Sit to Pee

Ms. Stana,

How do you act when you use the ladies' restroom when you are femulating? What do you do to use the toilet when you are in a dress or skirt?

Ms. Stacey Anne Smith, Ms.Trixie and Ms. Brooke want to know!

―

Hi Ladies,

Your mileage may vary depending on where you live, but here in Connecticut, the courts say to use the restroom that matches your gender presentation. So Stana uses the ladies' room and Stan uses the men's room.

Under such a policy, I feel completely safe using the ladies' rooms in Connecticut. I don't give it a second thought.

However, I do use the ladies' room wherever I find myself ― New York, Ohio, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania ― in locales that do not have Connecticut's diverse restroom policy. There is no way I am going to enter the men's room dressed to the nines in a skirt and heels! So I take a deep breath, gird my loins and use the ladies' room.

The average civilian does not examine every person they encounter to try to determine if they are trans or not. Unless the transperson presents in a way that will alert a civilian that something is amiss (or not a Miss), the transperson will blend into the background of the civilian's daily routine.

The same thing occurs when a civilian uses a restroom. They assume that all the ladies in the ladies' room are cisgender females. In fact, a non-cisgender female in the ladies' room is so foreign to civilians that it takes some doing to make them think otherwise. So, if they see a tall woman in the ladies' room, they are likely to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Some girls recommend getting in and out of the ladies' room as fast as possible, but in my opinion, a woman using the ladies' room in a hurried and perhaps furtive manner may raise a few eyebrows. When I use the ladies' room, I always put my best high-heeled foot forward. I walk into the ladies' room as if I belong, do my business, wash my hands, primp in the mirror and exit when I am done. All the while, I try not to bring attention to myself by acting inappropriately.

However, my appearance in the ladies' room does attract attention in a positive way and occasionally another women will compliment me on my appearance or ask me where I bought my shoes or whatever and I find myself engaging in a conversation with a lady in the ladies' room. How affirming is that?

Actually, I dread using the ladies' room for their intended purpose. Usually, the stalls are too tight for an Amazonian like me and it is difficult to get half undressed in that confined space, which is essentially what you have to do in order to do what you have to do; raise your dress or lower your slacks, lower your pantyhose, lower your panties and if you are wearing a girdle, you have to deal with that, too.

And after you do your business and wipe yourself, you have to get dressed in that confined space. That's why I closely check myself out in the mirror after exiting the stall to make sure everything is where it is supposed to be.

And while you are in the stall, don't put your bag on the floor ― yuck! Hang it on a hook that is usually mounted on inside of the stall door.

And most importantly, remember to sit to pee!

Wearing Oscar de la Renta dress, Dolce & Gabbana
bag, Jimmy Choo pumps and Prada sunglasses.

Actors Adam Scott and Paul Rudd femulating as Bosom Buddies
in television's The Greatest Event in Television History (2014).

Passing My Age

I wrote this piece over 10 years ago for my old blog. It is amazing how little has changed!

She's got legs; she knows how to use them*

Personally, I think that my legs are ok, but other people have convinced me that they are more so. My mother often said I had beautiful legs (and that I "should have been a girl with legs like yours"). My wife and other genetic women have admitted that I have nicer legs then they do. Other members of my support group (you know who you are) have complimented me on my legs, too.

I am tall, so my legs are long; maybe their length causes an optical illusion making them look better than they really are. I don't know, but I am not going to argue with success. If other people are happy with my legs, then I am happy with them, too.

So, I ask myself, "Since my legs are such a great asset, why not show them off?" I usually respond by wearing skirts and dresses with short hemlines (sometimes scandalously short hemlines) and high heels that are 2, 3, or 4 inches high.

Adding 4-inch heels to my 5-foot, 14-inch stature, I standout in a crowd topping out at an Amazonian 6 and 1/2 feet! When I am out in that crowd, some people may think I am an Amazon; other people may think I am a man in drag.

One rule of thumb for passing is that you should dress your age, i.e., if you are an XX-year-old crossdresser, you should dress like an XX-year-old genetic woman. At my age (XX equals 40-something-plus) that means long skirts and lower heels or worse. By "worse" I am referring to the fact that these days genetic women dress like genetic men! Trousers and slacks, not skirts and dresses, is the norm especially among women my age.

