc. I got so good that I found that I could occasionally pass as a woman in public.

The better I got, the less supportive my wife became. I attribute her waning support to her disease, multiple sclerosis. As my crossdressing became better, her MS became more debilitating. 

Today, I only go out once or twice a month crossdressed in deference to my wife, whereas if I had my way, I would live 24/7 as a woman.

For most of my life, I believed I was a plain vanilla crossdresser, but I came to the realization that I am more than a crossdresser. 

Simply put, I identify as a woman. I am not woman trapped in a man's body, I am a woman. I think as a woman, I emote as a woman, and when I have the opportunity, I present as a woman. To most of my acquaintances, I am the most feminine male they know and that's because I am a woman.

True, my container is male, but its contents are 100% female. I am very adverse to fooling around with my container. Many things can go wrong and so far, my container has held up pretty well, so why mess with it. As a result, I have no interest in taking hormones or having surgery to modify my container so that it matches its contents. I have no plans to have a “sex change” operation.

I would be happier if I could live as a woman full-time, but I have commitments that make that impossible. Those commitments are my wife and daughter. 

So I live part-time as a male and part-time as a female, but no matter how I live, I am a woman all the time. 

Wearing Metisu.

Marcin Rogacewicz femulates on Polish television's Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo.