Best Fit

My mother raised my sister and me in the 1950s, while my father worked two jobs to finance our raising. With my male role model out of the picture (or out of focus) most of the time, my mother became my role model and as a result, instead of raising a son and a daughter, she raised two daughters.

The older daughter (me) was her favorite and received more attention; I was babied, pampered and spoiled, whereas my sister often had to fend for herself. As a result, I turned out to be very feminine, whereas my sister was more independent and assertive.

During the 1950s, "there were two distinct shapes, the waif like gamine figure epitomized in movies by Audrey Hepburn and the more womanly hourglass figure represented by Grace Kelly, with tiny waists, padded hips and circle skirts." (Source: Glamourdaze.com)

My mother was in the latter group and I found myself in that group. too! I assume extra estrogen is responsible for my hourglass figure and predisposed me to embrace the feminine environment I found myself in.

I never felt that I was a female trapped in a male body. Instead, I was "me" trapped in the expectations of what being a "male" was all about.

Although I embraced some things considered "male," I also rejected many "male" things, while embracing many "female" things. As a result, friends and enemies consider me to be effeminate.

I never tried to be feminine just as I never tried to be macho, but society branded me "effeminate" nonetheless. I was just being "me," which just happens to be considered “feminine” in the eyes of today's society.

My birth certificate reads "male," as does my driver's license and all of the other official paperwork I collected during my life. That is just a convenience because I have presented as a male most of my life, but the truth is that presenting as a woman is a better fit for "me."

Actually, it is a perfect fit.

Helen wearing Romwe blouse, Ann Taylor skirt, Nordstrom scarf and sunglasses,
Michael Kors bag and watch and Christian Louboutin shoes.

Rafael Torres femulates in the 2009 video Satin Dreams.