Last month, I dined with four other T-girls at City Steam in downtown Hartford. The place was full of 20 and 30-somethings, men and women alike. Do you know how many people I saw in the restaurant wearing a skirt or a dress? Two: one of the T-girls I was dining with and me! I did not see one genetic woman in a skirt or dress. The temperature was hovering around 0 degrees that evening, so that had something to do with the dearth of hemlines among the distaff side of the crowd. Yet, you would think that there would be a few skirts around the knees of some genetic women, but there were none.

If I wanted to pass that night, I should have worn slacks, not the short black skirt that I did wear. And if I really wanted to pass that night, I should have worn flats instead of high-heeled boots, socks instead of pantyhose, a plaid shirt instead of an animal-print top, boxers instead of a panty girdle, a t-shirt instead of a bra. Also, I should have nixed the make up and left my pocketbook, wig, and jewelry at home. Then, I would have passed easily, but as a man.

In my opinion, passing is overrated. If I have to make a choice between dressing to pass or dressing to thrill, I will choose dressing to thrill every time. Sometimes, I dress to pass, but that is no fun. For starters, when I dress to pass, I usually am not very happy with the clothing I wear. To make matters worse, when I dress to pass, I constantly worry about passing. I cannot enjoy myself out en femme. It is a real drag!

On the other hand, when I dress to thrill, I am very happy with the way I look and I can be myself because I do not worry about passing. What is interesting is that sometimes when I am dressed to thrill, I pass!

Here is my favorite passing-when-I-wasn't-trying story. Years ago, I did office girl drag for Halloween at work. I ran my pantyhose early in the day, so during lunch, I went to CVS to buy another pair. I did not want to cause a commotion, so when I entered the store, I went straight to the first employee I saw and explained my predicament, i.e., I had run my pantyhose and needed another pair for my Halloween costume. The woman I spoke to responded with, "The pantyhose are in the last aisle, ma'am." And so it goes.

So when I go out en femme, I am likely to dress to thrill and show off my legs rather than dress to pass. If I do pass, then that is just an extra thrill.

* You all probably recognize that line from ZZ Top's hit recording Legs. I wonder if you remember a brief T-moment in the video for that song. In the video, leggy girls, who are dressed over-the-top, are shopping in a boutique outfitting for another girl who is more conservatively dressed. The T-moment occurs when one of the leggy girls grabs a dress from a guy who is holding the garment up to himself to see how he looks in that dress.

Wearing Tart

Actor Josh Kenney femulates on stage in Fabulous!
The Queen of the New Musical Comedies.

Allison's Favorite Photo (of Allison!)

Hello Stana!

I'm a 33-year-old transwoman and a long time reader of your site. I've very much enjoyed seeing the photos and reading the stories you've shared from your readers and so I thought that I might share my favorite photo of me with you and the world.

The photo was taken in 2000 when I was about 18-years-old or so. I was still very much in the closet, but I had just come out to my sister and she insisted on giving me a makeover and doing a photo shoot. The attached photo was definitely the best of the bunch and remains one of my favorite photos of myself to this day.

Unfortunately I wasn't strong enough or brave enough to come out to the world back then. It wasn't until just a few years ago that I finally fully accepted myself and began my transition. I will be debuting my newest self to the world at my brother's upcoming wedding and will hopefully have some new photos to call my favorites!

Allison

Got selfies? My open invitation to post your favorite photo along with the story behind it and the reason it is your favorite photo still stands, so don't be shy, send me your fave foto. ― Stana

Wearing Halston Heritage

Actor Vince Gatton femulating Candy Darling on stage in Dorothy and Candy in 2006

Now that I am attractive to men there isn't a man I want.

"Now that I am attractive to men there isn't a man I want" is a quote by Candy Darling that appears in her book Candy Darling: Memoirs of an Andy Warhol Superstar.

Candy's words are my thoughts exactly.

I like bring attractive, but I want nothing to do with any man I attract. That may get me into trouble some day, but so far, so good.

Candy Darling was my first transgender idol. She was a peer and she was gorgeous. And she had the guts to go to New York City and be the woman was meant to be. Unlike me who lived to please everybody except myself and did not take the 90-minute train ride to the City to be the woman I was meant to be.

I purchased Candy's book for $1.99 in Kindle format from BookBub a few days ago.

If you like books, then you should check out BookBub. Everyday BookBub sends me an e-mail containing great deals on electronic editions of books in topics of my choosing. Typically, the books cost $.99 to $2.99 and some are free. Note that the deals are only good for one day, for example, Candy's book deal has expired and is now back to its normal price of $9.99.

