In the past, I also mentioned here that my spouse accepts Stana, but like many similar-situated spouses, would be just as happy if Stana never existed.
Out of the blue Saturday, my spouse gifted me a beautiful expensive necklace. It was actually a regift from long forgotten gifter.
When I asked her why she was giving it to me, she responded, "She did not like it and never wore it."
There is a short list of other women she could have gifted and has gifted in the past, so why did she gift me?
I did not pursue it, but I thought about it.
Was it in appreciation for being a weekend housewife?
Was it the Jenner Effect? All the positive publicity from Caitlyn Jenner's transition has caused my spouse to see things (me) differently.
I don't know, but I think it was a step in the right direction and I will cherish her gift and wear it as soon as I can.
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| Wearing Nicholas |
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| A photo from a recent womanless beauty pageant, note the family resemblance between the two girls on the right. Are they daughter and femulating father or sister and femulating brother? |
Stana:
ReplyDeleteYou didn't describe the necklace, so this suggestion my be inappropriate, but if at all possible, wear it to work under your drab clothes. You can honor your wife, and enjoy the femininity of it, all at once. I wear necklaces to work often, and so far no one cares enough to comment.
The necklace is similar to ones I see baseball players wear, so Rhonda, your suggestion is do-able.
DeleteMy wife is on the same page as yours when it comes to my being transgender. Just like yours she surprises me every once in a while. I have never been given a beautiful necklace however every once in while she will offer up some of her old clothes for example last month while putting away winter clothes she came across pantyhose. "Here you want these? I sure as heck won't wear them!"
ReplyDeleteHeck Yeah!!!!
I dream that someday my wife will surprise me with a girls' day out as a birthday gift!
DeleteI'm touched by this post. My marriage basically was over when it got to the point I finally had to discuss my genderqueer-ness with my wife. Yes, I pretty much never addressed it directly with her for sixteen of our eighteen years. The last two years were a nightmare, as I had, knowing her, feared. How did the marriage function for so many years as it had? Part of the explanation is that I was an excellent girlfriend to her, which she recognized and remarked about constantly. That was wonderful. But the very late realization that she may well have married her girlfriend, that was too much. She became extremely volatile, couldn't discuss it any further, a two-year spiraling tailspin ensued. She had a bit of a "tomboy" presentation, worked with a bunch of men at a public utility--and not just in the office. She was a licensed operator. So she did not on a daily basis present as particularly femme. But she sure wasn't looking for femme in a husband either. And, though part of me inside had to be suppressed with accompanying anguish, I could don a pretty convincing "lumberjack" image. For a while, anyway. So I can't blame her a bit for her reaction. She was misled in a terrible way. Never my intention. The thing that's worst when I think about it is I loved her so much as girlfriends that for so long I never had the heart to be honest.
ReplyDeleteI can identify with your situation, Thea. I did not know what I really was until after I was married and I did not want to ruin our marriage by fessing up after I figured myself out.
DeleteI told my wife I like to wear womans clothes before the word transgender existed and before we were married. All was fine until the girl in me wanted to get out more often and it seems all hell broke loose. Now I am on the hot seat because I did not tell her I felt like a woman. I figured telling about womans wear was adequate. I think we are on a downward spiral, not sure where this will end but I tightened my seatbelt. I guess there is no way to do this right.
ReplyDeleteIt's not the same boat, but I am in one that is very similar to yours, Elle, and my arms are very tired of bailing water. Good luck!
DeleteWe have been so loving the Jenner effect/affect! It just seems like the world is incrementally a little better. I know in my own family lots have changed. My son posted on he Facebook page, that (with out disclosing who, most know) that he grew up with a transgender individual. This was all as a result of a previous "courage" debate he'd been having with a person who didn't believe that Caitlyn is "courageous" I'm sure you have seen and heard them. He made the point that even though he didn't understand. That courage comes in all forms, that we have to look at each individual as a person and respect them for we no not of those personal struggles between self image and social pressure to be a certain image.
ReplyDeleteI love hearing positive real life stories like yours, Holly!
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