Do you have T-Dar?
I do and if you are reading this blog, you probably have T-Dar, too.
T-Dar, short for trans-radar, is the ability to detect a trans-person when they are presenting in their non-birth gender. For example, you see a tall woman walking through the mall. Suddenly, your T-Dar kicks in and you begin looking for clues that the woman is actually a natal male presenting as a female.
No matter how good you think your T-Dar may be, you seldom have an opportunity to determine whether your T-Dar works correctly or not.
You can confront a suspected trans-person, but that can be disastrous, especially if you are wrong. Recently, I read about a trans-woman who encountered two tall women while shopping. Her T-Dar told her that the two women were trans and she confronted them by introducing herself as trans and saying something to the effect, "You're trans, too, aren't you?"
The two women reacted as if the trans-woman had just gotten off a spaceship from Uranus. They had no idea what she was talking about and when it became apparent to the trans-woman that she had erred, she wished that she was on Uranus.
And even if your T-Dar is correct confronting a suspected trans-person can be a sensitive matter.
Last time I attended First Event, I arrived at the hotel in boy mode and took the elevator to the floor where I could register for the event. The elevator stopped before reaching my destination and a trans-woman got on. I was 101% positive that she was trans and without thinking, I asked her if she was enjoying First Event.
She was taken aback by my query and seemed very uncomfortable. I immediately realized the error of my ways and explained to her that I was trans too, but having just arrived at the hotel, had not changed into girl mode yet. She seemed a little relieved, but I learned a lesson and would think twice before doing that again.
So it is probably best that using your T-Dar be a solitary thing. Keep your T-Dar findings to yourself unless, of course, you write a trans-blog, then you can publicize your T-Dar results. ("Yesterday, I saw a trans-woman in ladies' shoes at Macy's.")
I believe that most trans-people have T-Dar. It almost comes naturally because trans-people look for affirmation that there are other trans-people out there. What better way to affirm that then to actually see another trans-person in person? Seeking that affirmation, trans-people check out potential suspects wherever they go.
Even when my T-Dar determines that the six-foot woman walking through the mall is, in fact, a genetic female, it provides a different kind of affirmation. It affirms that there are genuine tall women out there and as a six-foot-plus trans-woman, it gives me encouragement to go out en femme and join the other tall women out there because I am not alone.
(This is a re-gifted post!)
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| Wearing Fashion-to-Figure. |
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1986 |
Sorry Stana - but you seem to have done it again! By which I mean writing in a manner that suggests you do not fully understand the meaning of the word GENDER. This is very surprising because I know that you have a deep comprehension.
ReplyDeleteYou have written "...when they are presenting in their non-birth gender." Putting aside the tiny number of persons whose sex is indeterminate at birth, we are all born with a SEX - just look BETWEEN YOUR LEGS to see what yours is. Our GENDER is between our ears. Are we born with a GENDER or do we acquire it? This is part of the NATURE vs. NURTURE discussion that is well documented and will long continue in the Trans community. How often do we read of Transwomen saying they had feminine feelings (GENDER) from a very young age and are some of their earliest childhood memories?
I would suggest that we are unaware of our GENDER for a while which might mean we are born GENDERLESS - i.e. GENDER neutral or that it does not manifest itself until our awareness of SELF becomes more conscious with age. So to talk about presenting in a NON-BIRTH GENDER is I feel somewhat inaccurate. What you are really saying is along the lines of: someone looks between our legs to decide upon our SEX at birth and pronounces to the world that "it's a boy" or "it's a girl". We are then cared for and nurtured on the basis of this declaration of our SEX with the assumption that a baby with a penis will develop a masculine GENDER and a baby with a vagina will develop a feminine GENDER. Everyone assumes that when a child with a penis - as in our cases - begins to exhibit feminine GENDER that we were born with the wrong GENDER whereas there is nothing wrong with our GENDER - it is just at variance with what everyone expects. We don’t feel our GENDER is wrong. Our GENDER is part of who we are and therefore we conclude that it is our body that is wrong. What your T-Dar has detected is a human with a penis appearing as if they are a human with a vagina. This is mainly achieved by wearing clothing that is reserved for the sole use of humans with vaginas and in a manner that portrays feminine GENDER. I would suggest that your T-Dar has detected a person who is presenting in their BIRTH GENDER (the one that they feel is correct) and not as you might suggest in their NON-BIRTH GENDER (the one that everyone expects!) and may be cruelly considered to be the wrong GENDER.
If you recall I did send you a rather comprehensive article on GENDER called “We dress to please our minds and not our bodies”, which sadly has not been referenced in your blog. It’s your blog after all and you can include whatever you wish but I was very pleased the article has been serialised in Transliving - a magazine of a UK Transgroup of the same name - as it tries to explain the notion of GENDER and how it is often confused with SEX.
I appreciate your blog and the work you do for our T-community. So don’t look on this as a negative comment.
Regards, Catherine.
Thank you for your opinion.
DeleteSometimes it seems that I never see a woman in public without wondering whether she might be trans. Conversely, I evaluate almost every man I see as to how good they would look cross dressed.
ReplyDeleteDear Stana,
ReplyDeleteBased on today's FEMULATOR, I just added the 1986 French film "The Decline of the American Empire" to the top of my Netflix DVD queue. Perhaps the femulating portion of the film is tiny, but I like French cinema, so hopefully I'll enjoy the film regardless of the femulating content. I'll let you know about the femulation after I have watched it.
Love,
Sheila.
But as a woman you can always say "I love your dress!" or "those shoes are BEAUTIFUL. May I ask where you got them?" and you'll get more clues and maybe an opening.
ReplyDeleteWe really do need a secret handshake.
Dear Stana,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to point this out, but there is a mistake on this post and, since the mistake also appears on IMDB, I forgive you. But I think the right person is worth being known.
Alexandre Remy is the one playing Kim the transvestite in the Decline of the American Empire, a Quebec, Canadian movie. You can also see them here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esblJXUq2pE. This is a very interesting scene from a Quebec TV show.
Jean-Paul Bongo is actually from African descent.
Oh, and I love the blue dress above!
XoXoX
Claude
Thank you for the corrections, Claude.
DeleteBefore approaching anyone I tend to work on the theory that I should not say anything that I would not, myself welcome being said to me. I would not welcome somebody I don't know asking if I'm trans, whatever their gender or presentation, if it came out in conversation (as it has on occasion) then that is my choice. As Meg says, Start with a compliment and take it from there.
ReplyDeleteSo true!! And I agree with Meg - we need a secret handshake ;-)
ReplyDelete