I have added about 30 books to my library via BookBub. Some of the books are ones I probably would not have obtained at their retail price, but for a buck or two, I could not resist. Usually I am happy with my purchase, but even if I am not, I did not kill a tree in the process.

And so it goes.

Wearing Do & Be

At the prom

Husbands, Wives and Breasts

In this day and age, it seems absurd that husbands still want wives with big breasts, but they do.

With that in mind, my parents started me on a regimen of hormone supplements as I approached puberty. The purpose of the hormones was to help me achieve a state of pulchritude that would make me more attractive to the opposite sex and eventually snag me a husband.

When I began taking the supplements, I had big expectations. My budding breasts seemed to outgrow my training bra overnight and I was soon sporting a new A-cup bra. However, as all my friends moved up the bra cup alphabet, my breasts refused to grow any larger. I was stuck at an A-cup even after the doctor increased the dosage of my hormones.

As I neared my sweet sixteen birthday with nary a date in sight, Mom offered me breast implants as a birthday gift. But I was adamant that no surgeon was going to take a scalpel to my surgically virgin body, so I refused.

Although I lacked bountiful breasts, I had other attractive features including a pair of long shapely to-die-for legs. To show them off, I always wore the shortest skirts and highest heels. On a few occasions, I was sent home from school because my skirts were so short that they revealed other assets.

Nevertheless, I built my wardrobe around mini-skirts and mini-dresses hoping to attract someone who preferred well-turned ankles over well-rounded breasts.

After graduating from high school, I became a receptionist at a high-tech engineering firm where I attracted a design engineer who was an unabashed leg aficionado. We dated for six months, then she asked for my hand in marriage.

We just celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary and she still likes me to show off my legs. (She tells everyone, "He has the best legs in town.")

As her obedient and dutiful wife, I willingly comply and wear skirts or dresses and high heels throughout my day.

Wearing Chloe

Charles Demetri

Misfit

Alli Cummings was different than the others.

Other 12-year-olds were giddy about getting their first training bras, but not Alli, who was completely satisfied wearing a T-shirt.

Other pre-teens were experimenting with makeup and hairdos trying to look as pretty as possible, but not Alli, who had absolutely no interest in such feminine matters.

Instead of becoming a lady, Alli was becoming a misfit and Alli's parents were worried.

Alli's mom did not have time to deal with Alli. She worked all day and expected her better half to take care of any child-rearing issues.

One evening after dinner, Alli's mom demanded, "You have to do something about Alli!"

Alli's dad deferred, "Yes, dear. I know. I'll have a talk with Alli soon."

The next day, when Alli's dad heard Alli come home from school, he called out from the kitchen, "Alli, I want to speak with you."

"OK, Dad," Alli called back.

Alli shuffled to kitchen worried that something was wrong.

In the kitchen. Alli's dad was wearing his gauzy periwinkle apron and had his shoulder-length hair pulled back in a ponytail so as not to get in the way as he prepared dinner. When he saw Alli, his face brightened and he broke out in a big smile. "Hello, Sweetie."

"Hi, Daddy."

Alli was relieved by the big smile; maybe Alli was not in trouble after all.

"Sit down. We need to talk."

Now Alli was not so sure about being in trouble or not, and sat down on a chair at the kitchen table.

Alli's dad wiped his hands with a towel, then walked over to the table with his high heels clicking loudly on the tile floor. As he sat, he smoothed the skirt of his housedress under him, then crossed his legs at the ankles.

"So, Alli, what are your future plans?"

"What do you mean, Daddy."

"Well, what do you want to be when you grow up? A man or a wo-man?"

Alli was upset by the question. No one wanted to be a man and Alli was surprised that his dad would suggest that Alli would choose such a lowly status in life.

"I want to be a wo-man, of course," Alli replied.

"I'm glad to hear that," Alli's dad responded, "But actions speak louder than words and your actions tell me that you want to be a man, not a wo-man."

"Why do you say that, Daddy?"

"All the boys your age are getting into girly things, but you are still acting like a boy. I was talking with Mrs. Reardon the other day and he was bragging to me about how your best friend Timmi was becoming such a young wo-man. His dad said that Timmi has been wearing a training bra and corset for months and wears skirts and dresses now. And he had his first appointment at the beauty salon just last week."

"I know," Alli replied, "Timmi is so girly now just like Ralphi and Franni."

"Don't you want to be girly, too?"

"I do, but I'm scared."

"What are you scared of?"

"Ralphi said that when a girly boy turns 14, he has to have an operation and they cut off his privates."

"No, no. no. There is no operation. When you turn 14, you will go to the doctor and she shows you how to tuck your privates up between your legs. Then she will fit you with a femulator to keep your privates in place."

"But how will I pee if my privates are tucked up between my legs?"

"You'll have to sit on the toilet to pee and when you are done, you will have to wipe yourself dry with bathroom tissue.... just like a real woman. There's nothing to it!"

"So that's all... there's no operation?"

"No operation at all, Sweetie."

"That's great news, Daddy!"

"Any other questions, Alli? I have to get going and finish getting dinner ready before Mother comes home from work."

"Just one question, Daddy."

"What is it, Alli?"

"How soon can I start becoming a wo-man?"

Alli's dad was so happy to hear Alli's question that he wiped a tear from his eye as he answered, "We can start right after dinner. Mother bought you a training bra and a corset months ago in the hope that you were ready to go girly. I'll show you how to put on the bra and I will help you with your corset. Then I'll show you how to use makeup and if we have time, we can paint your nails and put your hair up in curlers. How does that sound?"

"I can't wait to go girly, Daddy."

"I can't wait for you to go girly, too, Alli."

Wearing Ann Taylor

Actors femulating in a 2014 Philadelphia stage production of As You Like It.

US Military in Transition

By Bree Wagner

Due to recent events, I am in no frame of mind to write original posts for this blog, but it's getting better all the time! Anyway, Bree Wagner volunteered to write a post for the blog... a timely piece regarding USA's military! 

Bree Wagner

Some of you may know that I serve as an officer in the United States Air Force and that transgender individuals are still not allowed to openly serve in the US military. We all take a risk to be who we are and can't live fully authentic lives. The dishonesty and fear are difficult burdens to bear. However, through some amazing people and advocacy work the good news is really starting to roll in, though we're not to the finish line yet. #opentransservice is the goal and we're going to get there soon!

Here's a brief rundown of where we've been over the past year or so.

The first major media attention came out last year with a lot of stories about Kristin Beck, the retired Navy Seal. Over the winter several high-level DoD officials, including the Secretary of the Air Force, expressed their support for open trans service. These statements culminated in February when newly confirmed SecDef Carter visited Afghanistan and was asked about trans service by LCDR (Dr.) Jesse Ehrenfeld. He expressed support based on their ability to serve. Following the Q&A he shook hands with a hell of an impressive individual, SrA Logan Ireland, who is a FTM security forces airmen. The story is here.

A few months later the Army released an ALARACT (All Army Activities) raising the level of discharge authority for transgender soldiers up to the Assistant Secretary of the Army for manpower. A similar step was taken prior to the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell for gay and lesbian soldiers.

This month things really started to speed up. On June 4, the New York Times published a stunning editorial calling for the Pentagon to change the policy and let transgender troops serve openly. The story featured several of my good friends, including the already mention SrA Ireland, and an incredible video by an amazing ally and lead of the TransMilitary project, Fiona Dawson. Please check this one out and watch the touching video of Logan and Laila's struggle.

The evening that story was released came even bigger news, especially for me personally. The Air Force released a statement that did some things similar to the earlier announcement by the Army, but also went well beyond it in reinterpreting the policy to say Identification as transgender, absent a record of poor duty performance, misconduct, or a medically disqualifying condition, is not a basis for involuntary separation.

Wow! Huge change and a massive weight lifted from many shoulders. The full official announcement is here.

That weekend, another good friend of mine, Maj (Dr.) Jamie Lee Henry, told her story and was published in Buzzfeed. Jamie is the first known case where someone has had their gender changed in the official military personnel system (DEERS). She's still fighting to be allowed to wear the uniform and follow the grooming standards that are consistent with her legal gender.

We went into the following week, where the SecDef was speaking at Pentagon Pride, with some lofty aspirations. The hope was that he would announce a formal revision of the policy or at least acknowledge trans service members.

Unfortunately, we we're let down. Though the words were good, and everything people would have liked to hear applied to trans service, there was no mention made whatsoever. It was a huge disappointment, but momentum was still on our side. 

Earlier this week, the Colorado Springs paper did a front page story on Patricia King. She's an openly trans infantry NCO. 

However, not every story is positive. There is still far to much control at local levels and that results in a massive hodgepodge of policies that are different depending on where an individual is located. Our work isn't done.

On June 16, the Navy said it was reviewing similar changes to what the Army and the Air Force have done. That would leave only the Marine Corps to go, but there are still DoD level policies to be changed and all the services will need to formally change their policies as well.

After the policies change, there is still a lot of work to be done regarding implementation and to ensure that policies are applied fairly. DoD will also need to change it's non-discrimination policy to include gender identity just as it recently added sexual orientation (4 years after DADT repeal!). 

I really applaud the work done by some very courageous individuals in telling their stories and pressing the boundaries. If not for them, allies like Fiona, and the wonderful support and advocacy organization SPART*A, we wouldn't be nearly so far down the road.

During this period, I tried to play a small part by working booths at the Philly Trans Health conference and at the DC Pride Festival. I was there to help spread the word about the SPARTA organization and to raise money for an emergency fund for trans service members by selling t-shirts. It was a great experience and I got to talk to so many wonderful people. Like Stana, I had been a veteran of many conferences, but this was my first time as a "Booth Babe."

I invite you to please support our efforts and get involved where you can. If you'd like to know more, please let me know. If you are a transgender service member (active duty, guard, or reserve) and are looking for support and resources, I'd be glad to put you in touch with a wider community. #opentransservice ― coming soon!

Wearing Sportsmax

Contestants in a womanless beauty pageant.

A “Charming” Night at Derby and Dice

By Jeanine Williams

Due to recent events, I am in no frame of mind to write original posts for this blog. However, my sister femulator from Minnesota, Jeanine Williams, kindly offered to step in and write a post for the blog and here it is!

Last month I had the opportunity to attend a fundraiser for the Duluth (MN) Playhouse held at the Northland Country Club. I’ve attended events before at the Underground and have had lots of fun and met some wonderful people (as shown in the photos!) Backtracking a bit, in March I won an essay contest that was held in tandem with the Love, Loss and What I Wore play and the first place prize included 2 tickets to the show, 2 drinks, a $25 gift certificate to Art in the Alley, a local eclectic clothing store and a piece of custom made jewelry. I donated it all except one ticket to the Saturday night performance. Here is the link to that if you’re interested.

This became the second time I attended an event at the Northland CC – a few weeks prior I went to a fundraiser for a local Shakespeare theatre group, and sat with a group of 4 other women who were great company and readily accepted me as one of their own.

It was a masquerade event and I wore a new navy blue wrap dress by Chaps, simple but elegant. This was one of 2 Chaps dresses I had ordered online and I’m quite happy with both of them. I wore a blue and black color blocked dress to the Derby and Dice fundraiser, and here are some photos for that as well. I did a much better job on my make-up this time but Charm (the horse) was not that impressed at first, although we did become friends after this photo was taken.

After checking in and collecting my “funny money” to gamble with I wandered around a bit and then met Linda and Susie who were the dealers at the craps table. I’ve never played craps before but they taught me and before I knew it I became the “hot” roller and everyone was making $ before I eventually crapped out. Here’s a picture of me with Linda and Susie. All the girls were asked to wear a hat, mine is simple (but really cute), and many were quite elaborate like those found on the infield at the Kentucky Derby, and of course mint juleps were also being served.

Linda and I later went upstairs to the “members only” club and bar and engaged in some great girl talk.

After that I tried my hand at Blackjack but even when I managed to draw 21 the dealer matched it every time and I “lost” quite a bit before winning once. I also bid on a few items at the silent auction and did score once on a resort hotel nights stay for only $60.

After Derby and Dice ended I met up with another woman and a male friend for drinks at my favorite bar, the Blackwater Lounge in downtown Duluth. We chatted ‘til the staff turned up the lights to let us know they were closing. Once again I had a great night out as a woman and was treated with nothing but respect and dignity, making several new friends along the way. Finally, here’s another pic modeling the Chaps dress and another wearing my favorite panne blue velvet dress that I wore a month before to the fundraiser for Duluth Pride with my friend Sue.

Wearing Ann Taylor

Professional French femulator Fifi Pervenche, circa 1960

June 21, 2015

If male-to-female transgenders are called "transwomen," should male-to-female transgender fathers be called "transmothers" ?

Make sure to give your Dad a Father's Day she will remember.

Instead of buying Dad a new tie or a bottle of wine, get her a gift certificate from Victoria's Secret or a bottle of Chanel No. 5. To make Dad's day complete, tell Dad to wear her most feminine outfit, then take Dad out to her favorite restaurant. It will be a Father's Day that she will never forget.

- Fathers and Sons -

- Fathers and Daughters -

- “Dad’s in Drag” Contests -

- Femulating Fathers Funnies -